Monopoly settles it all.

Not the dad but the boyfriend. He challenged me to a game of Monopoly under the impression that he was an incredible player. He kept acting like I needed to prove my worth through the game. To his credit he did beat the rest of his family.

By the end I was the owner of hotels on almost every street, all the stations and utilities. He respected my brutal corporate efficiency that day.

Monopoly settles it all.
A skilled gamer can beat any boyfriend.

I beat him up in Battlefield and a few other video games.

I'm almost 50 and have been a gamer since my early teens, I have more experience with games than he has.

A skilled gamer can beat any boyfriend.
The cringe is real.

The first thing my ex's dad said to me was, "You can sleep in my daughter's bed tonight," and I replied, "Thanks, you too" because I was too nervous.

The cringe is real.
License and registration please.

I asked him for three forms of ID. He was 14.

License and registration please.
But what really IS a potato?

I told him I don't know what a potato is.

But what really IS a potato?
The emotional terrorism.

Called him the wrong name, the whole time. The same name. On purpose.

The emotional terrorism.
Luckily that worked out.

I was the boyfriend. I walked into the cleaning the guns gag. He asked, "What are your intentions with my daughter?" and without missing a beat, because I sometimes lack a filter, I replied, "Depends, what do you think I can get away with?"

Her mother laughed so hard she dropped a glass and broke it.

Luckily that worked out.
The man of a thousand names.

I wasn't the father, I was the boyfriend. I wanted to take my girlfriend out to see a movie but she said that I had to meet her dad first. Her dad runs the local farmer's market, so I had to stop by that morning. Luckily, it was winding down because after an awkward hello he put his hand on my shoulder and led me around and introduced me to everyone at all the stands. Now, for an introvert as myself, this would've been bad enough. But no, as he was introducing me to everyone, he used random female names for me.

"Hi there, so-and-so, this here's Stephanie and he's taking my daughter on her first date!"

"Hey guys, meet Martha, he's taking my daughter out!"

It was kind of funny afterwards.

The man of a thousand names.
Best Dad ever?

The first time I met my girlfriend's father, he picked us both up and was driving us to his house so we could stay the weekend. After a few minutes of driving he told us he had to make a stop on the way there.

He pulled up outside a house that looked like there was some work being done on it and one of the guys came up to the car and said hello. My girlfriend's dad handed over this FAT envelope of cash to the guy and the guy gave him a clear blue plastic bag full of this white powder which my girlfriend's dad threw in the back with us.

At this point I'm pretty freaked out because I'm fairly convinced that my girlfriend's dad just paid a load of money for a bag full of cocaine but I try to act cool. My girlfriend's dad is like, "I can trust you not to say anything, right?" and I'm like, "Yeah, sure" because I don't wanna get killed or something.

So about 15 minutes later into the journey my girlfriend just bursts out laughing and they tell me it was all just a prank. My girlfriend's dad owned the property being worked on and had to pay the workers for it and had staged that the worker was gonna give him a big bag of washing powder to freak me out.

It was a pretty hilarious and harmless prank and we laugh about it now. He's a cool guy!

Best Dad ever?
Don't go too far now.

Daughter of a dad. I would just like to note that my dad likes messing with boyfriends not because he thinks I need protecting (he's fully convinced I could rule the world if I so chose) but because he thinks they are easy targets.

This was my first boyfriend ever (and we weren't even going out at this point). My dad shows up in his motor cycle leathers and sunglasses with a a ten page form to fill out. Questions included, "Do you own a van with a mattress in it?" and, "When is it appropriate to touch my daughter?". To be fair to my ex, he did fill it out and quite humorously too.

My dad has yet to meet the current boyfriend. He's currently planning with my uncles to take said boy up into the mountains, leave boy in car and dig a grave roughly boy's size. I'm working on that not happening.

Don't go too far now.
What a conversation that would've been.

A mate was arrested for drug possession by his girlfriend's police officer father. He was going to be introduced to the family that weekend anyway. Would have loved to been a fly on the wall that evening.

What a conversation that would've been.
Fire away!

My grandpa greeted my aunt's boyfriend with a single gunshot out the front door, into the old gutted truck about 20 yards from the main drive way.

He still fires off a greeting shot when they come in from out of town, 17 years later.

Fire away!
That's true love.

I was the boyfriend, now husband. I came over to meet her extended family for Thanksgiving. I sat down next to her uncle. He looks over at me and says, "I'm gay you know..." and stares at me. I replied back with, "Me too..." and moved closer to him (practically sat on his lap). "I LIKE THIS GUY!" I've been married to her for 2 years and been together for 8 years now. Her family is hilarious.

That's true love.
HA-HA!

I had a boyfriend named Nelson.

My dad took great pleasure in doing Nelson's laugh from the Simpsons whenever my boyfriend came over.

We didn't last long.

HA-HA!
You're much too tall for us.

My dad is very good at deadpanning. Upon meeting my boyfriend, dad told him that he was too tall (he's almost 7ft!). He wasn't sure if my dad was messing with him or was actually serious. I had to explain later that a good portion of what dad says should be taken with a grain of salt.

You're much too tall for us.
Test results pending.

No matter what the boy's name is, my dad will shake his hand politely and say, "It's great to see you again, Jared."

Note: this has not been tested with a boy actually named Jared yet.

Test results pending.
Little white lie.

My dad has told every single one of the guys I've brought home (even if they were just friends) that he's not afraid to go back to jail.

My dad has never been to jail.

Little white lie.
Cool folks.

Not a father, but the father invited me out for drinks at a strip club. I don't think he was trying to bait me. I think he was messing with her more than me since she was steaming and I was laughing. The hardest part about breaking up with her (later on) was not getting to hang with her parents anymore. Damn they were cool people.

Cool folks.
A true test of character.

I'm Korean. I play Starcraft. He's gonna have to beat me on The Hunters map to get permission for the first date. Yes. Old school Brood War Starcraft.

A true test of character.
This is terrifying.

My sister brought home a guy. My old man wrote his name on a 12 gauge shell and set it on the mantle above the fireplace and said nothing. It was about halfway through dinner before he noticed it, I've never seen a face get so white so quick in all my life. They're married now, and the shell is still sitting there.

This is terrifying.
I'm...not sure what that means.

I wanted to take my girlfriend on a date but she said her dad had to meet me first. He was a single dad so it's not like her mom would've been there to hold him back or anything and the dad was pretty buff.

My girlfriend goes in her room while her dad sits me down on the couch and sits across from me not saying a word but looking straight into my eyes the whole time. 15 year old me was pretty shaken. He finally says, "I'm going to make this short, anything you do to my daughter, I'm going to do to you."

I'm...not sure what that means.
A pop quiz over dinner?

I brought my boyfriend home for a week over the summer (we are in college and live in separate states when not at school) and I was very excited for him to meet my family. I had already met his and they were pretty cool. My parents were very nice and normal to him, but when we sat down for dinner that night, my brother (who is 2 years younger than me) came downstairs, chatted normally for a bit, then said, "Wait here."

He runs up to his room and comes back down about five minutes later with a stack of papers and a pen, and sets it down in front of my boyfriend,

"It's a quiz."

It was a quiz. A literal quiz that he had typed out. He made him put his name and the date and everything. The questions were divided into 3 categories; sports, music, and movies. They were all things my brother considered vital for my boyfriend to know if he ever wanted to truly 'belong' to my family.

My boyfriend, being the cool guy that he is, took it all in stride (and only got two wrong on the whole 30 question quiz, with no preparation or studying at all). My family was suitably impressed, and he's still around a year and a half later.

A pop quiz over dinner?
Jameson with a single ice cube, please!

The first time I met my ex's dad, he had just had surgery. I think I was 15 at the time, and while I was waiting for her, he asked me if I would go into the study and put on some music and make him a drink. I got him a single Jameson with one ice cube because that's what my Irish family members drank and I knew he was a Hibernian, and I put on a Fleetwood Mac record because he had an awesome player set-up.

That was him testing me apparently. He told me later that I passed because I didn't just plug my phone into their auxiliary cord and grab him a beer. I hung out with him once way later on after his daughter and I had broken up, and he ordered me a Jameson with a single ice cube on his way out of the bar.

Jameson with a single ice cube, please!
Mildly creepy.

My coworker just walked up to his daughter's new boyfriend, took a picture of his face with his phone and said, "May be good to have" and walked away.

Mildly creepy.
That's a Dad for ya.

I had the first boyfriend come over ( I was 14) for Halloween, and my dad (a butcher) was unwrapping bones for our three dogs as a treat. My boyfriend walked over to my dad, who was using a knife (a great big one) to cut the shrink wrap off of them, and asked what those bones were from. My dad, looking my boyfriend dead in the eye, pulled a sharpening steel out of the bucket on the counter and sharpened the blade on the already sharp knife in swift movements and said,

"Her old boyfriend." Boyfriend went sheet white and dumped me the next day. Thanks dad.

That's a Dad for ya.
Poor muskrats.

My ex girlfriend's dad did the classic, "Leave all your guns out on the table" gag. I walk into his small home office and there is an arsenal of guns, swords, and knives out on his desk. A half hour later we were shooting muskrats off his front porch and having a grand old time.

He was a swell guy, I miss him.

Poor muskrats.
To calm the hounds.

Well, my current girlfriend told me about how her dad answered the door to her junior year homecoming date, her first boyfriend, with a shotgun on his shoulder.

5 years later, I visited her at her parents' house for the first time. I had met them briefly when they visited us at university, so I knew them a little bit. When I pulled into their driveway, she texted me to come in through the garage door and knock with a smiley face at the end. I figured her dad was going to pull the same thing on me.

Turns out it was just so their dogs wouldn't freak out. She answered the door and her dad greeted me shortly after with a warm handshake and a plethora of snacks he had made in preparation for the football games that afternoon. I felt at home pretty quickly.

To calm the hounds.
Haha, classic stepdad!

My girlfriend has two dads. I've yet to meet her biological father and she doesn't want me to. He's a huge jerk that cheated on her mom then fled across the country.

Her stepdad I see on a somewhat regular basis. He's a character that's for sure. We told our parents about our relationship about 2-3 weeks ago and first thing he does is shake my hand with a grip that's way too hard for normal then takes me a side and asks what my intentions is with his daughter. While asking this he's gripping his hand around my neck. It should be noted I'm a big kid. I'm 6 foot 1 and like 200 pounds. I'm not easily intimidated. At that moment this man scared the crap out of me.

As I was trying to muster up an answer her drops his hand and hugs me and tells me he's messing with me and that I should've seen my face.

Haha, classic stepdad!
You're one of the few.

Well, when he came over I got my shotgun out and...actually, I shook his hand and said, "Pleased to meet you", because I'm not an insecure dad who thinks of his daughters as property.

You're one of the few.
Too far, Dad.

"Look, I don't know what you are into...but, you know, I was the first guy who she ever pissed on and I still cherish that memory!"

Too far, Dad.

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