He's Got A Good Reason To Be Shocked

"ER doc here. Once told a lady she was pregnant, the response I got was, 'No, no, no, no, no...'

I was a little confused, so I looked to the husband, who also looked confused. And after a moment he just said, 'I returned from Afghanistan yesterday...'

Awkward."

He's Got A Good Reason To Be Shocked

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"Doc, Neither Of Those Is Good News"

"Had to cancel a woman in pre-op because her pregnancy test came back positive. I told her, 'I have good new and bad news. The bad news is, we can't do your surgery today. The good news is...you're pregnant!'

Her response was, 'Doc, neither of those is good news.'

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The Immaculate Conception Part II

"Nurse here: Had a lady trying to beat up one of my doctors for 'telling her she was loose.' He didn't, he just told her that she was preggo.

Same doc, later on, told a different patient she was pregnant. She replied, 'But I never actually did it for real.'

He went to the window and stared outside. Asked what he was doing, he replied, 'The last time this happened, a new star lit up the sky over Bethlehem.'"

The Immaculate Conception Part II
She Wasn't Ready For The Big News

"I asked an ER doctor I work with, 'How do you break the news to a teenager like that?'

He said, 'Come with and find out.' We went in and it's the girl with her grandma there. She's probably 16 years old. First thing he says is, 'Well your results are back, do you mind if your family is here when we talk about them?'

PRO-TIP: ALWAYS SAY 'YES, I MIND' TO THIS QUESTION.

She said no. Then he told her and she immediately started crying. The look her grandma gave her said 1000 words, all of which were unpleasant. Not 5 minutes later, her mom came in yelling and calling her daughter every name in the book and pretty much anything else you could imagine. She had to be escorted out by security.

All in all, it was a fairly interesting way to witness my first unwanted pregnancy reveal."

She Wasn't Ready For The Big News

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"She Simply Wouldn't Accept That She Was Pregnant"

"In medical school, I admitted a lady who didn't know she was 8 months pregnant. She simply wouldn't accept that she was, and was in denial to a seriously strange degree. I was on my psychiatry rotation, so she was admitted to obstetrics for observation but with our team following. She thought we were performing unnecessary surgery on her when we did the ultrasound. She didn't believe she was delivering while she was. Complete denial and delusional thought (paranoia).

After she gave birth, she refused to accept she had a child, and the ministry had to adopt.

It was a very distressing case. To my knowledge, she has never accepted the pregnancy."

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A Vasectomy Gone Wrong Or Something Else?

"I used to work for a urologist who did vasectomies. He did a vasectomy on a guy, then did the requisite 3-month and 6-month analysis follow-up tests to make sure it worked. The 6-month test showed no sperm, so the guy was all set to not father children. Fast forward two years, and he calls my surgeon fuming, ranting and raving about how he screwed up the vasectomy and now his wife is pregnant. So doctor orders another semen analysis - of course, it comes back totally negative. A very awkward conversation ensued in the exam room that I'd have paid anything to eavesdrop on. The best part is, the couple left the office pissed off, with the wife sticking to her story that she would never cheat on her husband, and the husband in complete denial that she'd ever lie about that."

A Vasectomy Gone Wrong Or Something Else?

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The Doctor Has Some Hard Truths To Lay On These Ladies

"ED scribe here. Had to tell a 19-year-old she was pregnant. I'm not allowed to talk to patients, but I do have to be present to document that my provider has informed the patient of lab results. When my provider (a PA rotating through triage) asked her if she was sexually active, she said, 'Yes, but not like that,' and I'll admit that the PA in the room and I shared a WTF look. Then when the PA told her the positive results, she blurted out she'd only done it in the butt, the PA facepalmed, I did as well. Awkward all around.

In a previous night shift we had to tell four different women they were pregnant. The second one was a woman who fell off her bike and was complaining of abdominal pain. Denied a chance of pregnancy with her boyfriend in the room, but when he left to get coffee, she waved me over and said that she cheated on him and her period was four days late. I relayed that to the provider, and sure enough, she was preggo. She did fracture her hip and was admitted, so I don't know how she broke the news to her boyfriend.

The third of the night was a woman who had a history of miscarriages and came in for abdominal pain. Sure enough, the test is positive, but this time it looked like a healthy pregnancy and she was estimated to be past the first trimester (still not even showing a baby bump). She then asked the PA if he could 'take care of her pregnancy' there so she wouldn't have to deal with it later...

The last one was a 22-year-old female who thought she had a UTI, and when she got the news, she immediately called up her boyfriend, while my provider is mid-sentence with her, and had the bf schedule and appointment with a clinic to get rid of it the next day. She hung up, calmly looked up at the PA and told him to prescribe whatever will make her UTI go away because the pregnancy wasn't going to be a problem anymore.

Doesn't anyone plan a pregnancy anymore?"

The Doctor Has Some Hard Truths To Lay On These Ladies

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When The Impossible Happened

"My grandmother was pregnant with her 6th child but it didn't survive and they had to do an operation to take it out. A few weeks later my gran, just getting over the loss of her unborn baby, told my grandad and doctors that she thought she was still pregnant. They kept telling her that she wasn't and it was just her being upset over losing a baby. As they had just operated to take out the baby, they wouldn't look and just told her to mourn and accept the baby was gone.

Fast forward to a month later when her water breaks and they operate on her again to find that she had been expecting twins and no one knew so when the first one died they didn't realize there was another one hidden! Everyone, especially my grandad apologized for not believing her."

When The Impossible Happened

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He Had Special Powers

"I learned I was pregnant from a male coworker. He insisted that he could always tell that a woman was pregnant, even if she didn't know herself. He'd been right with both his wife's pregnancies, along with several coworkers in the past. We were eating lunch one day, I was chowing down on sushi when he looked at me and said, 'You know you're pregnant, right?' I laughed because my husband and I had been trying for a long time to get pregnant and I had just scheduled some fertility-related surgery. We went back and forth a few times about how I couldn't possibly be pregnant, I've taken more pregnancy tests than any woman in history including one the day before. He kept insisting that he had this power to always tell when women were pregnant, and finally I told him I'd take yet another test to prove him wrong.

My daughter is adorable.

He Had Special Powers
"Food" Baby

"Friend of mine started having terrible cramps one night and ended up going to see a doctor in the morning with a friend she was supposed to go out for breakfast with. Nurse checks her, makes her take a pregnancy test just in case (even if she'd never skipped a period). She was mortified when told she WAS pregnant. The nurse asked her what she wanted to do - she replied that she'd have to talk with her boyfriend. Nurse went to get a doctor because the cramps were still not normal.

He comes in, checks her briefly, looks nervous, leaves without a word. While my friend is freaking out a bit, he comes back with two paramedics - she's in labor. She gave birth to a beautiful, healthy boy later that day.

She had just come back from working 4 months in France, eating often in restaurants, so she didn't really worry about having put on a few pounds. But she turned her life to her son's so well, I'm amazed. I'm 5 years older than she is, and I would have been lost. Although she still parties, she's incredibly mature and is handling the whole thing extremely well, considering, you know, suddenly having a baby. And she regularly takes pregnancy tests now."

Kristina Bessolova/Shutterstock

She Needs A Sex Ed Refresher Course

"My grandmother worked for the medical clinic at her local army base during WWII, and she sometimes got to deliver the news that a woman (usually the wife of a soldier) was pregnant.

She told one young woman, who replied, 'But that's impossible! My husband has been overseas for more than a year!'

My grandmother assured her that she was definitely pregnant, and asked if she had had sexual relations with anyone else recently.

The woman replied, 'Well, yes! But...you can't get pregnant with nobody but your husband!'

The girl actually had no idea."

She Needs A Sex Ed Refresher Course

pathdoc/Shutterstock

The Doctor Really Thought She Might Have Killed Him, Given The Chance

"I heard this from an old client who was an obstetrician. He was telling me stories about when he used to deliver babies at people's' homes way back in the day.

He was telling me about his son and I asked if he delivered his own son. He said yes and told me the most amazing, heartbreaking, and heartwarming story.

In the late '40s, the town ambulance/hearse/taxi pulls up at his little independent practice out in the boonies of Illinois. A volunteer firefighter comes in and says they have a lady in labor and they won't make it to the hospital which is over an hour away. He tells them to bring her in. He delivers the baby and mom passes out. They clean her up. They clean up the baby. And all seems normal.

Mom wakes up and the doctor comes in to give her the baby. She starts screaming, 'Get it away from me!'

He's all confused and can't figure out what's going on. She keeps flailing around and screaming that she doesn't want to look at 'it.'

The doc takes the baby out and comes back. She's calmer but still looks frantic or terrified. He talks to her and she just stares at him like he's got nine heads. He finally asks, 'Well, what do you want me to do with your son?'

The mom stays silent for a long time and as he's getting up to leave, she quietly says, 'Can you get rid of him?'

The doc asks what she means. She says, 'You know. Maybe just make him go to sleep so he won't wake up.'

He said it took everything for him to not lose his temper right then and there. He went off on a tangent about how much he loved his work working with all the new mothers in all these little towns full of 'salt of the earth' people with great family values. On and on about how happy it made him bringing life into the world and this woman wanted him to murder her baby.

He asked why and she ends up saying that her husband is in the military and its not his baby. She couldn't let him find out. He kind of understood her rationale for not letting her husband know, but murder? So he suggested family, an orphanage, and other options back then. She said no to all of them because she 'couldn't risk this coming back to haunt her.'

He told her he'd see what he could do and he let her rest. The next day, he tried to talk to her again and she was just more adamant about 'making it sleep.' She said she wanted to hold her baby. He refused since he thought she'd try to kill him herself. She lost it.

In the end, he sent her home and told her that he'd given the baby to his brother who was a pastor and was unable to have children. He promised he'd never tell anyone (even the kid) who she was.

Then he said he 'taught her a lesson.' If she ever found herself pregnant again, she would come to him whether it was her husband's or not. If he ever found out she went elsewhere, he'd tell everyone the story. He said he did this because he was afraid she'd get knocked up and kill the next one. And he knew he'd find out if she went elsewhere because he was the only baby doctor for five towns around and knew other docs at the hospitals.

She never had any other kids (as far as the doc knew - and he said he did check up on her once or twice with his colleagues). Supposedly, she died from an overdose a few years later.

The doctor and his wife raised that baby as their own son (his wife wasn't able to have kids - the pastors' brother was made up just to make her think he'd already given the baby away). He eventually told his son a very watered down version of the story when the kid was older. The kid ended up becoming a plastic surgeon and has like 9 kids of his own. He's doing very well, he's very happy, and he probably never would have had a shot had that small-town fireman tried to press on to the hospital and wound up delivering the kid in the middle of nowhere. He was convinced she would have delivered and then smothered the baby by the time they got to the hospital."

The Doctor Really Thought She Might Have Killed Him, Given The Chance

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She Was Horrified

"A college friend of mine decided she was going to start working out to get her old figure back. She was doing really well at first but then stopped losing weight, then started gaining weight. She was really frustrated and confused - she used to have some digestion problems and thought maybe it was some sort of gastrointestinal issue. She would say things like, 'Feel my stomach, it's HARD.' My favorite was how she talked about the gas: 'No but you can FEEL it moving around! I've never had gas like this, it's crazy!'

Stomach pains were starting to be a problem until eventually, her dad took her to the emergency room to be looked at. When the doctor came back, all he says is, 'You're about five months pregnant and going into early labor.'

Of course, she bawled her eyes out and was horrified. She didn't give birth that night, she ended up carrying to term and had a really healthy boy and he's freaking adorable. But I remember the first thought in MY mind was, 'Geez, how many football parties have I been to with her over the last five months?' Not that she was getting wasted or anything, but she was definitely having a few each time.

But everything turned out great. She was engaged at the time so they took the wedding to the courthouse and all three are very happy, healthy people."

She Was Horrified
If Only Pregnancy Betting Was Real

"My wife was 3 days late on her period, I was the one to notice this, not her. So I purchased her a pregnancy test and she took it. I remember we were standing in the hallway of our first apartment together and she was watching the results on the test. I placed my hands on her shoulders, looked into her eyes, and told her, 'You are pregnant, it is twins, fraternal twins, a boy and a girl, and the girl will come out first.' She told me if I knocked her up with twins she would knock my head off.

By the time I finished speaking, a faint line appeared showing positive for pregnant.

A few weeks later she was feeling sick so we went to the ER, her pregnancy was confirmed and they did an ultrasound, the ultrasound tech told her, 'Eets Tweens!, look see, Tweens.' She did not understand him at first, I did, I thought about running, I didn't.

2 months later it was confirmed that they were fraternal.

2 months after that, it was confirmed that Baby A was a girl and Baby B was a boy.

They came 6 weeks early, it was a tough pregnancy that ended with an emergency C-Section. The doctor pulled my daughter out first and then my son.

I would be a rich man right now if pregnancy betting were a real thing."

If Only Pregnancy Betting Was Real

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She Made A Bet With The Doctor

"My mom nearly died while giving birth to her first child. The doctors were so worried about her health they told my parents that they wouldn't be able to have any more children for the foreseeable future.

Five years later, the doctors give them the go ahead to have another kid. Things didn't go perfectly with the second birth and she had to get her tubes tied.

A little more than 2 years pass and they are happy with their little family, but my mother is feeling ill again. It remains for a while (they thought it was a bad cold) but then she starts craving ice (she only craved ice while pregnant in the past). She grew in the belly region and wass pretty sure she is pregnant, but this is impossible because her tubes are tied. She goes to the doctor, the one who performed the surgery, and tells him` that she believes she is pregnant. He disagrees entirely. He just WILL NOT believe she is pregnant. He performs all sorts of tests trying to figure out what it is but my mother is insistent, she believes she is pregnant. So finally the doctor says, 'Fine, I'll give you a pregnancy test, but when it come back negative you have to pay for it, if it comes up positive I'll pay for it.' It comes back positive. The doctor walks in the room and mutters, 'Well, you're 7 months along.' My mother responded with a classy, 'I know.'

Apparently, when you get your tubes tied, every year after the first one adds a 1% chance of becoming pregnant. There was a 2% of me existing.

Years later, my father jokes that he has 'SUPER SPERM!' I die a little inside whenever he makes that joke."

She Made A Bet With The Doctor
When Target Blows Your Cover

"I'll reference one of the best ways I've heard of a parent finding out the daughter was preggo:

Target sends people coupons based on their purchases with their Target card. A father filed a complaint with his local store for coupons that were sent to his young daughter for prenatal vitamins, lotions, etc. It turned out she was pregnant, but she was hiding it from daddy. Target knew before he did, based on her purchases.

If I recall correctly, the dad withdrew the complaint, but it raised issues with personalized marketing."

When Target Blows Your Cover
No Apologies

"I went to the emergency room and as I was waiting for the nurse to come into my room there were other women in the rooms around me. They asked for a urine sample because they have to check for pregnancy prior to surgery. The nurse just walked in looked at me and said, 'Is this the pregnant one?' I sat there having a silent panic attack (I couldn't move or speak and my mind was screaming nonono) nurse looks at the chart again and goes 'wrong room' and leaves. No apologies."

No Apologies
A Misunderstanding Almost Cost Her Her Marriage

"After I found out I was pregnant, the doctor said to come back in to discuss my blood test results. He told me I was anemic and to eat more iron. I was anticipating more bad news when he said what I thought was, 'You have syphilis.' I started bawling and wondering out loud if my husband was cheating on me. He looked at me irritated and said, 'You don't have to pick it, eat it from a can.' What my doctor had actually said was, 'Eat more asparagus.' I was so embarrassed, but when I explained to him what I thought he said, he laughed so hard, he had to leave the room."

A Misunderstanding Almost Cost Her Her Marriage

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"When She Explained Why She Couldn't Be Pregnant, I Facepalmed"

"I went with my friend once to the ER because she was 'having issues.' I offered to step out of the room when the doctor came back in, but was told to sit tight. Okay, fine, whatever.

Doctor tells her she is pregnant (after she denies even having sex, ever).

She says, 'That's impossible! My boyfriend and I only did it once and he pulled out!' Doctor had to explain to her how that's not safe, at all, while I sat in the chair with my face in my palms.

She went through the pregnancy but placed the baby up for adoption. As far as I know, it was a closed adoption. Don't think she even knows the baby's name. But she wanted it that way. Didn't want kids, still doesn't, but couldn't bring herself to have an abortion."

ESB Professional/Shutterstock

"I Delivered Last Month..."

"Had a young lady come in for elective knee surgery. She's a little overweight, and nurse thinks she's pregnant. She says she delivered last month. I get a pregnancy test and she's positive.
I ask for her records from where she gave birth. They have never heard of her. I call an OB to examine her. She 3 months along by ultrasound.
After more digging, she knew she was pregnant all along.
Turns out she thought the anesthesia would make her lose the baby and she'd get a two for one special."

Konstantin Tronin/Shutterstock

Mom Took The News Harder Than The Daughter

"A mother and her teenage daughter came to the ER once, the mother was very upset because her daughter had been complaining of 'stomach cramps' for about two weeks and refused to take any meds. After reviewing the patient and not finding any conclusive evidence as to what was causing the pain, the daughter finally gave in and suggested she might be pregnant. The mother went crazy, fainted, had to be admitted and treated for hypoglycemia."

Mom Took The News Harder Than The Daughter

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