Only the husband!

My grandmother worked for the medical clinic at her local army base during World War II, and she sometimes got to deliver the news that a woman (usually the wife of a soldier) was pregnant.

She told one young woman, who replied, "But that's impossible! My husband has been overseas for more than a year!"

My grandmother assured her that she was definitely pregnant, and asked if she had had sexual relations with anyone else recently.

The woman replied, "Well, yes! But...you can't get pregnant with nobody but your husband!"

The poor girl actually had no idea.

Only the husband!
How about them odds?

So, my mom nearly died while giving birth to her first child. The doctors were so worried about her health they told my parents that they wouldn't be able to have any more children for the foreseeable future.

Five years later, the doctors give them the go ahead to have another kid. Things didn't go perfectly with the second birth and she had to get her tubes tied (there were other medical problems as well).

A little more then 2 years pass and they are happy with their little family, but my mother is feeling ill again. It remains for a while (they thought it was a bad cold) but then she starts craving ice (she only craved ice while pregnant). She grows in the belly region and is pretty sure she is pregnant, but this is impossible because her tubes are tied, right? She goes to the doctor, the one who performed the surgery, and tells him that she believes she is pregnant. He disagrees entirely. He just WILL NOT believe she is pregnant. He performs all sorts of tests trying to figure out what it is but my mother is insistent, she believes she is pregnant. So finally the doctor says "Fine, I'll give you a pregnancy test, but when it come back negative you have to pay for it, if it comes up positive, I'll pay for it." It comes back positive. The doctors walks in the room and mutters, "Well, Your 7 months along." My mother responded with a classy, "I know."

Apparently when you get your tubes tied, every year after the first one adds a 1% chance of becoming pregnant. There was a 2% of me existing.

How about them odds?
Very odd indeed.

In medical school, I admitted a 8 month pregnant lady who didn't know she was pregnant. She simply wouldn't accept that she was, and was in denial to a seriously strange way. I was on my psychiatry rotation so she was admitted to obstetrics for observation but with our team following. She thought we were performing unnecessary surgery on her when we did the ultrasound. She didn't believe she was delivering while she was. Complete denial and delusional thought.

After she gave birth, she refused to accept she had a child, and the ministry had to adopt.

It was a very distressing case. To my knowledge she has never accepted the pregnancy.

Very odd indeed.
Very, very awkward.

I once told a lady she was pregnant, the response I got was : "No. No. No. No. No...."

I was a little confused, so I look to the husband, who also look confused. And after a moment he just says "I returned from Afghanistan yesterday..."

Awkward.

Very, very awkward.
Not the best method.

I went with my friend once to the ER because she was "having issues." I offered to step out of the room when the doctor came back in, but was told to sit tight. Okay, fine, whatever.

Doctor tells her she is pregnant (after she denies even having sex, ever.)

She says, "That's impossible! My boyfriend and I only did it once and he pulled out!" Doctor had to explain to her how that's not safe, at all, while I sat in the chair with my face in my palms.

Not the best method.
Could've been rich with those powers!

My wife was three days late on her period, I was the one to notice this, not her. So I purchased her a pregnancy test and she took it. I remember we were standing in the hallway of our first apartment together and she was watching the results on the test. I placed my hands on her shoulders, looked into her eyes, and told her, "You are pregnant, it is twins, fraternal twins, a boy and a girl, and the girl will come out first" She told me if I knocked her up with twins, she would knock my head off.

By the time I finished speaking, a faint line appeared showing positive for pregnant.

A few weeks later she was feeling sick so we went to the ER, her pregnancy was confirmed and they did an ultrasound, in a thick accent, the ultrasound tech told her "It's twins!". She did not understand him at first, I did, I thought about running, I didn't.

Two months later, it was confirmed that they were fraternal.

Two months after that, it was confirmed that Baby A was a girl and Baby B was a boy.

They came 6 weeks early, it was a tough pregnancy that ended with an emergency C Section. The doctor pulled my daughter out first and then my son.

I predicted the test result, amount, genders, type, and order of birth before I even had confirmation my wife was pregnant. I should've gone gambling.

Could've been rich with those powers!
The target audience.

Target sends people coupons based on their purchases with their Target card. A father filed a complaint with his local store for coupons that were sent to his young daughter for prenatal vitamins, lotions, etc. It turned out she was pregnant, but she was hiding it from daddy. Target knew before he did, based on her purchases.

The target audience.
You got it.

I called one of the only OBGYNs that my insurance covered. They said they could not see me for like two months. I asked if they could call in a prescription for my birth control pills while I wait for my appointment. The lady refused and said that because they haven't seen me in six months, they could not do that. I sort-of pitched a fit, but to no avail.

The day before my appointment, I took an at-home pregnancy test and it came up positive, so the next day, walking in to the office, I pretty much knew I was knocked up. I got into the exam room and the doctor came in. She told me "So you made an appointment for an exam to get birth control pills?" I said "Yep. Been waiting two months." She answered with "I'm sorry we always get so backed up. I know it takes forever sometimes to get one." I said "Yeah, well I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant now so can we test for that instead?" The doctor got this weird look on her face, asked for a urine sample. She came back ten min later looking sheepish and saying "Yep, you're pregnant."

For the record, I do not blame getting pregnant on the doctor. That was my stupid move.

You got it.
Adamant all the way through.

I had the privilege of seeing a very large woman admitted with severe discharge and pain. Turns out, she was in labor an never knew she was pregnant. She insisted that she just hasn't had a period for 9 months because of some thyroid condition. It boggles my mind that she didn't know. What did she say upon being informed she was pregnant?

"No way in hell."

Adamant all the way through.
At least you tried.

I had to cancel a woman in pre-op because her pregnancy test came back positive. I told her, "I have good new and bad news. The bad news is, we can't do your surgery today. The good news is....your pregnant!"

Her response was, "Doc, neither of those is good news".

At least you tried.
Evil cackle.

A few years ago, a doctor told me I was pregnant! At the time I'd just finished crying about something that doesn't seem all that important anymore, and I was also in pain and feeling pretty miserable. She left, came back, sat down in a chair and said, very seriously, "Miss, you're pregnant."

"Hahahahaha," I replied, "I am a teenaged virgin who has never seen a penis before."

I laughed way harder than the situation called for, but I was pretty damn stressed at the time and gave a total of zero craps. They probably thought I was crazy or a liar. I asked them to run another test (they called to say negative a week later), then practically skipped out of the office and called to tell my mom I was pregnant, laughing all the while. Needless to say, she was not amused.

Evil cackle.
How does this happen?!

A friend of mine started having terrible cramps one night, and ended up going to see a doctor in the morning with a friend she was supposed to go out for breakfast with. Nurse checks her, makes her take a test just in case (even if she'd never skipped a period). She was mortified when told she WAS pregnant. The nurse asked her what she wanted to do - she replied that she'd have to talk with her boyfriend. Nurse went to get a doctor because the cramps were still not normal.

He comes in, checks her briefly, looks nervous, leaves without a word. While my friend is freaking out a bit, he comes back with two paramedics - she's in labor. She gave birth to a beautiful, healthy boy later that day.

She had just come back from working 4 months in France, eating often in restaurants, so she didn't really worried about having put on a few pounds. She regularly takes pregnancy tests now.

How does this happen?!
Don't lie about that.

A friend of mine has lied about/faked so many pregnancies that when she was finally pregnant, so many people didn't believe her that she had to make a video of herself holding the positive pregnancy test. Even then people still didn't believe her.

Don't lie about that.
That's a lot.

I had just gotten off the night shift in triage. I had to tell a 19 year old she was pregnant. I'm not allowed to talk to patients, but I do have to be present to document that my provider has informed the patient of lab results. When my provider (a PA rotating through triage) asked her if she was sexually active, she said "Yes, but not like that," and I'll admit that the PCT in the room and I shared a WTF look. Then when the PA told her the positive results, she blurted out she'd only had anal sex, then facepalmed. I did as well. Awkward all around.

I also just realized that in my previous night shift we had to tell four different women they were pregnant... the second one was a morbidly obese woman who fell off her bike and was complaining of abdominal pain. Denies a chance of pregnancy with her boyfriend in the room, but when he leaves to get coffee she waves me over and says that she cheated on him and her period was four days late. I relay to the provider, and sure enough, she is preggo. She did fracture her hip and was admitted, so I don't know how she broke the news to her boyfriend.

The last one was a 22 female who thought she had a UTI, and when she got the news she immediately called up her boyfriend, while my provider is midsentence with her, and has the bf schedule and appt with an abortion clinic the next day. She hangs up, calmly looks up at the PA and tells him to prescribe whatever will make her UTI go away, because the pregnancy wasn't going to be a problem anymore.

Doesn't anyone plan a pregnancy anymore?

That's a lot.
Knew it the whole time.

Had a young lady come in for elective knee surgery. She's a little overweight, and nurse thinks she's pregnant. She says she delivered last month. I get a pregnancy test (as they all will nowadays) and she's positive. I ask for her records from where she gave birth. They have never heard of her. I call an OB to examine her. She 3 months along by ultrasound.

After more digging, she knew she was pregnant all along.

Knew it the whole time.
Different times.

In the 70's I worked as a hospital porter. The head porter was sorting lab results into various doctors' inboxes. I watched as one result card caused him to snort and grab the phone. A medical secretary on the other end, him at full volume: "Hello, just thought you should know - you can relax, you're not pregnant."

With great power comes great responsibility.

Different times.
Positive in what way?

When my mom was pregnant with me, she thought she had an ear infection. Went to the doctor, who decided to try a pregnancy test, just to be safe. He comes back into the room and says "Congratulations, it's positive." my moms response: "Positive? Like... positive for you? Or for me? I don't get it."

Positive in what way?
I don't think THAT comes in a can.

After I found out I was pregnant, the doctor said to come back in to discuss my blood test results. He told me I was anemic and to eat more iron. I was anticipating more bad news when he said, "You have syphilis."

I started bawling and wondering out loud if my husband was cheating on me. He looked at me irritated and said, "You don't have to pick it, eat it from a can." What my doctor actually said was "Eat more asparagus." I was so embarrassed, but when I explained to him what I thought he said, he laughed so hard, he had to leave the room.

I don't think THAT comes in a can.
A new savior?

We had a lady trying to beat the crap out of one of my doctors for, "telling her she is sleeps around". He didn't, he just told her that she is pregnant.

Same Doc later on told a patient she is pregnant, she replied, "But I never did the deed." He goes to the window and starts looking outside. Asked what he is doing, he replies, "The last time this happened a new star lit up the Sky over Bethlehem."

A new savior?
Sounds horrible. :(

I asked my boss, "How do you break the news to a 16 year old girl like that?" and he said, "Come with and find out". We go in, and it's the 16 year old girl with her grandma there. First thing he says is "Well your results are back, do you mind if your family is here when we talk about them?"

PROTIP: ALWAYS SAY "YES I MIND" TO THIS QUESTION.

Then he told her and she immediately started crying. The look her grandma gave her said 1000 words, all of which were not nice. Not 5 minutes later, her mom came in yelling names and pretty much anything you can imagine. She had to be escorted out by security.

All in all, it was a fairly interesting way to witness my first unwanted pregnancy reveal.

Sounds horrible. :(
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