Please pour one out for Kenny...

"I was helping my church high school youth group move a big, heavy sofa out of the church basement. We had a deaf kid in our youth group who was born deaf and never really learned to vocalize. His name was Kenny.

Kenny was holding the door open while we moved the sofa. Our youth pastor didn't see him and smashed him between the door and the cinderblock wall. The sofa got stuck because the door wouldn't open all the way because Kenny was squashed behind it. The youth pastor kept slamming the big heavy sofa into the door, trying to get it to open. Kenny couldn't cry out for help, he could only make this tiny 'Eeeee!' sound.

After several repeated slams, he finally screamed out, 'Ahh! Kenny!'

The problem now is that the sofa had been slammed so hard, it was wedged in the doorway with poor Kenny squashed behind it. The youth pastor had to crawl over the sofa and start slamming it back the other direction.

I was no help because I had to drop my end of the sofa and leave the room because I was laughing so hard.

All was well in the end. Kenny was rescued unharmed, I earned a dirty look from the pastor, and we eventually got the sofa moved."

Please pour one out for Kenny...
Hope you didn't get any 'pun'ishment.

"I was watching The Crucible in English class. Abigail is confronting John Proctor, reminding him of the time they slept together, trying to do it again. It's a pretty a big deal, a very serious scene. It comes back into the plot later during the witch trials.

Abigail says, 'Speak soft words to me.'

My friend whispers in my ear, 'Cotton.'

I lost it. We got some seriously dirty looks from the rest of the class."

Hope you didn't get any 'pun'ishment.
A case of the Snickering Sundays.

"My husband and I had watched Mr. Bean on a Saturday night. It was the episode where he falls asleep in church and tries to sing along with a hymn but only yells out the Alleluia part because it's all he knows. It struck my funny bone and I laughed hysterically. I even had trouble falling asleep later because my mind would wander back to the scene and I'd burst out laughing all over again.

On Sunday morning, overtired and nervous, we attended church for the first time in the very small community to which we had just moved. We were uncomfortable because everyone knew everyone else and we stood out as obvious newcomers. So, of course, after the first reading the hymn starts. And it's the Mr. Bean hymn. And everyone sings noticeably louder at the alleluia part. I got a mad case of the giggles, tried to stifle them, snorted out my nose loudly, started to choke from holding it all in, had tears running down my face, and finally succumbed to the giggles anyway.

We never went back!"

A case of the Snickering Sundays.
If you laugh, you die. No pressure though.

"The more I am not supposed to laugh, the funnier things are.

In college, my medical physiology professor was talking about shaken babies. It was only kind of funny, but I thought, 'Oh no, what would happen if I laughed?' And that was really funny. I was laughing so hard I had to leave.

Another time was after I had major abdominal surgery. I knew that if I laughed too hard, it would be a literal medical emergency, and those are some real high stakes. I couldn't even look at anything. It was the most dangerous week of my life and I only ever felt barely in control of myself."

If you laugh, you die. No pressure though.
They don't make enough gold medals for this.

"When my cousin fell down our back doors steps. It was beautiful, graceful, and almost choreographed.

We were around 12 years old, right at that awkward age when you do not want to stand out and garner any attention. When you still have to wear the clothes that your mom picks out and buys.

It was a Sunday, right after church. She was wearing a pale pink frilly dress with pleats and for whatever reason, she just rolled head over heels down the steps, just like an Olympian tumbler. A perfect 10. Her underwear were shining in the sun for all to see. It happened in slow motion. She landed on her feet. I wanted so bad for her to throw her arms straight above her head, chin raised in triumph, and bow."

They don't make enough gold medals for this.
Maniacal laughter cures everything.

"My parents were having a 'end of the relationship' sort of fight and dragged me into it and I started laughing hysterically. I couldn't stop and it actually got them to stop fighting because they thought I might need to go see someone."

Maniacal laughter cures everything.
Of all the times to pass gas!

"My sister was letting some serious farts rip during a funeral when she was like 8 years old. I was in tears laughing with my brother and two cousins. We all had to get up and leave."

Of all the times to pass gas!
It's always the funerals that bring forth the giggles!

"I was at my uncle's funeral and there was a girl there that had teardrops as a tattoo below her eye. I just hear my brother in law say, 'I wonder how many people she killed.'

I lost it and got told to leave the room."

It's always the funerals that bring forth the giggles!
It's a safety hazard at that point.

"I was at my great grandmother's funeral and a cousin tripped over her own feet and almost fell into the open casket.

I couldn't stop laughing for a solid five minutes. It's been almost 10 years and I still have family that won't talk to me."

It's a safety hazard at that point.
Get your mind out of the gutter!

"I was at a grocery store looking at hotdogs, contemplating purchasing a package of those abominations, when a woman and a little girl walked up. The mom picked up a package of hot dogs that get larger when you cook them and the kid said 'Aww I don't like it when they get bigger!'

I busted out laughing. The mom was glaring at me with laser beams, the kid was confused. I had to walk away still laughing."

Get your mind out of the gutter!
Please tell me you don't do this DURING flights.

"I'm an airline pilot and often when flying with a co-pilot you get along well with, you will try to make each other laugh while doing the announcements to the passengers; mindless things like drawing dongs on paperwork, rolling up newspapers, and hitting your colleague over the head with them or playing Top Gun quotes from your iPhone. Generally, I manage to choke out my announcements with a reasonably straight face, but once I lost it so bad, I snorted with laughter mid-sentence, had to cease the announcement, then come back and just admit, 'Sorry ladies and gentlemen, my colleague was distracting me'.

It was mostly unprofessional, yet totally hilarious."

Please tell me you don't do this DURING flights.
This priest needs a sense of humor.

"At my father's funeral, we're sitting in the church and on autopilot. My aunts are a few rows behind us, competing over who can sing off the wrong lyrics off-key the loudest and I get the giggles. The song ends but the giggles don't. The priest goes into his homily about how dad isn't gone, just sleeping. He prattles on a few minutes and stands near the casket, looking down at it- 'Paul...PAUL! Wake up to eternal life! WAKE UP PAUL!'

To which my mother (on pain meds from her own fight with cancer and a valium for the heck of it) looks at me and says, louder than she expected, 'Does this guy understand what dead means? You don't wake up from this one...' and I lose it. The priest refused to do my mom's service two months later."

This priest needs a sense of humor.
Joke of the year goes to...

"My grandmother on my mother's side died last year. I only met her once - when I was four, and the family decided to go to Boston to see her. This was the last time my mother saw her alive.

My entire family has horror stories of my grandmother. She was, by all definitions, a horrible person. She physically and psychologically tormented my uncle, kicked out my aunt when she was 15, and many believe drove my grandfather to an early grave. She's been a violent person since she was 25. She stole my mother's college funds to buy a bike.

So, at her funeral last year a friend of hers said, 'She was the closest thing to an angel anyone ever knew', and the entire family lost it and couldn't stop laughing for about five minutes."

Joke of the year goes to...
Mathematically, this is the most destructive wedding ever.

My best friend's wedding.

As his soon-to-be-wife was being walked down the aisle by her father, he managed to trip on her wedding dress, theatrically spin around, grab the hat off someone's head as he clutched at anything to hold on to, and pull his daughter down on top of him, breaking her nose with his forehead in the process. Everyone, of course, rushed to their aid. I, on the other hand, fell to the ground absolutely pissing myself laughing.

As she was being rushed away, I was still rolling on the ground laughing my ass off while everyone stared at me like I was a huge jerk. Hey, just because I was the best man, doesn't mean I'm a good man. The video still gets pulled out from time to time and I still lose it every time.

Mathematically, this is the most destructive wedding ever.
Just. EAT IT.

"I was at my grandmother's funeral mass. When the Father, who had a terrible cold at the time, told the story of the last supper, he said (in the throatiest, most gangster way ever): 'Jesus said,'you're gonna take this bread, and you're gonna EAT IT.'

I hysterically lost it right on the spot. Thankfully, I was a few rows back from the front, so when my mother-in-law threatened to take me outside, nobody heard."

Just. EAT IT.
Someone call an exorcist.

"I laughed when an old lady had a seizure during church because my friend's dad had said, 'Oh look the Holy Spirit must've gotten her'. That was pretty painful."

Someone call an exorcist.
"Don't panic, but..."

"My brother had a nosebleed in his sleep. He had one of those bunkbed type things but at the bottom, there was a sofa that pulled out as a bed. As he climbed down the ladder, he put his arm through the metal bars so that his hand was facing downwards and he lost his footing. He snapped his forearm in two between the bars. He came into my room looking like he had two elbow joints in his arm and calmly said, 'I think I've broken my arm'."

Almost as if it was meant to be.

"I was at my grandmother's wake. She loved collecting the toys and prizes from fast food places such as McDonald's, Burger King. We had a box of some of her favourites sitting under her casket during the viewing. One of these items was a stuffed, talking Taco Bell dog.

The room was mostly silent, save for some crying people, when suddenly, this dog decides to spit out one of his lines. The line? 'I think I need a bigger box.'. So picture this, in a silent room full of mourning family, all you hear is that line coming from what seems to be the casket (the box was underneath, remember). Everyone just lost it. We were loud enough that the mortician came to complain we were disturbing the other patrons."

Almost as if it was meant to be.
Dirty looks might be justified in this case.

"I had just downed my friend's bootleg energy drink. It was English class and we were watching The Pianist. During the scene where the soldiers demanded the old man in a wheelchair stand, I suddenly snorted. I slapped my hand over my mouth, but I couldn't stop. As the two men hurled the poor old man over the balcony, I was practically convulsing in laughter.

I didn't get in trouble, but I got a few dirty looks."

Dirty looks might be justified in this case.
The cheery tone is very misleading.

"I was at a beachside restaurant in Mexico and the unusually cheery waiter asked if I wanted to go down the beach to see some crocodiles. As we're walking down the beach I ask if the crocodiles have ever eaten anybody.

In a cheery tone, the waiter said that the crocodile had almost eaten a girl the previous year and that he fought the crocodile to save her. Thinking he was joking due to his tone I laughed. He gave me a look and then I saw that his arm was covered in bite scars and he was missing some fingers. I felt like a jerk for laughing at a little girl nearly dying."

The cheery tone is very misleading.
It's why we loved 'American Idol'

"I was at a school mass and the priest decided that he was going to sing the Homily. He had an absolutely terrible singing voice and my buddy next to me started cracking up which then caused a chain reaction of 8th graders trying not to pee themselves from laughing. The whole church was staring at us but somehow we never got in trouble."

It's why we loved 'American Idol'
Coolest grandma of all time.

"I was at my grandpa's funeral and my grandma suggested the whole family gather around him in his casket and take a photo. I'm standing next to her and she leans over to me and says, 'Should we prop him up so he can be in the photo too?'

We were the only ones smiling in the picture because we were laughing so hard we were almost in tears."

Coolest grandma of all time.
Even our brightest minds are slaves to oatmeal.

"I was in a high school English class and our teacher was talking about Samuel Taylor Coleridge, the guy who wrote Rime of the Ancient Mariner among other things. She was going on about the guy's life and then she got to the point where everything went downhill for him because of his tragic opium addiction. I started giggling, and I couldn't stop. Kids were looking at me odd.

Well the thing is, my teacher had kind of a twangy, southern accent, and when she said 'opium', to me for some reason it sounded like, 'oatmeal'. So I could have sworn she was going on and on about Samuel Taylor Coleridge's oatmeal addiction, and the thought of some guy blasted out of his mind on oatmeal just cracked me up. It took me about ten minutes to figure out that I'd just heard things wrong - but what a crazy burst of a hilarious alternate reality I experienced in those ten minutes."

Even our brightest minds are slaves to oatmeal.
Two funerals in one swing.

"My wife and I arrived a little early to the crematorium for the service of a recently departed friend. It was busy, some people I recognized and others I didn't. A hearse drew up and the coffin was lifted from it into the building shortly followed by mourners. We entered and made our way close to the front. On the way I noticed we were getting strange looks from the people that had already sat down, my wife was crying with her face in a tissue. Once the service started and the name of the deceased was mentioned it immediately became clear we were attending the wrong funeral. Our friend was male, this was for an old lady.

At that point, the odd looks made sense. I wanted to burst out laughing but couldn't, after all the people sitting close by has just lost a loved one. I also had tears streaming down my face as I struggled to contain myself, my wife was also trying hard not to giggle as the strain of grief was instantly turned into hilarity. This is the kind of joke our friend would have loved, this was his humor.

After the service ended we quite literally circled the building and went in again this time to the correct service. When I look back on the day, no matter how sad it was I remember the mistake I made by leading us into the wrong funeral and can't help but get a wry smile."

Two funerals in one swing.
Hey, Mr. Tangerine Man.

"In 1985, I was 13 years old and I stole a syringe from the physics lab at school. My goal was to try and inflate a tangerine. I got busted by my teacher. He was enraged and grilled me for what seemed like an eternity.

When I told him why I stole the needle, I was laughing, so he slapped me across the face. In hindsight, he probably thought I was into drugs and that I was messing with him."

Hey, Mr. Tangerine Man.

Points have been edited for clarity.

Source: 1, 2

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