Gotta fit the part I guess.

Apart from the kid who insisted on being called Frisk (Undertale, I guess, but the craze had died down so it was just weird), there was one girl who wore a cat ear headband. Kinda cute, since they were the metal silhouette type that kids wear, but she paired it with a cat tail. A big, black-and-white, furry cat tail.

Gotta fit the part I guess.
Pika!

One of the kids responded to questions like Pikachu. Shame that a good kid is going to look back on those days with absolute horror.

Pika!
Strange logic.

There was always this kid that would go up to guys, shake their hands and deeply sniff their necks.

One day a teacher asked why he did this to guys and all he said was, "if I did it to girls it would be weird"

Strange logic.
Show 'em off.

One kid wore clothes to school with the price tags sticking out. When asked why, I was informed that this was to let everyone know he was wearing new clothes.

Show 'em off.
This one gets out of hand.

One student wanted to ask me if I had a doppelgänger. What he actually said was, "Do you have a dingleberry?"

I also had a girl ask me what "food stamps" were, which isn't surprising because the district is very affluent. I explained, but she still seemed confused, so she asked what it means to "give favors to a trucker for food stamps." Evidently she was reading a book meant for a more mature audience, and her worldly knowledge hadn't caught up to her reading level yet!

This one gets out of hand.
Classic way to impress people.

My mom is a middle school English teacher. Once, a student snuck a bar of soap into her class, ate it, and proceeded to run out of the classroom and start vomiting. Apparently, he did it to impress his friends.

Classic way to impress people.
Odd way of doing things.

I had a student who would constantly butt into people's conversations, and when they asked him to mind his own business he'd stand up and proclaim "Nobody likes me! Everyone thinks I'm so annoying!" and he'd laugh while everyone awkwardly stared at him.

Another kid literally told me one time that he would just act annoying so that he could impress a certain group of boys. They were not impressed.

Odd way of doing things.
If you had one shot...

We had a student who started going to each class he passed, leaning in the door and yelling "mom's spaghetti" and moving on.

If you had one shot...
That's what you get.

I teach history and let my students do a PowerPoint presentation on the history on anything.

Some kid did the history of Furries. He came to class wearing his fur suit.

I teach high school now.

That's what you get.
Start small, get bigger.

I had a 6th grader lick a book. He definitely tried to keep it on the down low, so he looked around, made sure no one was looking in his direction, and then licked the book. It was a tongue-poke, then a full out lick up the spine of the book.

Start small, get bigger.
Never again.

When I was in school those track pants with snaps down the side were popular. The boys would try to yank the pants off each other during class changes, and they all wore basketball shorts underneath.

One day some guy thought it would be funny to rip off a girl's track pants, however she didn't have shorts on. Bright purple undies on show and the look of terror on that boy's face was hilarious.

She just ran off and a friend followed with her pants.

Never again.
Close, but not quite!

In 6th grade science class, our teacher asked if anyone knew what the arms of an octopus were called and this kid immediately raised his hand and blurted out "testicles!!" Everyone was laughing including the teacher (who also snorted). His face was so red.

Close, but not quite!
Classic kid.

Kids pick their nose and usually eat what they pick while I'm teaching. I think they forget that I can see them while I'm at the front of the class talking.

Classic kid.
Keep it specific.

This teacher had been teaching for 30+ years. She was telling us that if we were ever bored we should read through the school's rule book, because there were some wild rules listed that had to be written because kids do some wildly moronic things. She then proceeded to tell us about the one she had a hand in making. She left her classroom and came back to a kid taking a huge dump on his desk because he got upset. Apparently back then they couldn't do anything but detention because it wasn't written down as a school rule, and the kids parents fought to keep the kid in because it was a pretty good school.

The rule that resulted from this ordeal, as I remember it, read: "students are not allowed to urinate or defecate on any property of the school. This includes, but is not limited to, desks."

Keep it specific.
Leave Megan Fox alone!

I caught the student on Google search attempting to look me up. He spelled my name wrong and my name is very common so I wasn't worried. I sent him home since it was an after school homework club and then went through the rest of the history which included "boobs" "naked women" and "Megan Fox nudes". One of the other students in the class kind of picked up on what was happening and mentioned that he has also been kicked out of the public library for similar reasons.

Leave Megan Fox alone!
Nope. Not that.

I was demonstrating convection, which included burning some newspaper. One kid piped up with "hmm, that smells like incest". He meant incense. They were too young to get it, but I nearly died trying not to laugh.

Nope. Not that.
Cookies! It's cookies!

After ten years of middle school, I should had a novel's worth. However, so many years of middle school decimates your brain and middle schoolers are generally cringy most of the time. The kid who wrote "Miss loves cockies" on the board when he sincerely meant to write cookies definitely ranks high up there, though. We all cringed that day.

Cookies! It's cookies!
Good technique I'd say.

Around the eighth grade dance season (they call it prom), there is a whole lot of cringiness roaming the halls. One popular tactic among the boys was explained to me,

"We ask the girl to prom, and then we run away so she can't say no."

Good technique I'd say.
Quite the presentation.

When I was in 6th grade science class, one of my classmates had to do an oral presentation in which she needed to say the word "organism" frequently. She said "orgasm" every single time. The few students who caught on were melting in their chairs with bright red faces, and the teacher was trying so hard to hold back his laughter that tears were streaming down his face.

Quite the presentation.
Failure of a protest.

Just finished my first year of teaching middle school. I had one particular student who did not view me as an authority and refused to work in my class. This was especially concerning because this student was placed in an advanced class, and chose to not learn purely because of who the teacher was. This also meant that the student's classmates were well behaved, gifted students.

One day, while the whole class was completing an assignment, this student was not working. When I addressed the issue, the student threw a fit and started crawling around on the floor, underneath the other student's desks. Now I don't know when you've last been in a middle school classroom, but the floor is absolutely filthy. This student thoroughly embarrassed themselves, as was evident by the looks received from the other students. The whole situation was extremely awkward for everyone, especially when the student realized that they would get no support from the other students.

Failure of a protest.
Sounds like a horror movie.

I was a substitute teacher for a few years on my university breaks, but last January was the worst middle school day I've ever had.

8th grade science class. I ask the kids to open their textbooks and work on the assignment. A girl shyly raises her hand and says "Miss, there's something inappropriate in my book." Of course, some kid drew a penis. I calmly tell her to erase it and move on. Three more kids say the same thing. I say "If you have something inappropriate in your book, please just erase it."

Every kid starts whining about how there's penises in their books. Since they won't shut up about it, I take the offending books and replace them with different books from the back of the room. Every. Single. Book. Had a huge penis drawn in it. All 90-something of them. You name it, it was there.

The kids rioted. I almost quit.

Sounds like a horror movie.
Partially true.

-Sweetest most innocent girl asked me what a g-spot is. I'm a guy. I said I didn't know. That's partially true.

-Walked in on a bunch of kids vaping in the bathroom while talking about how crappy of a teacher their English teacher was. I had fun with that one.

-One of the students had to give a presentation on an interest of theirs (part of an essay) and she went on a long tangent about fencing and all the (I think) more well-liked children laughed at her. She left the room in tears and I felt so so bad I just wanted to kill those kids.

-And perhaps the best was when this emotionally disturbed kid (this was actually when I taught 5th) got pissed about something quite trivial and threw his desk in a show of strength then ran out of the school and was asked to leave the following day.

Partially true.
Special kind of evil.

One of my mother's students took a whole pizza in the box out of her office and just started eating. When told to stop and put it back he licked the rest of the pizza and asked if he could have it. She said no and told him to throw it away. He started arguing that it was better in his stomach than in the trash. My mom was furious.

Special kind of evil.
0/10 Acting skills.

A girl got written up for screaming at another girl in the middle of a science lesson. Then got upset when that other girl didn't also get in trouble for looking at her wrong.

In the deans office she was so "upset" that she pretended to faint (complete with back of the palm to the forehead and dramatic exhale) and then laid on the floor until we were forced to call an ambulance. Before the ambulance came, mom walked in (she worked right across the street) and said: "Dammit Jennifer! We're not doing this again!" So evidently this was a regular happening around their house.

At this point, the girl squinted her eyes open but refused to actually get up. When the squad got there, they checked her vitals and basically knew she was fine. They had to take her because we can't take chances with this stuff in schools.

We all just kind of looked at each other and shrugged.

0/10 Acting skills.
Ew. So gross.

I will relay a short story that my 7th grade bio teacher told us. In that class we dissected a cow eyeball. The year before us, a student pocketed the lens of the eye (looks like a yellowish hard thing about the size of a peanut m&m). In his next class he stood up and swallowed it in front of everyone.

Another teacher told me about a student he had who would come to school in different costumes (ninja, soldier, etc) and stay in character the whole day. I do not remember the details but there was an incident in which he threw throwing stars during a talent show.

Ew. So gross.
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