Precious advice.

Said it before, I'll say it again.

If you back up the toilet at work or someone's house with no plunger available, look for liquid hand soap. Dump some in the toilet and wait about five minutes and flush again. The soap lubricates the nasties so they'll flush away.

If it's still clogged, find a way to dump hot water in the toilet, as it can have the same effect. Use the trash can or something.

If it's still clogged, kick the door open and run like hell. Find a new job or new friends. You just left their toilet full of hot soapy poop soup, you jerk.

Precious advice.
Shave 'er up.

Shave your balls. Girls are fascinated by them. Every girl I've been with has been in awe of balls, how they move on their own, how gross they look.

Shave 'er up.
Take notes.

The morning after a night of drinking beer and eating buffalo wings - you know what will be coming out of you...brown lava.

To avoid:

(1) Having to use half a roll of toilet paper and

(2) The capsaicin burning your b-hole- give your crack a little smear of vaseline before taking a crap. It forms a protective coating.

One wipe. Done.

Take notes.
Please don't just stare.

Don't just stare at her if you like her. If you are not feeling courageous enough to talk to her today, gently smile as in greeting if your eyes meet.

Please don't just stare.
Nightclubs are a no-no.

If you are smart and under 5'10'' and enjoy having intelligent conversations, then nightclubs are probably the worst place to go to pick up women since they accentuate your weakness and hide your strengths.

Nightclubs are a no-no.
Everyman advice.

Buy high quality tools, and you'll only have to buy them once.

Learn how to do brake jobs and you'll save yourself a shit-load of money over the course of your life.

Have a small allotment of your check automatically go to a savings account you can't touch (easily) and forget about it until an emergency comes up.

Don't make long term decisions based on short term problems.

Call your mom and dad every week.

Don't try to shave your balls with an electric razor.

Don't ignore severe back pain, it almost never makes it better.

Everyman advice.
Trim that up!

Trimming your armpit hair reduces the smell by a lot, without the discomfort of shaving. Same goes for the balls.

Trim that up!
Hit the legs, man.

Make sure you hit legs. Girls go crazy over men's butts and it's never steered me wrong. It's always a nice feeling when a girl grabs your butt and is like "that is so nice".

Hit the legs, man.
Is this science proven?

I'll take a shower, put on a clean undershirt, then go for a run. When I get home, I'll take the undershirt and put it on a hanger to dry it out. When I go out that night I'll put the undershirt back on. The pheromones I deposited earlier seem to work on those ladies that are attracted to my specific brand of pheromones.

Is this science proven?
Very important advice.

Stay fit. It is much easier to stay fit than to ever get it back.

Very important advice.
Against the grain.

Tips for a close shave/decent looking stubble.

If you want a close shave you can't beat a new razor but make sure you go with the grain first then against. This will help to avoid irritation and redness it will be close as hell.

Stubble is different for every person. My mate used to grow a beard in a day where as I'm about 2-3 days after a clean shave to have proper long hairs. Take note of how long it takes to get the length you want and set that shit up for your next event to look like non vampire stubble outlined Dracula.

Against the grain.
Have a firm handshake.

It's awful... Few months ago I had the limpest handshake ever with a woman, it confused me, I was going for my normal firm handshake and she just puts her hand in my hand. I had a brain freeze for a moment, do I limp my hand too? Or do I grasp it, am I going to break her hand? I couldn't believe it afterwards, she makes millions every year, she has at least one big meeting every week, how is this even possible?!

Have a firm handshake.
Never. Ever. EVER.

It is never, ever acceptable to send women pictures of your penis without being explicitly asked.

Never. Ever. EVER.
It's the little things.

Buy real, quality leather shoes. Nothing better to avoid sweaty feet. Learn how to make them shine. Do so.

Buy quality alcohol - no headaches in the morning.

Always have a couple presents for your SO ready - buy them whenever you find them, stash them somewhere. Then, you don't need to run around pressed for time when the next birthday/anniversary/etc comes up.

Flowers and plants. Gift some, have some at home - they improve the look and the air quality in your living spaces.

Buy a dishwasher.

Learn how to sew a button. It's not hard.

Learn how to cook with fresh vegetables. It's not hard. Do so.

It's the little things.
Father Time's got this one.

If you spill water on the floor, find something else to do, time will clean it up.

Father Time's got this one.
Basic tips.

After you get the spare tire on, there's still a chance that your spare is flat or close to flat as well, since it's been sitting in your trunk for a long time. However, the mechanic you take your dead tire to can fill it up for free if you just ask.

Chopped vegetables, some bourbon, a sprinkle of Mrs. Dash, and diced chicken in a pan with rice boiling in a pot is the cheat code for cooking. It really is very simple.

Keep a small trashcan in your bathroom for ladies you have over.

Do you tend to get sweaty on your morning commute via public transportation or walking? Don't put on your tie until you get to your office building. Do it in a restroom and use the chance to run a comb through your hair. Your shirt collar will stay cleaner, too.

A rag or handkerchief in your bag or pocket can be used to wipe away sweat during your commute on a hot day, so that you don't arrive at work unkempt.

You never know when you'll need a change of clothes at the office. It's wise to keep a spare shirt, belt, and/or shoes in your desk.

Basic tips.
Toilet rules.

Public restroom TP rule: Always wipe the seat first.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but it really serves three incredible purposes in one and everyone should practice it to increase their public pooping comfort.

When you go to grab paper for the initial wipe, you find out how much there is before you go to dumping.

Wiping the seat obviously clears it of piss and pubes.

When you throw the seat-wiping TP into the bowl, it creates a safe poop LZ, reducing splash back.

Toilet rules.
Valuable knowledge.

If you tense up your legs as hard as you can, you'll lose any boner you may have in under 30 seconds. Stop thinking about grandma you freaks.

Valuable knowledge.
Are you a doctor?

When you're done peeing instead of shaking roll underneath your balls with your finger. It'll push the rest out.

Are you a doctor?
You must be covert.

The Texas Tuck has saved my life on more occasions than I remember.

Remember, kids, when you get an erection in public, fold your penis upward into your waistband. Problem solved. The hard part is doing it without being seen, though.

You must be covert.
This is very, very important.

Cologne doesn't replace showering.

This is very, very important.
Save yourself.

Throw a loosely folded patch of TP in the toilet water before bomb release to reduce splash damage.

Save yourself.
Very valuable indeed.

Learning to cook amazing food for your girlfriend or yourself is a valuable skill.

Very valuable indeed.
Not worth the risk.

Never trust a fart in public or in the company of a pretty lady. Not even once.

Not worth the risk.
Use protection!

Condoms are far cheaper than child support.

Use protection!
No more neck wounds!

Swallow and hold to make shaving around your Adam's Apple a breeze.

No more neck wounds!
It HURTS.

Never fap with hand sanitizer.

It HURTS.
It burns. It burns.

NEVER use aftershave. You know exactly what I mean. Don't do it

It burns. It burns.
Kitty litter, the ultimate cleaner.

Keep kitty litter in your garage for spills. When I change my oil I always tend to spill some but as soon as I do get a cup and cover the entire spill and let sit. Eventually it'll soak up everything. Works on other fluids too.

Kitty litter, the ultimate cleaner.
The Sock Trick.

Always wear at least one sock to bed so that if you get up to piss in the night, you can use your foot to wipe any dribble on the seat.

The Sock Trick.

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