"Gripping his gremlin"

I worked at a hotel when I was 18.

The worst part would be the ridiculous amount of guests that would look up porn on the lobby computer. The lobby was probably about 30 ft x 100 ft. Most guests didn't turn the volume off, and I actually saw one guy gripping his gremlin shamelessly one night.

Don't get scammed.

This one is more embarrassing than anything--family and I arrive in Hanoi (Vietnam) and grab a taxi from the airport. We already have a hotel picked out, and tell the taxi driver to take us there. We pull up out front, and we see a guy come from what we thought was the hotel to tell us that they're fully booked, but they have a sister hotel right around the corner. We say whatever, it's late, take us, and end up staying in a crappy hotel (bad plumbing, dimly lit, smelled weird) for a couple days before we wise up and realize that we'd been scammed. We went back to stay at the first hotel, which was very nice, and gorged ourselves on baguettes the whole time. Damn I miss those baguettes.

Don't get scammed.
This is layers of messed up.

I was backpacking through Australia, staying in the most budget hostels around. After sharing a room with 23 other people for a week, I decided to splurge on a motel. I really just wanted my own room for one night. The thought of a carefree fap, without having to be covert, was highly enticing.

After falling asleep in a blissful, post-masturbatory haze, I was woken up at 3 in the morning by someone banging on my door. I opened it to find an extremely drunk British chick. She pushed past me, walked into the room, crouched down, and took a piss right in the middle of the floor. Then she passed out in the now-formed small puddle of her own urine. That was a weird night.

This is layers of messed up.
No, thank you!

Asked the dude for extra pillow, started telling me hooker rates.

No, thank you!
Not the best review.

Driving cross-country from Wisconsin to Florida. Three o'clock in the morning, we've been on the road for hours, and neither of us can keep our eyes open anymore. We agree we have to stop at the next hotel, motel, Holiday Inn...anything.

Shortly we come upon an exit with a hotel. It's easy to tell this, because its name is just "Hotel".

We go in, and it looks pretty shady, but it's late and we're exhausted, so we get a room from the nice fellow behind the desk. We only need a few hours sleep, so we request a wakeup call.

Opening the door to our room, we see that it's definitely shady, as everything in the room has been bolted and/or chained to the walls or floor.

At least, everything had been, because it's all gone now. The television, the mirror, the fridge, the end tables, the phone...they've all been stolen, and judging by the conditions left behind, usually a good amount of force was employed.

We pile our bags between the two beds and both sleep with knives under our pillows.

As I drift off to sleep, my exhaustion-fogged brain catches onto an important detail I had missed earlier...how are they going to leave a wakeup call when we don't have a phone?

7:00 a.m. - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK "HELLO IN THERE! IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO BEING AWAKE NOW! HELLO! YOU MUST BE GETTING WITH THE WAKING UP!"

Not the best review.
Let 'em know!

Cockroaches in a 4 star. Ended up catching a few with a glass and a piece of paper, headed down the elevator with the glass (Peoples faces were quality) then leaving the glass upside down on the reception for everyone to see. I now realize this was probably what a top class bell-end would do, but you can understand my anger.

Let 'em know!
You can't make this stuff up.

Planned a trip once and looked into motels/hotels about 30 minutes outside the city. I can't remember the name of the hotel because it wasn't a national chain, plus it was 7 years ago (and I think my mind's done its best to shut out the experience as best it can).

Anyway, the pictures on the website all looked nice. Rooms looked good for what I needed and with a free breakfast, what could go wrong? It was $100 a night, seemed reasonable.

So I get there, and in the large hotel parking lot, there are only about 2-3 cars outside.

I go in, and it takes roughly 15 minutes for someone to meet me at the front desk. I check in, and start off to my room. The elevator door opens and boom, dark hall way, no lights.

It was being renovated or something, and you had to walk through the renovation to get to your room.

I get to my room, and it's roughly about half the size I thought it was. I go to the bathroom because I want to shower after a long roadtrip. I turn on the water and the cold water doesn't work. I turn on the hot water, and it never gets hot, it just stays cold.

At this point I'm getting really frustrated cause I'm paying $100 for this experience. I'm so tired that I say screw it and try to take a nap. I go to sit on the bed and something moves. I don't know what it is at this point, but I know I saw something small move.

I lift the pillow and...........spider nest. WTF

I immediately pack my stuff back up and again walk through the renovation to the elevator. I press the lobby button, the doors shut, and......you guessed it, elevator gets stuck. Now I'm trapped, and after about 3 minutes in there, the lights also go out.

I pull my cellphone out and try calling the main desk. It takes 4 calls before they pick up. They say they'll send someone. After 2 hours, finally someone gets the elevator working and I'm let out.

After I get to the front desk and get my refund, I storm out of the place and toward my car. On the way, I trip on one of those long concrete barriers at the front of parking spots, and promptly break my wrist.

You can't make this stuff up.
WHAT?!

Stayed at a hotel a few years back in Acapulco. I love this hotel. Cheap, clean, comfortable. Staff is friendly, and service is really good. Has a great view of the ocean, and a really laid back pool area. So what went wrong? I will let USA Today do the talking...

"It was a shootout straight from Hollywood in the former playground of its biggest stars: Outlaws holed up in a hillside mansion fought heavily armed Mexican soldiers with a rain of gunfire and grenades that had tourists cowering in hotels nearby. Roughly 3,000 shots and 50 explosions marked the four-hour battle late Saturday that left 16 gunmen and two soldiers dead. Nine other people were wounded, including three bystanders."

So that was probably my worst experience. Ranks up there with another hotel I stayed at that had a rather unappreciated "amenity". Tarantulas.

WHAT?!
Is this 'The Godfather'?

A severed horse head was sent to our room, and we got trapped in an elevator, in the same hostel.

It was a very cheap place in Athens. I was bunking in a dorm for a few nights with some friends.

One morning we woke up to a fairly freshly severed horse head, wrapped up in a bag, and placed at our door. We still have no idea who put it there, or why, or if it was even meant for us.

Having seen the usual mafia movies, we were pretty terrified of this ominous offering.

The memory of the sight of it still sickens me.

Also, on the first day, my friend and I warily hopped in the rusty old lift, and it broke halfway down. We were stuck in this filthy box for a while until someone managed to get it moving enough for us to crawl out. We took the stairs after that.

Both interesting hotel experiences that just happened to occur in the same hotel, and that have never happened to me again!

Is this 'The Godfather'?
At what cost?

Maybe not the most interesting, but definitely the nicest. I met my ex girlfriend who was working in the hotel.

I was in Mumbai for some work with the stock exchanges and was staying in a plush hotel on Santacruz East. I reached late at night, probably around 12 or 1 am after an evening of revelry with old college friends and was yet to check in.

I walked up to the pretty girl at the reception with a printout of my booking document and identification. I was extremely hungry. After she handed me my room card I asked her if there was any food available. Sadly the restaurant was closed for the night (surprising for such an expensive hotel).

I went up to my room and crashed on the bed, mentally preparing myself to sleep on an empty stomach. Some 15 minutes odd later there was a knock on the door; curious, I opened; the pretty girl from the reception was standing outside holding a tray of food. Her shift was over and that she had sandwiches and soup for dinner which she wanted to share with me because I was hungry. That, my fellow Quorans, is one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me.

I gladly invited her inside and shamelessly gobbled up most of her sandwiches. We had a few drinks from the minibar and had a really nice time talking about each others work-sphere. We hit it off and dated for a few months. Sadly, we had to part ways because she was so busy with her job and I had just started Minance. I have some of the fondest memories with her.

P.S. Do not have drinks from the minibar. They will cost you more than your net worth

At what cost?
This is sweet.

I've had many, but this one just makes me chuckle!

Backstory: I live in the US, very close to the Canadian border. In the states you have to be 21 y/o to drink, but in Canada you just have to be 19, so everyone here hits 19 and runs up to Canada to have their first legal drink. I was PUMPED to go drink in Canada, so I took it upon myself to memorize the Canadian national anthem.

At the end of the night- I'd been drinking quite heavily with my boyfriend. We were sitting in front of our hotel sharing a cigarette, and I randomly start singing the national anthem of Canada- VERY loudly. Complete with slurring.

Suddenly, this random woman comes up and starts singing with me! An impromptu duet! I'm absolutely loving this, and having a blast singing with her. As we're singing our hearts out, a couple walks by. They pause to hear us singing and THEY JOIN IN TOO! So random and wonderful and goofy!!

So now I'm in this chorus with 3 random strangers, singing the song, and we're building up towards the end. (It's about 2 am, I should note. And we're directly in front of the lobby of our hotel).

On the last, climactic line ("Oh Canada we stand on guard for thee!"), a hotel worker pops out of NOWHERE, and joins us for the ending!! So now there are FIVE random strangers finishing up the national anthem, and then we all clap for ourselves. (The strangers immediately dispersed, never to be seen again....)

What a night.

This is sweet.
Whoosh!

One summer during college I worked at the front desk of a well known chain hotel. An older gentleman had checked in and gone up to his room and returned a few minutes later to switch rooms. Note that he was not the only guest standing at the desk at the time. I asked if anything had been wrong with his first room and he said something like this:

"Well my room is on the ground floor facing towards the inside of the hotel. I like to walk around naked with blinds open and my clothes off so I'll need a different room."

I searched his face for a moment hoping for a sign that he was joking. I found none so I remained professional. I moved him to the top floor facing out where I knew nobody would see him save for a few unfortunate people looking the wrong way on the highway.

I called the next guest up to check him in. He stared for a moment, shook his head, and walked up the the desk, clearly disturbed.

"Sorry I had visions of sugarplums dancing in my head," he said.

We both burst out laughing.

Whoosh!
Let it rain!

I was staying at a B&B in the west of Ireland with my girlfriend.

In the middle of the night I was woken by her screaming and running around the room.

She was so freaked that she was babbling incoherently, and I was frantically searching for the kind of threat that could have brought forth this kind of response from her.

It turned out that neither of us had remembered to close the skylight in the room, and, in typical Irish fashion, it had started lashing rain in the middle of the night. But only on her side of the bed.

Let it rain!
Who you gonna call?

I woke up to find a man standing at the bottom of my friends bed, staring down at her.

And then he vanished. Literally disappeared. Gone.

Then I heard a female voice laughing right in my ear, and she said "Ah, I see you've met Edgar!" Like this was a normal everyday occurance.

I just about had a heart attack. Didn't move a muscle all night, wide awake.

I still had three more nights left in the hotel.

Long story short, I now believe in ghosts.

Who you gonna call?
Creepily persistent.

My hubby and l live in So California and went to Mexico (by Enceneda) all the time (we even got engaged there). Our frequent trips worried our familes, but we always felt safe.

One night at a hotel we frequented, l was fast asleep. I woke and felt my husband's hand on my back...it was just a different way he did it. I got up, saw a guy in the room (who snuck through the window of 2nd story-terrances between floors), and since l did not have my glasses on, l screamed bloody murder - so much for the element of surprise my husband was going for. He told the guy to leave immediately and we could tell he was really drunk. We went to the bathroom, locked it and waited. Husband went out and the was the guy was gone.

We locked the door and went down to tell security what happened (no phone in rooms). We walked back to the room and the guy had climbed through the window again and was sitting in our room. We told him to just have the room and got on the road at 4am to cross back over the border to get home.

Creepily persistent.
Too simple...

I stopped a flood in a hotel hallway.

I was staying in a hotel a few years ago, when the fire alarm went off. I waited a while, because the hotel was under renovation, so I suspected that there wasn't a fire. After the fire alarm kept going for a while, I went out into the hallway and saw there was a pipe above the ceiling at the end of the corridor from which water was gushing out. The corridor had about an inch of water standing in the corridor. Being the architect that I am, I was wondering if the contractor had hit a water line or a fire sprinkler line. The laborers were scrambling, but it was like the Keystone Cops. They didn't know what to do. They only knew they were in big trouble. I walked over to where the water was pouring through the ceiling and looked up to figure out what was going on. I saw a valve just beyond where the water was coming out.

I spoke to one of the laborers, and said "Do you think if you turned that valve, that the water might shut off?" He scrambled to find a ladder, and brought it over, and turned the valve, and sure enough, the water stopped.

Later that evening when I was in the dining room, I saw the laborers pointing at me, and I overheard them say, "Yep, that's her." They probably wondered how I knew that they should turn off that valve. Of course, it was just a logical guess on my part that happened to work.

Too simple...
Turned out well!

In Santiago, Chile, one of the bell boys at my hotel learnt that I'm traveling to South America for the first time and didn't speak any Spanish.

Being polite, he asked me out for dinner and offered to show me around, which I accepted. I was thinking it will be nice to spend some time with a local, getting to know the place better. Though I was also a bit apprehensive going out with someone I didn't know, by myself. But I decided to go anyway as it was supposed to be at a public place.

When I landed at the appointed restaurant, I found out that he had also invited his sister and his mother to come along so that I get to experience a real Chilean family dinner. We had a great time getting to know each other's cultures!

Turned out well!
That's quite the accident.

A prostitute was sent to my room by mistake at a hotel in Kisumu, Kenya.

I was in Kisumu to visit a rural primary school part of a fundraising organization at my high school, and the volunteer group was staying at a fairly empty local hotel.

My fellow volunteers and I were sitting in my hotel room when the hotel phone rang, I picked up the phone.

Me: "Hello?"

Receptionist, in thick African accent: "This is the reception, your sister is here."

Me: "...say what now?"

Receptionist: "Your sister is here."

This was impossible. My sister could not be in Kenya. She was thousands of miles away in Norway. There was no way she could have followed me to Kenya. Why would she even do that? Made no sense.

Receptionist: "Sir, are you there? Your sister is here."

Me: "...um, okay..."

Receptionist: "I'm sending her up to your room now."

I hang up the phone, turn to my group, and explain this odd conversation. I tell them that apparently my sister is on her way to my room right now.

We all got curious and exciting about who this person would be. Was it a prank?

Then there is a knock on the room door, and I go to open it with my group following closely behind. I open the door and I see an African woman in, perhaps her late 20s, dressed in a very revealing dress, wearing heavy makeup and smiling at me.

She is looking at me and my group, I look at her and I begin to smile. I'm starting to realize the situation, and I'm trying really hard to compose myself.

Me: "Hi, sister."

The woman, her smile is quickly fading at this point: "....Mr. Richards?"

Me: "Nah, I'm sorry, wrong room miss."

Very embarrassed, the woman quickly scurry away, and me and the group burst out in laughter.

That's how I got an African prostitute accidentally sent to my hotel room.

That's quite the accident.
Suddenly, shrooms.

I used to work part-time as a front desk staff at a 3-star hotel in the Wisconsin Dells area. We get quite the variety of tourists from all over the US and internationally at times. With that comes a wide variety of interesting questions and complaints.

One weekend I had just checked-in a younger couple relatively late at night after they'd already been out to the bars. The lobby was quite full and the hotel was booked (we sold out every weekend in the Spring and Summer). Within a few minutes they were back in line - my line. They told me they need a new room because there are mushrooms growing in their room.

My first thought was "that's an odd thing to make up", unless of course they brought some of their special mushrooms back to the hotel with them. Anyways, with a busy lobby, I basically told them to take a seat and we'd come down and take a look at their mushroom problem once we helped the others in line. They had no interest in waiting or going back into that room so I apologized to those waiting and asked them to get in the only other line since only two of us were on shift.

I walked down to their room and didn't see anything when we entered, but once they moved the chair I saw what they were talking about... mushrooms. They were growing behind a chair that no one probably ever looks behind. There were 4 or 5 of them growing right up from the carpet. I wish I had the picture to share because I was shocked when I saw them. Anyways, they got a free room for the weekend but I remember having to downgrade them to a standard room since that was or last suite.

Suddenly, shrooms.
No blinds?

Myself and my wife recently went to a fancy hotel on the beach for her birthday. We got drunk, watched the psychic channel for half an hour, next thing you know, going at it on the couch. In our drunkeness, we failed to realise the giant glass walls in the apartment and the adjacent two hotels. There were children. And mothers. And other couples. All watching. Needless to say, the hotel manager was called and after having some stern words with us, I don't think we're allowed back. Not exactly WORST, per se, but definitely coolest.

No blinds?
This is terrifying.

Family vacation across Canada. We were on a budget and stayed in a lot of motels. Arrived at one (I believe it was in Manitoba) in the early morning and we were all so tired we pretty much walked right in the room and fell asleep on the beds.

Woke up the next morning to find we were sleeping on sheets that had dried blood splotches all over them. This was on both beds.

This is terrifying.
A bug's life.

I distinctly remember being around 7-8 and visiting a really beautiful part of Northern Australia with my family, I think somewhere near Kakadu National Park.

Me, my parents, and two siblings were staying in a little cabin, it looked pretty standard, whatever.

As we were initially walking up to the cabin, after picking up the keys and stuff, this little boy around my age walks past me and said to his mum 'They're staying in the one with the bugs'. I remember thinking he was a weirdo, little did I know..

Fast forward a few hours, the sun is gone (it gets particularly dark in the outback), so we switch on the lights in the cabin and hang out. After about 5 minutes of having the lights on, our ENTIRE CABIN is full of bugs! They were EVERYWHERE! they weren't even those annoying little fly-type bugs that hang around lights, they were like every kind of bug I've ever seen/heard of, and massive ones too.

They were on our food, in our hair, in our bags, in the shower, all over the floor and in our beds.

We spent the whole night trying to swat them away, spraying them with mozzie repellant, and being just generally grossed out and miserable. The next morning there were no bugs anywhere, not even little bug corpses from us killing them. Needless to say, we switched cabins the next night, and had a much better time.

A bug's life.
A true nightmare.

We needed a place to stay just one night after attending a concert an hour or so away from home. It only needed to be a simple place to stay, but I found a cheap little place with a spa in the room and though it would be fun to use the opportunity for a bit of romantic night away. We arrived before the gig and found the place painted a cheesy shade of pink, and the layout of the room was like a shady drive in motel, stained carpet and plastic furniture. The toilet broke two seconds after arriving and we had to call maintenance to fix it. We left for the gig, laughing at what a dodgy place we'd found ourselves in.

Later in the night we arrived back at the hotel a little drunk, and ready for some fun in the spa. As soon as we entered the bathroom we were hit with the unmistakable sound of loud, obnoxious sex thumping through the walls. It pounded through the room and we giggled at the raunchiness of it, and when it stopped suddenly we panicked a little that they'd heard us. But we just heard chatting coming from the room next door; smoke break. Five seconds later, moaning and screaming. Suddenly, regular conversation. These guys were going from all out, crazy monkey sex to polite conversation in seconds. Eventually we realised; it was porn. They were making porn. This ebb and flow of screaming and orgasms and chit chat continued for HOURS, constantly, until they finally packed up all their equipment in a van at about 4am and went home, after 7 hours of 'hard' work.

A true nightmare.
Attack of the ants.

Undoubtedly the mini-fridge incident.

My family had gone to Florida for vacation and were staying in a cheap but relatively nice hotel. After the first three days we noticed they had a minifridge in the room, so naturally my brother looks inside. Some sick bastard before us had opened two of the soda cans in the fridge and half drank both of them, which placed back in the fridge upside down. After a few days, what seemed like the hotel's entire ant population had swarmed inside the fridge through god knows where. When my brother opened it, so many came pouring out that it may have looked like a minis-cule interpretation of the Killer Ant scene from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. The fridge was promptly shut, and after my brother's quick shower, we decided we didn't want to stay in the hotel after that night.

Attack of the ants.
That place probably closed.

After driving for 10 hours, my husband and I stopped for the night at a Days Inn in South Carolina (dump called "South of the Border"). The hotel door wouldn't close unless you slammed it with all of your strength. The water coming out of the faucets was brown. The towels and washcloths were frayed and had blood stains on them. We went to bed anyway because we were exhausted and just needed to sleep, but we started itching like crazy in the bed. Bugs. We tried to report it to the front desk, but they didn't care, so we gathered our things and left in the middle of the night.

I tried contacting the management and the head office, but they just e-mailed us back and told us, basically, that it was our loss and not to expect any compensation or even an apology.

That place probably closed.
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