Mad, Sad, Confused

"Used to work in a convenience store during college. This convenience store didn't have the classiest of clientele. One day this lady came in and wants some cigarettes that we were out of. They were the cheap brand and so she goes on to say, 'Well, if you're out of those the manager lets her have the premium brands for the same price.' I laugh right into her face and say, 'Do you want them or not, they're gonna be the price they are.' She gets upset, goes on this tirade and tells me to call the manager. At this point, I was tired of her but I fancy her request. So I say, 'Ok, I'll do it.' I pick up the store phone, call my own cell phone, let my cell phone ring for a few seconds, then answer my cell phone while still on the store phone and say, 'Hey there's this lady here and wants to speak to the manager.' The mad, then confused, then sad, then mad again face she made was the greatest of all comebacks I've probably ever come up with in my life, It was great."

Mad, Sad, Confused

WAYHOME studio/Shutterstock

Movie Theater Burn

"I worked in a movie theater with a full bar in it, I was helping sell tickets and the other manager on duty was working at the bar since our bartender was running late. Had two guys come up from the bar fuming mad. I immediately jump on a register in order to take care of whatever was going on. These guys then proceed to complain about how the 'idiot bartender' wouldn't serve them without an ID and demanded to speak to a manager. I informed them that's who I was and when I told them that's our policy is that no matter how old you may look we need to see a physical ID. Unsatisfied with my answer they asked if there was another manager on duty. 'Yeah. He just kicked you out of the bar though so I don't know how much help he'll be to you.' They then stormed out and we never heard from them again."

Movie Theater Burn
I Scream,You Scream

"I ran an ice cream shop. I must have said, 'Actually, I am the manager' at least once a week. My favorite was this woman I eventually banned from the shop. She would come in with her husband and annoying kids. Then she would try to order a large (three scoops) and ask me to put it in three single scoop cups, but only charge for the large. I said no. You either order three single scoops or you order a large. The difference in cost is quite a bit, but it's fairly standard for companies to do it this way. I wasn't having it. She got pissy that I wouldn't do it. First, she said, 'Well the manager let me do it last week.' 'No I didn't,' I told her flatly. 'Well then whoever was working let me do it and they said they were the manager.' 'No they didn't. I believe my workers over you.' 'Well I want to talk to the manager.' 'I am the manager. You are talking to me. I said no.' 'Fine!' And she and her little family stormed out without any ice cream. No skin off my back. She was rude to me and my workers, I wasn't going to let her treat us that way. Then she proceeds to call the shop the next day when I am working again. She said, 'Hello, I need to speak to the manager.' 'Speaking. How can I help you?' 'I was in there yesterday and some nasty woman lied and said she was the manager, but she wouldn't let me get what I wanted.' 'That nasty woman was me. You're banned from our location. Don't come back.' She then tried to call corporate to report me. Corporate outsources complaints to the manager with the highest rating in the area, which was me. So when she called corporate to complain about me, she also got me. I wrote up the details of the conversation and forwarded all of her messages to the district manager, and he agreed with my decision and allowed me to send her an email officially banning her from the store."

I Scream,You Scream
This Woman Tried To Return A...

"I was the manager at an EB Games back in the day. This was probably about 2000-2001. I was there for the launch of the PS2 and Diablo 2 (two biggest events I can remember). We had an older lady come in one day and wanted to 'return' a system she had bought for her son. She claimed he had gotten bad grades in school and was returning it as a punishment. She handed me this ridiculously old and beat up cardboard box. I opened it to find a dirty, dusty, cheeto fingerprint-covered PS1. I knew that the original PlayStation launched in 1994 (and now I feel super old), so what I was looking at in the box was at least 6 years old. I paused, looked back at her, and for whatever reason asked if she had the receipt. She actually did. Sure enough, it had the date printed on it, and it was from some time in '94. I still hadn't said anything more, I was just looking at the mess in front of me when she spoke up and said something along the lines of 'and I'll just take the cash back, that will be fine.' I laughed, which was probably my first mistake, and said 'I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to return this, this is six years old, and clearly used.' She tried to argue that she had bought it here at this store and the manager at the time told her she could return it for 'any' reason and went on this crazy diatribe about her kid being bad, etc, etc. It went on for a good 5-10 minutes. When she was done, I just flipped the receipt over and read her the EB return policy: '30 days from date of purchase for unopened merchandise, etc.' She completely lost it. It escalated so quickly I contemplated calling mall security and the police. She wasn't having it. Then I told her she could 'sell' the system back to us (it was worth about $40 at the time), which would have given her something, but she wasn't biting on that one. She asked for the manager, demanded to see the manager, wouldn't rest until she told the manager how rude I had been (I was pretty much a saint for most of this) and was going to get me fired. I just pointed to my name tag, and in the most satisfied tone humanly possible said, 'Lady, I am the manager, and there's no way on God's green earth that I'm returning an opened, 6 year old, clearly used, dirty PlayStation.' She stormed out, never to be seen again. It was glorious."

This Woman Tried To Return A...

Andrey_Popov/Shutterstock

"The Best Line I've Ever Heard"

"I worked at a clothing retail store. It was a busy day and we had a special promotion where we were handing out promotional cards at the front of the store and the customers could text a code and receive either 15, 20, or 25 percent off of their total transaction. A teenage girl was at check out and had a decent amount of clothing I was ringing up and then told her the total. I asked to see her code from her phone and se said, 'I tried texting the code but it didn't work' she stated. This isn't the first customer I had to say this so I proceeded with the prompt, 'You may have to go to the front of the store and try it again as some people aren't getting signal back here.' She slightly scoffed and gave the teen girl eye roll and started trying on her phone again. 'Can't you just apply the 25% off code?' Another FAQ from the work day. I told her that I unfortunately need the bar code to scan to apply the discount. At this point she is getting pretty irritated. I get where she's coming from though. She's holding up a line, she's embarrassed, all her friends probably left her to go to Starbucks to get their extra venti, 3 pumps squad goals, sprinkle of leggings and Ugg Boots macchiato. So I called the nearest manager walking by just to give her relief and do that thing where the manager is just going to say the same exact thing I told her. 'Hey, her promo thing isn't working, she's not getting the bar code to show up.' Manager pops over into the till and says. 'You can either go to the front and try pulling up the code up there or you can pay and bring your clothes back when it works and we can do a price adjustment.' The girl looks back quickly into the sea of people staring at her, then back to my manager. 'Can't you just have your manager do the code?' she says. Manager responds with, 'I am the manager, and no I can't.' His abruptness showed that we have to get through these customers and a resolution needed to be sought out soon. 'Well what do you want me to do, it's not my fault that your code doesn't work on my phone' she replied. Probably the best line I've ever heard from my manager is what happened next with his quick reply of, 'I don't know, I don't make cell phone or cell phone towers' and walked away [mic dropped] to go do more important things. We lost that sale."

Borysevych.com/Shutterstock

"I Turned Around And Pretended..."

"I used to work in the box office for an MLB team. The actual manager was usually extremely busy and couldn't easily respond to issues at 15 different windows, so we frequently pretended to be each other's managers. It was the easiest way to get back up when an annoying customer would not accept one of our policies. On one night I was helping a very drunk customer who refused to accept a policy. He asked to speak to the manager, but he and everyone else around me were super busy. So I turned my back on the customer, turned back around, pretended to be a different person, and backed myself up. He accepted this without issue and went on his way."

Tyler Olson/Shutterstock

Who's Your Friend?

"Was working at a chain bookstore in the same town that the CEO lived in, and he would frequently come into our store to get things. Had a customer blowing up at me over a return and that an exception should be made, because he 'knows the CEO really well, [they] go way back.' Not the first time I've heard similar things. It didn't help he got the CEO's first name wrong. I wish I could have some sort of memento from this, but the CEO was in the store that day. The CEO was in the very line for the registers that annoying customer was holding up with demands to return something he didn't buy from us. I knew the customer was full of garbage since they had the name wrong and ignored his 'good friend' in line. So it was nice when I asked why he didn't say anything to his 'pal', it was even nicer when the CEO came up to us at the registers to ask if they needed help, and it was so nice to have two store managers stand there confirming that he was talking to the CEO and was caught in the lie of knowing the CEO to demand a return."

Who's Your Friend?

pathdoc/Shutterstock

"If You're Going To Waste My Time..."

"Worked at one of those mall-pretzel stores back in high school. Not a busy mall, so there would be days where I'd open and close and be the only person there. The owner trusted me with everything, and I liked the cash under the table. One day working the solo open to close shift, this particular human was maybe my 3rd customer of the day, THAT'S how slow it was in this place during the week. She walks up, orders multiple orders of pretzel nuggets, 3 large smoothies and a pizza pretzel. 'That'll be this much money.' 'Oh nu-uh, I was here earlier and you all were outta the smoothie mix. I done paid and talked to the manager, he left a note in the drawer.' Oh really now? I open the drawer and grab a random piece of paper. 'OH! Yep, here it is. He even said he accidentally overcharged you and to refund you back some cash.' Woman snaps her hand in front of my face, 'YEP! That's what happened. I done forgot about that.' 'Well, it's going to take me a bit to get everything together as I'm the only person here, so you want to browse around and come back in about 15 minutes or so?' 'YEP! And can you throw in some extra dipping stuff for the inconvenience? Ya'll shouldn't make paying customers wait like this.' She waddles off to the cheap costume jewelry place across the way. I close the register, take the key, put up my 'Back in 20 Minutes' sign and go out the back door for a smoke. Fifteen minutes later, one of the other mall employees come out to tell me about the woman screaming in front of the store. As I walk down the corridor, I can hear it bellowing. 'HELLOOOOO YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE MY FOOD! I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY! HELLLLOOOO PRETZEL GIRL!' I come out of the back room 'Can I help you?' 'Girl! I wanna talk to your manager! He told me I could have free stuff and then you run off without giving me anything. You are done. YOU ARE FIRED.' 'Listen lady, you're a lying piece of trash. I've been here all day. I AM the manager as far as your concerned. And the 'owner' of this place wouldn't let anyone get free stuff OR pre-pay. You want to come up here and waste my time, then I'm going to waste yours right back. If you don't stop screaming at me, I'll just have my friends in security remove you.' 20 minutes later, she was being led out by the REAL police, and not just mall security. Sadly, for as slow and empty as this mall usually was, seeing someone getting escorted out by the local police wasn't an uncommon sight."

pathdoc/Shutterstock

Piercing Problem

"I worked in HR and was in charge of enforcing dress code. There was a very strict rule about piercings, and basically women were allowed one matching pair in the lobe of the ear and any other piercing, on men or women, was out of code. So this girl was trying to get in to work with a septum, nostril, eyebrow and lip piercing in. Security sent her to my office to review policy, and either remove the piercings or get a grooming code pass to go to her job site. So I begin talking to this girl and get her paperwork out that she had signed stating she knew the grooming code and would abide by it, yadda yadda yadda, and explained to her that if she would be going to work that day she needed to remove the piercings. She then tells me that they're all permanent and can't be removed except through surgery, to which I respond 'okay. That's fine. But until they're out I can't let you go into work. Would you like me to mark you in as absent - unexcused from your shift?' She then proceeds to tell me that I am just profiling her based on race (not true) and that I don't know how piercings work (not true, I have 19) and that I don't know what it's like to have to rely on a job to stay alive (also not true, I didn't work there because I thought it was fun). She then asks for the manager, who was me, and when I told her that and she called me a 'lying sack of dirt' and spit at me. I terminated her employment to prove to her that I was in fact not lying."

Piercing Problem

AXL/Shutterstock

This Girl Got Caught In Her Own Lie

"Worked in retail, specifically a specialist bra fitting shop. One day I was working the change room desk upstairs, taking bookings for fittings and helping the 10 or so customers in the rooms for people who didn't need a fitting but needed me to just quickly check things sometimes and fetch different sizes. It was busy, and a woman came in during the lunch rush and demanded a fitting. I politely told her that I was very sorry but all the fitters were booked with other customers for the next hour or so, so I could help her a bit but can't give 1 on 1 attention as I'm helping all the other rooms too, so if she wants the full thing she would need to pop back tomorrow or later. She flew off the handle, telling me how busy and important she was, that she made a special trip, she can't come back tomorrow, I should help her, etc. She was really rude, aggressive and mean. I just politely repeated that I was very sorry but I couldn't help her for the reasons above, we just had no free staff, she ranted a while but then left. A few minutes after she went downstairs, I got a call from one of the till girls saying a customer was complaining about the young girl at the fitting desk who refused to help her even though she could see spaces on the list, and had been rude and had been swearing at her and wanted to see the manager about it. It should be noted I was about 24 at the time, but looked really young - maybe 18. She clearly had no idea I was the manager. I told the desk girl I would be down shortly. I walked down those steps so slowly with a huge grin to let the horrible woman slowly recognize who I was. When she saw it was me her face was just a picture. I played along asking for a description of the 'girl' who was so rude, as that is very much outside our standards and I am shocked to hear such a thing happened. I said I was upstairs at the time and certainly would have intervened if I had heard such a thing, etc. Huge grin on full power the whole time. She had caused such a scene that all the people in the shop were staring at us. So she either had to admit she had been lying and trying to get what she thought was some poor shop girl fired, or she had to make up a description with me obviously going to be saying things like, 'hmm, no one here looks anything like that - try again.' She just was at a loss for words, her mouth agape gasping for air, bright red, not making eye contact. I forget if she said anything at all but she stood there for a long while and just left. I have never felt such satisfaction as I did walking down those stairs knowing what was about to happen."

This Girl Got Caught In Her Own Lie

Borysevych/Shutterstock

Do It Yourself

"Not the manager, but the president of the company. Back in the 2000s our business model was outsourced IT for small companies that didn't have IT staff of their own. I had about 5 guys total. One day my senior engineer and I were installing some servers at a new startup run by these two pieces of trash. I had a ponytail at the time and my tech was more clean cut so they assumed he was my boss, even though the company is in my name. I could already tell they were rude but I was in the process of switching over our corporate health insurance plan and had to take a 5-minute phone call while I was working on a server. Dude goes to complain to my guy about me, getting all angry about my phone call, my guy comes and tells me what happened. We had delivered the server hardware and software licenses but were only an hour or two in on the install. They had said some other rude things and I could tell they were going to nickel and dime us the whole way so I called it - told my guy to pack his stuff, walked up to the head piece of trash and told him that I was in fact the owner of the company, that he was out of line and I was sick of his comments, he has the hardware and software that he already paid for but he would need to find someone else to install it for him, then we both walked out. We make our clients pay by check up front for all goods but bill the hours later so no one lost out on any money, but it sure felt good to leave those guys sitting on their equipment with no one to set it up for them because of their bad attitude. Screw those guys, I don't put up with that stuff."

Do It Yourself

Kjetil Kolbjornsrud/Shutterstock

"Let Me Ask Our Expert..."

"I was an auto parts store manager. In that retail setting, you don't see too many female employees, and when some customers come in they want to talk to a male employee. In this case, I was working with another employee, a female manager, when a guy came in and started asking her questions. He clearly knew little, as he was the one asking questions. Our female manager was answering them, but the guy didn't like or believe the answers coming from her. I was in the back around the corner, but listening to the conversation. The guy said she clearly couldn't help him and he needed to talk to a man. I came out from around the corner about this time and the customer came down to the register where I was standing. He started asking me questions about parts, and I told him, 'Hmmm, that is a good question. Let me ask our expert...' and I called over our female manager. Customer got all huffy and said we were running a two bit store and that we didn't know anything. He told us he'd visit out competitor and then left. That coming from the guy asking the questions, not giving the answers. I really don't like those kind of people."

Zholobov Vadim/Shutterstock

"That's Sir To You"

"I was an Army Lieutenant. Mid-20s, but looked late teens. I was accosted by new Sergeant Major (6'4" loud, angry guy) during physical training as I was not wearing any sign of my rank. He yelled at me, 'Hey you! C'mere!' So I respond, 'Yes, Sergeant Major?' I walk over, and I'm not standing at parade rest when he's talking to me, which irks him. 'Um, what is this?! Are we buddies?' I smile and shake my head. 'I think what you mean to say is "Are we buddies, SIR?!"' Someone chimes in, 'That's a Lieutenant, Sergeant Major.' 'Oh!' He salutes me, I salute back, and I'm back on my way. I got gruff all the time for looking young while in the Army."

wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock

Hit The Road

"This guy was owner and operated his own trailer, so he ran fully solo and just picked loads from a board instead of driving hauling company trailers and going where dispatch asked. So this guy gets loaded and after the fork truck driver hands him the load paperwork, he demands a lumper fee for the loading. The guy says no, the contract the load broker signed clearly states 'broker pays all loading and unloading fees,' so call them about it. Well they call and the broker starts humming and hawing about it with the shipper, holding the truck driver for ransom basically. Truck driver gets fed up and tells the broker he's bailing on this load since they've wasted X number of hours, also a breach of the contract they signed with him, and he tells the shipper to unload him so he can leave. Shipper lady gets combative and threatens to call his company, he says 'Alright then, go ahead.' She calls and his cell phone rings. He answers and shouts, 'MY FREAKING TRUCK, MY FREAKING TRAILER, GET YOUR STUFF OUT OF IT.'"

Hit The Road
No Smoking

"I was a Sergeant with my city's Transit Enforcement department. I was just making casual rounds when I overheard a lady scream profanities at one of my officers. I walked over to provide back up and she started cussing me out too. She was upset because the officer had asked her not to smoke in the train station and was 'harassing' her. She was cussing me out for standing there. Lots of 'blah blah, get a real job' the typical daily abuse we dealt with. I hadn't really said anything to her until she told my officer to call her supervisor so that she could file a complaint against him for unlawfully harassing her. I stepped in and identified myself as the Sergeant, and highest person on duty at the time, she didn't skip a beat and began complaining. I don't think she realized that I had just witnessed her entire performance. I simply pointed 2to the 'no smoking' signs that were nearby. I also thanked her for letting me know that my officers were doing their job. I pointed out that she could have received a citation for smoking, but the officer was just trying to give her a verbal warning. I then wrote her a cite for causing a public disturbance (not because she cussed at us, but because her cussing and demeanor caused several other patrons to move away from her) and kicked her out of the station."

No Smoking
"I'm Fine, Thanks"

"I'm a 30-year-old female with tattoos and I've been in management since 18, so I'm used to it, but this one was funny and just happened. My whole admin team hit one of their big goals a couple months ago, so I took them to the spa as a reward. Making small talk with the person taking care of the event, I explained why we were there and he said, 'Oh, how is the manager handling everything without the whole office there? He must work you ladies hard!' So I got to reply, 'Well I run the place, and I'm handling things just fine, but thanks for the concern.'"

pathdoc/Shutterstock

"She Takes The Shrieking Receiver From Me And..."

"My aunt used to own a second-hand furniture store. She called it 'Sally Mae's Secondhand Shop' as Sally and Mae were the middle names of her two daughters. I would occasionally go over and help her clean or rearrange furniture there. One afternoon I'm watching the front and she's in the back and the phone rings so I answer. It's this woman who sold an old armoire and is upset about the amount of money she was given for it. This was told to me after the fact because I couldn't decipher anything from the banshee screech through the phone. My aunt comes back and sees my wide-eyed teenage face and takes the shrieking receiver from me. My aunt handles the call and I can hear all of it. She explains that the armoire was only worth about a hundred bucks, not 1k, because it was made of plywood and severely damaged, not cherry and walnut and in 'prime condition' like the woman claimed. Banshee isn't having any of it and demands to speak to 'Sally Mae.' 'Who?' 'Sally Mae. It's her shop isn't it? I want to talk to her. You're being rude.' My aunt laughs, explains that she owns the store and that Sally Mae was just a name that she liked. Told the woman to never contact her for business again and hung up."

Rachata Teyparsit/Shutterstock

She Actually Said This

"I used to work at a Hot Topic and was the opening manager some weekday a few summers ago. This woman comes in with her 25+ y/o punk daughter and her boyfriend to buy them some clothes. They were pretty much regulars and I knew their faces. Anyway, the shorts were on sale but you couldn't mix girls shorts with guys. I let them know that and later when I'm ringing her out and she isn't seeing the sale applied to the shorts she got she absolutely snaps on me. I explained calmly that I already told her that the sale couldn't be applied as it's an automatic button and I cannot physically honor it. She was getting really heated and starting to yell at me, basically just being angry and condescending. The conversation was like this: Her: You can just change the price. It's not that hard. Me: I'm sorry but I can't do that, it's not part of the sale so I can't actually do that (Even if I could I'm not going to give you a discount, you shouldn't get one if you're rude, sorry). Her: You clearly don't understand how a register works. Me: Ma'am, I cannot give you the sale. Either you can buy these two items as they are or you can put them away. Her (I kid you not, she actually said the following): Little girl, why don't you run into the back and get your manager so I can explain how this works to her. I ALMOST EXPLODED. I WAS SO EXCITED. I WAS SO READY TO FINALLY DO IT. So, with the most smug smile, I simply said, 'I am the manager. What did you need me to explain?' It was the best."

She Actually Said This

Pop Paul-Catalin/Shutterstock

"The Choice Is Yours"

"An elderly man in a wheelchair came into my restaurant. He was very animated, saying stuff like, 'I don't need no menu, I just wanna know where the food at!' And when I tried to sit him at a large table that was close to the door/bathroom he exclaimed, 'Don't seat me there, looking like the last supper for me!' I sit him at a two top, and I can already tell the female server whose section he is in is not happy. About ten minutes after his food comes out, another female server--a stocky rugby player--comes up to me and says that she will be taking over the table. The man has been licking his lips and saying things to the first server like, 'Are you on the menu tonight?' And 'Lemme get a slice of you for dessert.' So I take a stroll. 'How's the food, sir?' He actually has the gall to complain the greens in his salad are too bitter. 'I can have the kitchen remake that for you with romaine. The reason I came over here is that you're making some comments that are making one of my servers very uncomfortable.' 'What's that? What did you say to me?' Now, I raise my voice so that the next 10-15 tables can hear me. 'You're making lewd and improper comments to one of my servers, which is why I had this table transferred to another server. You need to compose yourself like a gentleman in my establishment or I can wheel you out the door. The choice is yours.' I'm dressed in plainclothes as opposed to all black, so as he is about to ask to speak to a manager, he clams up and does awkward seal face. The guy then not say anything to the new server after that. Like, at all. Then suddenly, he snapped and yelled, 'Get my check I asked you thirty minutes ago!' Server 2 went to get change from the bar, and after about one minute of waiting, he said 'Screw it, I'm done with all y'all!' And wheeled out, leaving the server actually quite a nice tip, accidentally I assume."

Rommel Canlas/Shutterstock

VIP Pizza

"An old man comes into the pizzeria I manage. Doesn't say a thing to me just hands me a piece of paper with numbers on it. We have a rewards program and I assumed it was his code for a free pizza, so the first thing I said was, 'Oh is this your code for the VIP pizza?' And he says, 'Yeah but I want a sub with chips and a drink.' I said, 'Sir, this code is only for a large pizza with two toppings,' and he starts to throw a little geriatric fit, and of course, I stand my ground because he was rude. He starts looking behind the counter as if to get my coworker's attention and I quickly redirect him to me saying, 'Uh, and I'm the manager so you can talk to me if you have a problem.' He basically demanded his free sub and I wouldn't give it to him because 1) as far as I knew this code was only for a free pizza and 2) he was so rude and I'm not going out of my way for him. Sure I could give it to him for free, but how does someone that old still not understand courtesy and manners? He ended up taking the pizza. That's right."

VIP Pizza

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