The poor thing had probably been holding it in all day.

Something I would never tell my ex... I always knew the exact moment she fell asleep because she would fart.

The poor thing had probably been holding it in all day.
Fantasy Football

I'm in a fantasy football league at work. I was over in the fantasy football subreddit, r/ff, and saw a post that was identical to a question my work buddy asked me that day. Looked at his username and he used his real first name. Checked his user history, and yup, it was him.

Instead of spoiling it with a "Ha, gotcha buddy!" right then and there, I've been following his posts and giving him bad advice on drops he should make, and lopsided trades he should specifically make with me.

This all started 2 years ago, and he's since dropped out of contention and is now a basement dwelling bottom feeder at about 9th or 10th place.

Fantasy Football
Wow

I discovered that my uncle impregnated a woman just after WWII in Germany and he got sent back to the States before the little girl was born. He then married his high school sweetheart and has never acknowledged the German woman and her baby girl, even though she sent many letters (which my grandmother kept). Now his 3 kids, my cousins, have no knowledge of their older sister over in Germany!

Wow
That's so awkward

One of those porn sidebar ads used a picture of one of my friends.

That's so awkward
Late Night Snooping

I found my friend's username on Reddit. Doing some late night stalking, and stumbled upon a story on how her uncle raped her. I imagine her trust with me would be broken if she found out that I knew. She hasn't told me for a reason.

Late Night Snooping
Probably shouldn't tell her.

My mom has a vibrating "toy". But I don't actually think she knows what it does and instead uses it on her face (I've seen her turn it on and use it to massage a few muscles on her face and neck.) I think if she did, it wouldn't be sitting right on her nightstand where anyone could see it.

She's a little old Chinese lady who probably took the words "personal massager" as a literal translation.

I don't have the heart to tell her what it is.

Probably shouldn't tell her.
Troubled times

My sister's boyfriend, while a great guy now, was a troubled youth. He grew up with his grandparents as his dad is in prison and his mom is unreliable (drugs). Once when he was a teenager, he was so angry at his grandfather for some reason so he used his toothbrush to clean the toilet.

His grandfather contracted a bacterial infection so bad that he ended up losing all of his teeth and now wears dentures.

I'll never bring this up to him because he's a genuinely changed person. I knew him when he was in high school, and he's nothing like the person he used to be.

Troubled times
Family Secret

Found out a few years ago that a friend's sister is really his mother, and that his parents are really his grandparents. His real mom was so young that they took the baby in and raised him for their own so as not to spoil her future.

Family Secret
Unknowingly Illegal

Found out that one of my best friends is an illegal immigrant and is totally unaware of it. Slept over one night, went to grab a drink from the kitchen, and her parents were talking about how they might bring it up to her since she was getting older. The irony is that she frequently talks about how illegal immigrants should immigrate legally, and that it's unfair her parents had to spend the time and money to get here the right way.

Unknowingly Illegal
That's dark...

The man I call my dad isn't really my dad, but someone my mom met shortly after I was born. My mom was raped and that's how I was conceived. I only found out from a family friend's son since we are the same age. My parents have never talked to me about it and I'm terrified of bringing it up to them for my mom's sake.

That's dark...
Egg-Hater

Found out that my wife hates eggs because that's basically all they ate for a few months so her parents could afford to splurge on her coming of age ceremony.

Egg-Hater
That's a smart move

I found out my dad won the lottery. He won around $250,000 and has never told me or my brothers. It took some digging to find so I never told anyone because I figure if he hasn't told his family then he doesn't want anyone to know.

That's a smart move
Bad Grad

I discovered that an employee who claimed to be a Yale grad on his resume had never stepped foot on the campus.

He was liked by the boss and some coworkers - so confronting him on this would've caused quite a scene.

Bad Grad
This is an amazing friend

One of my good friends is HIV positive. I found out through the grape-vine, and immediately understood that I shouldn't know that about him. I've never said anything about it to him, but I've made a distinct effort to be more available to him as a friend. I figure if he ever wants to tell me, he will. If not, he could still use some kindness in his life.

This is an amazing friend
Sounds like a healthy relationship...

My roommate punched himself in the eye and faked being jumped, because his girlfriend was about to break up with him. They are now married.

Sounds like a healthy relationship...
Expert Thief

I found out my grandpa used to sew big pockets into the inside of his jackets so he could more effectively shoplift.

Expert Thief
Secret twin

I'll never tell my family I know I was a twin. One of my grandmothers got drunk at Christmas and started to talk about it one year when I was a kid. Part of me wants to say she was wrong but the look of horror in some family's faces before they had me leave to play with cousins always made it stick out. It would explain the lack of baby pictures and why I was baptized really early, like few days old. I don't know what happened to my twin.

Secret twin
That can't be healthy

I found out a coworker of mine doesn't wash her face. Like, ever. She wears makeup every day, but just goes to sleep in it and then touches it up in the morning.

That can't be healthy
You can't escape Google

Strange guy started at my job... he told us he was famous from the state he was from, radio show host, this and that. I decided to do some googling... turns out he was taking upskirt photos of underage girls at walmart and got arrested and sentenced to prison. He was fired from the radio show, wife left him and took his millions... and all that happened January 2016... figured he moved to my tiny town to escape all that from his home town.

You can't escape Google
Life Saver

A guy I worked with ages ago had to go "back home" frequently to meet with his "old boss." Whatever, no big deal. Then one time when he came to the bar with us he started being weird, talking about time in prison but wouldn't divulge why he went. (Restaurant staff don't always have spot-free records, so nothing too out of the ordinary).

But I got curious, and the internet is my friend... Turns out that his "old boss," was his parole officer, and he went to jail for possession of child porn and had molested his neighbor's kids, like all of his neighbors' kids, and served close to 20 years for it.

I'm all for giving people a second chance, but when he started trying to hang out with a couple of the underage hostesses and one of the servers mentioned he offered to babysit, I felt obligated to bring it up to our GM. He was fired...

Fast forward about 1-2 years, I randomly see him walking into a local drug store. I was on the phone with my mom, waiting to get off the phone with her before I went in. Less than 3 minutes later he comes walking out with a little black girl (he's white). I don't know why, but I felt icky instantly. Said I had to go, Hung up on my mom, called 911 and followed him in my car still on the phone with dispatch until an officer caught up and pulled him over.

I never found out what happened, didn't want to know really, but a friend of mine (who he worked with at another place at the time) said he didn't show up for work one day and never heard from him again.

Life Saver

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