"My wife had to deal with a love scene I did in a short thriller about 10 years ago.
We talked about it a lot for weeks before the scene was shot and she said that she was uncomfortable about me doing it, so both the director and I agreed she could be on set if she wanted when we shot it, the main reason being was that she'd be able to see that there is nothing remotely romantic about most love scenes. It's a tedious process and as many people already know, there is a whole bunch of people just a couple of feet away from you, all huddled around, doing their jobs on set.
In most of the scene, the actress I was doing the scene with was sitting on my lap facing me, with her legs wrapped around me. This sounds nice until you realize we sat like that, holding still, for hours. My legs went numb. The simulated love-making lasts only like a minute on screen, but hours and hours were spent with the actress and I talking about everything under the sun: ice hockey, investments, plays or other acting we'd done, our families, all that good stuff.
It made my wife feel much, much better about the scene. At least until she saw it for the first time as part of the completed film and then she got a tiny bit weirded out again because it looked really good on screen. But we talked some more about it and recalled how business-like the shoot went and how physically uncomfortable I was the whole time and she was cool with it again.
I had other acting jobs that didn't include outright intimate scenes but were more just kissing and holding hands, or holding one another closely which actually bothered her more. She says she thinks they bother her more because those scenes give her the impression of much more emotional investment between me and the actresses. She says it feels more like "cheating" because of that.
Overall she's not thrilled with these but can rationally understand that it is make-believe."
"The first time my wife saw me make out on film she said it didn't bother her at all, but when she saw me flirting and charming the woman in other scenes and the woman was laughing, that's when she got frazzled.
To her, the making out was acting, but me joking and being charming with this gal in the scene felt too real.
However, when she was watching me kiss a guy on a 50-foot screen in front of a sold out audience with several famous people in attendance, she thoroughly enjoyed it."
"My ex-boyfriend is an actor. He's also devoutly religious and we were both very chaste, so it was pretty terrible to see him go further on the screen then we had as a couple. He wanted to keep both parts of his life very separate to make sure I wasn't in it for the fame but it meant that I didn't know the people he was kissing and they didn't know I existed. Overall, I was being setup to be a pretty big fool, so it was all very good when it ended.
I was annoyed because he was cast on one of my favorite shows so I did have to quit watching, even when we were together, because it was too awkward."
"My ex-girlfriend was an actress. Her kissing on stage wasn't really a big deal, but I found it was way worse when they did violent stuff like shoving and stuff, I almost got up and jumped on stage. We had talked about the kissing beforehand and I was fine with it, it's art and a job, not personal. The violence was a lot harder to deal with, because it's still violence in a way, it definitely surprised me."
"My ex-girlfriend and I were both actors, so we never minded to much. There's that slight hint of jealousy, and then it turns me on a little. My ex played a 1940s widow on stage and there's a scene where she undresses and starts to kiss someone. When I saw it I was standing to attention for the next hour.
We had the best hook up ever on closing night."
"I'm no longer in a relationship with her. I handled it terribly, and I was not supportive of her through it at all. I tried, I really did, but I was so adamantly against it that she ended up leaving me for one of the other actors, not even the one that she was kissing. It sucked."
"My husband's an actor and I'm a costume designer and stage manager. If we don't work the show together, he doesn't tell me anything about his shows before I go see them.
I watched him have a prolonged heart attack in Dead Man's Cell Phone, and I was white-knuckling the armrests and repeatedly reminding myself it was pretend. It was everything I could do to stay in my seat and not try and help him. I've watched him have an onstage kiss, play megalomaniacs, psych inmates, hot-headed cops, and goofy time travellers; only the heart attack ever bothered me."
"It didn't go over well. My ex-girlfriend actually left me for the actor that she co-starred in a movie with. He was an 80s teen heartthrob about 15 years past his prime, but apparently, she had his poster on her wall when she was a kid."
"(Disclaimer: I'm a woman)
My girlfriend is in a show where she's currently kissing another woman. At first, it made me feel slightly jealous, because we are long distance, but after the first rehearsal where they staged the kiss, she came home and complained that the other girl was 'an amateur stage lesbian' which made me feel a lot better."
"I was seeing the 'top actress' at my college for a while. Love scenes never bothered me. It's work and it's art. The only thing that did get to me once was this scene where she was crying. I had seen her cry before in real life and it was identical.
I was in on many of the rehearsals, and I helped the stage crew here and there. I was never there during the actual performances, but with building sets and such. It's not like I hadn't seen the scenes before.
Theater kids are an odd bunch. They go to class together, they work together, and they party together. It's a very tight-knit group of people and there's definitely a loosely defined pecking order. I had the luxury of being outside most of the drama, as I wasn't actually a theatre major. However, I wanted to meet hot guys, so I took an 'intro' drama class, which got me in socially to the group. My most significant relationship in that group ended up being with a woman, but that's how the chips fall.
She's up and coming in a major city right now. I fully expect to see her on Broadway one day."
"I was in a play in high school and I played the male lead. The female lead I didn't find particularly attractive, and there were no kissing or touching scenes of any kind in the play, not even handholding.
But, after every rehearsal, her real-life boyfriend would show up and act like she owed him money, and that I scraped the paint on his car. Why the teacher-director didn't have the guts to ban him from the rehearsals, I have no idea."
"I'm a producer and am married to an actress. I'm pretty much solely concerned about her performance, and whether she/the scene/the project is any good.
But I have definitely thought, 'No way this dude could ever do my wife in real life' or conversely, 'It's pretty cool that one of my favorite actors is pretending to be in love with my wife'. Twisted, I know, but it's the life we lead."
"I dated an actress in high school and I hated it. She'd bring it up constantly because it made her feel desired. She pulled the victim card and called me jealous, yet later on found out she was screwing one of the actors, who was screwing a different actress, and the chain goes on and on.
The lot of them got a whole slew of diseases and it actually made our local news."
"My ex-girlfriend decided to do adult films while we were together. At first it was just nudes, but the money was so good she eventually started doing films. She was very clear she wanted me there for safety's sake.
It was the most difficult year of my life. She was making great money, but shaking hands with the guys who were about to screw my girlfriend was beyond awkward."
"I did community theater for 10 years. I've been the actor and dated the actor. It honestly doesn't bother me. I'm so desensitized to it that it's unreal.
By the time you get to the actual show it's like kissing your brother or grandma. Yes, sometimes feelings develop but at the end of the day, you're keeping it professional. I've watched my exes in plays and I've been in plays with them where they've kissed other people.
It's a role you play and you have to separate the role from your significant other. There was never any time for emotional cheating drilling lines for hours a night."
"I've dated many actresses before. The kissing, I don't really want to see it but it's part of the job and I get it.
The hooking up scenes are gross, I don't want to really see it, it's part of their job. It makes me a little uncomfortable, but I can get over it.
Thing is, most of it is simulated minus some chest grabs here and there. There's a lot of safety and monitoring on site so there's no actual hooking up taking place. It's not like they are there to get their rocks off. Most actors don't really want to do those scenes because they're so uncomfortable. There's no emotional cheating aspect either. It's just another day at the office, two actors there to do their job.
It's when they start having rehearsals and where they're meeting up to go at it, that's when it's really more cheating/exploiting the loophole than it is being a professional."
"My husband does a lot of acting on stage and often has roles involving kissing/getting it on. For one play, he had to have doing the deed with his super hot ex-girlfriend.
I have never been more turned on in my life. I couldn't keep my hands off him after the show."
"I had a kissing scene in a play a few years ago and was approached by the actresses boyfriend. He looked me in the eye and said, 'I am okay with you kissing her. And when you kiss her, kiss her good because she's a good kisser.'
I was so confused."
"My girlfriend currently has a minor role in a play where her scenes involve her kissing a guy and also appearing in a skimpier outfit as well as a bunny costume on stage. All of it has made me quite the nervous wreck at times, but she has been very supportive and understands my situation.
After three months of helping her practice her lines, I went to see the play a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't really that shocked as I knew what I was in for but I'm not going to see the play another. She says she enjoys the role and feels confident doing those scenes, so I'm trying to be as supportive as I can."
Points have been edited for clarity.