Unintended, but satisfying.

So Saturday, she texts me to tell me that she had gotten engaged, and felt like I should hear it from her. I was pissed that she decided to tell me this, but I'm moving on.

Backstory time: After 10 years together, a few of those married, my ex-wife and I separated when I caught her in an affair with one of my friends. After months of gaslighting every time I asked why she was so distant, she started a major fight with me and asked me to leave for a few days, during this time she basically left all but the essentials and moved in with this miserable vape-enthusiast. The guy totally spent 9 months spinning lies about me, before she moved in, but she was the one that was willing to believe even the most outlandish things to convince herself that she was justified in cheating. It turns out he was in a better place to financially get her where she wanted to be. This story is long and drawn out, and I won't spend anymore time on it. Just know that this wasn't the first time she screwed me over, but it was definitely the last. Despite pretending they weren't seeing each other and my ex saying that she still wanted to work things out, the separation started last fall, and the divorce finalized in May of this year.

Anyway, her mother called me Tuesday to say Merry Christmas and see how I have been. You could not ask for better in-laws, and I still talk to them occasionally. Anyway, she told me that, despite the engagement, I am still part of the family and welcome anytime. At some point after this, I told her that I wasn't happy about the engagement, but I wasn't surprised, since they had been living together for a year and a half. She got really quiet for a moment, but then wished me a Merry Christmas and told me not to be a stranger and got off the phone.

Yesterday, I get up and one of her cousins has texted me with info on this storm that I started. It turns out that she had adamantly stuck to the story that they had gotten together this spring, and had only moved in together this summer. Her mother went off on her for lying all these months about the cause of our divorce, she's pissed and isn't going to be going to Christmas this year at my ex's new house as a result. I've heard that she was told they would be hosting Christmas at home this year instead.

Now, I didn't intend this revenge, but it did happen. Merry Christmas.

Unintended, but satisfying.

mesoziocera

Nice try. But no.

On vacation, my boyfriend and I stop at the Louvre. There is a line up at the little cafe/snack bar. They have those standing barriers with ropes to guide the line up, but the ropes aren't pulled across - because people are grown ups and can see that its just a single line down one side of the front display.

Cue a group of young girls in blinged-out clothes deciding they don't have time to stand in line. They go to the front and stand behind the person currently paying. They pretend to be oblivious to the 4-5 other people in line now giving them death stares.

I am not in line but I see their little act. So I go along and start hooking up the ropes. The girls are gossiping together and ignoring everyone else around them, because hey, what do they care right? So they don't notice when I move the barrier just a smidge forward ... and hook up the rope in front of them.

The look on their faces when they turn around to order their coffees and find themselves quite obviously outside the queue was just... soooo priceless. Huffing and puffing, they had to totter their high-heeled asses to the back of the (now much longer) line-up.

Enjoy your coffee, ladies!

Nice try. But no.

Banana_llamaDingdong

Trapezoid shaped justice.

This happened a few months ago as I was driving my work van(the biggest Mercedes sprinter you can drive without a commercial licence) around Amsterdam delivering groceries. This story takes place on a single lane road with high curbs on both sides that takes you from one neighborhood to another. Speed limit is 50kph, although it could have been 70 except in some tight corners.

Now I've driven here so many times before that I feel comfortable doing 60-ish, just a bit faster than normal without the risk of getting caught speeding in an urban area.

Suddenly I hear a loud beep behind me, and wouldn't you know it, it's a BMW! "What a surprise!" I think to myself. I was quite impressed by my ability to guess the brand of this automobile, because everything forward of the rear doors wasn't visible in my mirrors.

The tailgating and honking continues for a little while until I spot the perfect opportunity to teach this Ikea-pencil equipped douche a lesson: a long straight section in the road. For those of you who haven't been to the Netherlands before, our government loves two things: taxes and using those taxes to build speedbumps.

As such we have a wide variety of speedbumps and this straight section was equipped with my personal favorite: the bus bypass variant, a trapezoid block just wide enough that a normal car has to pass over it with at least one wheel, but a bus can pass over it unobstructed.

I've had plenty of practice with these obstacles and line up for a flawless pass while accelerating to a mindnumbing 70 kmh, the BMW still glued to my rear bumper. I pass over the obstacle without the slightest inconvenience..... The oblivious BMW driver however hits it in the worst possible way, launching himself into the ceiling of his car and grinding his oilpan as the suspension compresses.

After that he kept a good distance.

Trapezoid shaped justice.

Maar7en

He deserves all the suffering.

I was at a Craft Store in my town, and it wasn't too busy, but only one register was open. The cashier, a teen aged girl, I could tell was working as best as she could. The process was a tad slower however, because she had a stutter, and a bit of a lisp.

As she worked through the line, asking the usual questions probably mandated by the big wigs (I've worked in retail, it's a thing), the man behind me began to huff and puff. He muttered something about having places to go, he was in a hurry, etc. I ignored him, until I heard him start to mock her to his kids.

W-w-would you l-like y-y-y-y-y-y-your reSCHKeet?

The kids began to laugh. It really made my blood boil. Especially since I could tell the cashier heard his mockery. That really made my blood boil. When a person doesn't respect retail employees as people, it's the best way to tell whether a person is a jerk or not.

So, when it was my turn at the register, she asked me in a small voice "Are you a member o-o-of the rew-w-rewards club?" And I looked smugly at the guy behind me, and back at her.

Me: The rewards club? Oooo that sounds great! Please explain it to me?

She seemed surprised at first, but then looked at the guy behind me, and then it clicked.

I have never given my information so slowly in my life. Never had I asked as many questions as I did. She smiled and answered my inquiries, while the guy behind me was seething.

Him: Can you hurry up, please?

Me: And miss out on these great rewards? As if!

I only held him up for about 5 minutes... but wooo child, it felt so good.

He deserves all the suffering.

UBT400

25 miles.

I work at a logistics company and my job is to find drivers to take freight from A to B. I work with the same trucking companies a lot, but sometimes I get one-off drivers. This is one of those.

A truck driver calls me asking about a load for the next morning coming out of Laredo TX going to Portland OR.

TD: What is rate?

Me: We can pay $3,500 on it

TD: How about $4,000?

Me: Sorry, customer is strict about the rate on this one. Has to be 35.

TD: Oh man, I need this. I need to get home to see my son and my wife is sick.

Me: Then we need 35 on it. Customer will not go higher.

The guy ends up taking it. If you think I'm being too hard on him, keep in mind there really isn't a whole lot heading from TX>OR at any given time, so I could try to get him his rate but I'd risk losing the load to another driver. If he really needs to get back, why does he want to go back and forth negotiating on price and risk it?

The answer is because he's full of crap.

The next morning I get a call from the customer saying that the facility that's receiving the freight has been changed. It's still going to be in Portland, just in a different place. Something like a 20-30 mile difference, tops. Should be a complete non-issue, considering the driver has just started a 2,200 mile journey, so it's a drop in the bucket.

I call him back.

Me: Hey, just a heads up, receiver called to say that it's going to deliver at a different address. It's XXXX, Portland, OR

TD: Oh well, you can send me rate confirmation with little bit more money.

Me: ... What do you mean?

TD: Agreement has changed, need to renegotiate.

Me: ... seriously? It's like a 20-30 miles difference from the original one.

TD: 20-30 miles is kind of long way to go.

Me: (humoring him) Okay what do you think you need for the new rate?

TD: Ehhh, $4,000 should do it.

OOOOOH REALLY? THE ORIGINAL RATE YOU WANTED HUH? WOW WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

Me: Are you serious?

TD: It's only fair.

I put the driver on hold just to spite him for trying to handle me like that, and I start working on something else. Out of curiosity, I check the address for the original delivery facility compared to the new one. Turns out the new receiver is actually 25 miles closer to the shipper in Laredo. New travel distance is 2,175 miles. I pick his line back up.

Me: Okay, we ran the miles and the new receiver is actually 25 miles closer to Laredo, so we're going to need to reduce the rate to $3,000.

Me: Well, we're cutting 25 miles off the trip and it's kind of a lot of miles to cut. It's only fair, right?

TD: Ahhh, ah hah hah hah... ahhhh so, ah that's... yeah, so $3,500 still good?

Me: Of course it's still good. I'm not going to change the rate by $500 because of a 25 miles difference. I'm not jerk.

25 miles.

ALLFATHER2233

Tame, and classy.

I was sitting in a food court quietly eating lunch, minding my own business. This food court is in the CBD and filled with nine-to-fivers. It was crowded so strangers would share tables. There was one sole person sitting at a four-seated table next to me. Every couple of minutes someone would approach that table and ask the table-hog if it was free to sit. He always replied, "Sorry my colleagues will be here soon". The entire time I was there, no colleagues came and sat with him nor did it appear that he was looking around for them (as most people waiting for others to join will look around and wave them over). He quietly finished up his lunch and left. Seems he just lied to have a four-seater table all to himself when even people on two-seater table were sharing with strangers. Well that's not right!

A couple of days later I saw him in the food court again. I was in a bit of a mood so I bought my lunch and pulled out the chair to sit at his table. As I was sitting down he told me he is waiting for his colleagues. I replied "That's okay, I'll move when they arrive. I won't be long." He shuffled uncomfortably in his seat as I quietly ate my lunch. I felt very uncomfortable and my heart was racing but I was pissed off at that table hog that I had to do something. If you choose to have your lunch in a busy food court, you don't get to live in your own little bubble.

Tame, and classy.

PlannerDemanner

Bulldogs fan vs. Homeowners association

So a while back I was given a Bulldogs flag and a flag pole to mount it on my porch. Our Homeowners association (HOA) restrictions say that sports team flags can only be flown on a day in which the team is playing. My intention was to only fly it on Saturdays when the football team was playing. So I put the flag up on a Saturday the Dawgs were playing but forgot to take it down until Monday. On Friday I get a letter from the HOA stating that I am in violation of the restriction and could be fined. Okay, fair enough, they are correct on this one. I then noticed that the date of observation was on Wednesday. I called and said that couldn't be true because I took it down on Monday. Instead of admitting her mistake, she lied and said that she had seen it up on Wednesday. Now I was mad.

I printed off a schedule of every sporting event the Bulldogs had in every sport, even club sports and then proceeded to fly the flag every single day there was any kind of game, match, regatta, etc., which was almost every single day.

I then started getting letters stating I was in violation again. I would call on each one and explain that the water polo team had a match, or the rowing team had a regatta on those days. After about a month or two of this back and forth, they finally gave up.

Bulldogs fan vs. Homeowners association

Viking042900

Enjoy your ride.

I was staying in an older hotel in San Francisco. The elevator was very small, very old school and had signage everywhere about how you couldn't operate it with more than 4 people. I'd also been stuck in there twice already that weekend (the elevator would stop between floors). Each time, I called the front desk and they were able to recall it to the ground floor but I'd learned to be wary.

I should have started taking the stairs, but was on the 8th floor and was feeling lazy. So on Sunday morning I waited for the elevator for quite a while (it was pretty slow). It arrives, I hop in and a family of 5 walks up to the elevator and follows me in. They were all large people and they all had huge suitcases. I politely pointed out the sign and said that I'd already been stuck in the elevator twice and that we should split the group into two. They laughed and said they were all staying on.

Welp, I thought, enjoy your ride.

I proceeded to run up the stairs and hit the call button on every single floor. The best part was that I could hear them complaining from the stairwell every time the elevator opened and nobody was there. Petty revenge never felt so good.

Enjoy your ride.

[Deleted]

I like to believe she didn’t mean to steal it.

Dad is a principal at a school, and has been for a long time.

It's a relatively small government high school of about 300 students so anyone wanting to enroll has a pretty good chance of actually speaking to the principal instead of one of the admin staff.

One day some lady arrives and expresses an interest in enrolling her son. Principal Dad is speaking with her, gets her some forms to fill out, even offers her his special pen. The pen is a nice stainless steel job that was given to every member of the executive staff on the school's 25th anniversary. It even says "[school name] Celebrating 25 years 1978-2003" on the side.

Anyway, lady and her son fill out the paperwork and go on their way, at which point Dad realises his pen has also left. Clearly the pen wasn't a gift; it was obviously more expensive than a plastic hotel pen.

Fast forward to the next week when the lady arrives to drop her son off for his first day at the school. Principal Dad waits for Mrs Pen Thief and gives her the Emergency Contact Form to fill out. Normally this is given to the kid to fill out but Dad was hoping to see the pen again.

Sure enough, this silly lady forgets where she stole the pen from and out comes the 25th Anniversary Pen to fill out the form. The form completed, she puts the pen back in her handbag and hands the form back.

"And now I just need to sign it here" says Principal Dad, patting down his pockets as if looking for a pen. Instinctively Mrs Pen Thief reaches into her handbag and offers him The Pen. "Thanks" he said as he signs on the bottom of the form (which was just a ruse, he didn't need to sign anything) and puts the pen back in his own shirt pocket right in front of her.

Mrs Pen Thief looks confused, opens her mouth, realises what has happened, and quickly closes her mouth again. She mumbles a thanks and scurries out the door.

I believe he still has the pen to this day.

I like to believe she didn’t mean to steal it.

Valiantfreak

A candy of a tale.

It's lunch time and I'm purchasing a sandwich and drink from a local supermarket.

While I'm waiting in line this woman (We'll call her 'LB') is shrieking down her phone to who I can only presume is her now totally deaf boyfriend. She's visibly pissing off most people in the general vicinity with her swearing and general attitude.

As It's coming up to my turn to check out, she's decided she's fed up with waiting and puts her big bag of M&M's in front of my lunch on the conveyor and says "I need to go first."

Without so much as a moment to think and without making eye contact I pick them up and move them behind my items, saying nothing.

LB: "What are you doing?"

Me: "I was here first, wait your turn."

LB: "**you I am on my lunch break and I have a very important job blah blah blah" (I can't remember the whole rant)

Me: "It's lunchtime, everyone is on lunch, you have to wait"

LB: "**you! I asked nicely!" (lolwut.)

At this point LB throws her M&M's in front of my lunch still ranting and it's now my turn to check out, enter awesome check-out girl. (Who we'll call "ACG".)

So after seeing the bag of M&M's land on the conveyor I decided to accept LB's gracious offering and buy the M&M's for myself, leaving her M&M-less.

Of course the battle was not yet over, more screaming was coming my way.

LB: "What are you doing, those are mine!"

Me: "Nope, I'm paying for them now, if you want M&M's you'll have to go get some and wait in line."

LB: "You're a theif! You stole my M&M's!"

Me: "No I just bought the M&M's you rudely threw onto my pile of stuff."

LB: "I'm not getting anymore, give me my M&M's back. You're a thief!"

ACG: "Ma'am, I suggest you go and get a new pack and wait in line, there are people waiting. The gentlemen hasn't stolen anything, he paid money for the M&M's."

LB: "Call the manager, get this piece of _**kicked out for stealing._"

Me: "Mind if I step out anyway? I have a very important job and I'm on lunch?"

LB: "Where are you going!?"

ACG: "Sure, here's your receipt."

Me: "Thanks."

To wrap up, the M&M's were delicious, I shared them with my co-workers. Don't know if LB went back to get some, but I highly recommend them.

A candy of a tale.

ManCrisps

As a customer, all I care about is the pizza.

I got turned down, by the manager, at a job interview for team member at Dominos because of my stubble facial hair.

Weeks later I order from that same Dominos, and that same manager is the one who delivers my order, which is around $25, and I couldn't help but notice he has stubble facial hair ...

So I gave him no tip, and told him the exact same thing he told me ..

It's not exactly like this, but something similar

"Why do you have all that facial hair? Do you think customers wanna see that? Anyways, I won't be giving you a tip this time. Maybe when I order again, I'll be giving you a tip. But of course, remember to shave".

I still haven't ordered from that place since.

As a customer, all I care about is the pizza.

remorse667

You play with fire, you get burned.

I was out to a movie with my friends last night. We come and sit down, and I realize pretty soon that this girl in the row behind us has her feet up on my friend David's seat. She's there with one of her friends. So David turns around and he says something like, "uh do you think you could put your feet down?" And I think they say something in response but I didn't hear it. The feet didn't go down. A few minutes later David says, "hey, will you get your feet off my chair? It's extremely rude." And they still don't budge.

So I tell David that he should go find an employee and get them to talk to this girl. He does exactly that, and after a couple minutes an employee comes and talks to this girl. She is obviously pretty peeved but begrudgingly agrees to put her feet down.

After the employee leaves, she puts her feet right back up.

At this point I'm pissed off. Why is it so important to you that you have your feet up on someone's chair? You're just being a brat.

So I get out of my seat, walk up two rows, sit down in the seat directly behind this girl, and stick my foot on the back of her chair and push it forward. They both turn around and try to say something to me, but I can't really hear them since the movie had started by this point, so I just say "just watch the movie."

I kept my feet up there the entire movie. It felt like I had done wall sits for two hours but I'm glad I did it.

You play with fire, you get burned.

deliasen

No stairs for you.

I am the supervisor of a very large nightclub and 9 times out of 10 when we preform an eviction it is verbal (easy and no paper work) but every now and then some jerk requests to be physically evicted as a gag to show off to his friends.

When someone requests to get physically removed from a night club they either try and have a fist fight with us or go completely dead weight, which makes people incredibly difficult to drag/pick up and ultimately remove.

Anyway, this guy was acting aggressive trying to start fights and as a patron pointed out the male, I saw him and his friends first handedly try and instigate one with a guy sitting down minding his own business.

I approach him and asked him what the problem was and he replied with "the guy looked at me funny". I tell him to "grow up and it's time to leave" , his mate yells "go dead weight haha"

After 5 minutes of trying to convince him to walk out the door and call it a night he tells us to go ** ourselves and if we want him out we have to drag him out.

As I grab his arm and my offsider grabs the other, he drops all of his weight to the floor, we then proceed to drag him, I then see the dance floor to my left so we then decide to go slightly out of our way and drag him through the dance floor (absolutely soaking his clothes in nightclub goodness) we then approach the top of the stairs.. This is when he decides to have a change of heart and states "he will walk the rest of the way" , which I reply with "the ** you will" and then we proceeded to drag him down the 2 flights of fire exit stairs.

By the time we completed the eviction he had a lot of bumps and his clothes were completely ruined.

No stairs for you.

bigbouncingbob

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