The ol' umbrella smack.

When I was walking through Copenhagen central station, I saw two homeless guys. One was sitting on a bench while the other guy went to town on him, and the first guy kept hitting him on the head with an umbrella.

The ol' umbrella smack.
Very inconsiderate.

While riding my bike home from school, I rounded a corner to see two other students going at it in the middle of the bike trail. Like, there was a whole forest, but nah, this busy bike trail will work.

Very inconsiderate.
Meet me halfway.

I worked on campus in the cafeteria so I was there after dark in the winter. I was walking along and I heard moans from an elevated walk way so out of my sight I shouted up, "Hey! HEY! is everything OK up there?!" A guy shouted down, "Uhhh yeah, everything is okay" to which I responded, "I want to hear the girl say everything is ok." She giggled down that everything was fine. I left them to it.

It felt like a real compromise to me. Didn't disturb them too much and made sure people are safe.

Meet me halfway.
Can't be beat.

I was walking home from a bar. I got to watch a guy and a girl going at it in front of the public library. They were using a plastic grocery bag as protection. Dude was holding the hand cutouts while going at it. I'll never unsee that yellow grocery bag moving around like that. Even the words on the bag that said the grocery store's motto, "Won't Be Beat." I laughed out loud as I walked by, but I think I got a bit scarred from that.

Can't be beat.
Burying bones indeed.

I heard "moaning" sounds coming from the crypt below the chapel floor where I was about to practice the organ for a funeral later that day.

When I turned the organ blower on in the crypt for the instrument above, a couple emerged - obviously caught red-handed for having used the quiet space for purposes other than burying bones.

Burying bones indeed.
Seagulls, attack!

My friend and I bought a pizza and decided to go eat it on the local beach while watching the sunset. Some girl getting a photo shoot done in a bikini decided that the ambience was just right to make the photo shoot a naked one. My friend threw a piece of pizza crust towards the girl and she got swarmed by seagulls.

Seagulls, attack!
Unfortunate situation.

There is a local sex worker that everyone in my coffee shop/many in the neighborhood knew by name. She was very kind when she wasn't hopped up on drugs which was extremely rare - she had a very rough life.

One winter night, she came in with her skirt hiked up to high heaven and not wearing any underwear. She stood in front of the window and just started dancing.

I went up to her and told her she needed to leave if she was going to do that or she could sit down and have a coffee.

Unfortunate situation.
Think of the shoes!

An old woman shuffled into my shoe department stockroom, hoisted her skirt, and proceeded to spray diarrhea all over the cement floor and the shoe boxes on the bottom shelves in her vicinity. My coworker then proceeded to vomit. Needless to say it was not safe to work until a housekeeping team cleaned up and loss prevention salvaged out a few hundred dollars worth of shoes.

Think of the shoes!
No one will ever know.

This happened on the streets of New York around 3pm or so. An intoxicated couple was walking down the street. They were pulling themselves down a fence which made it look like there was some strange force pulling them backwards. Anyways, the lady face plants on the sidewalk and rises to her knees. She starts going to town on this dude all the while blood is straight pouring out of her face. I ran inside to grab someone to witness the show and when I got back they were gone.

No one will ever know.
This guy is a legend.

Early winter last year I saw someone walking down the street in a pair of slack jeans, some boots and a ushanka, no top.

He had his nob out and was pissing as he was walking whilst puffing away on a cigarette.

Life in the North of England.

This guy is a legend.
True fantasy.

A couple of years ago, I took my first girlfriend on her very first camping trip in a local national park. After walking about twenty minutes from the carpark, we took a little break at a clearing with picnic tables, accompanied by a couple of families with small children. Minutes later, a legion of 7 bare-breasted women dressed in vaguely elvish loincloths and fake ears arrived at the spot. With them were a couple of guys with cameras and lighting equipment. What followed can be best described as an elf bondage photoshoot spectated by us, small children and their horrified parents.

True fantasy.
Guilty indeed.

I witnessed a woman going to town on a guy in a parked car one morning while I was riding the bus to school. The bus was stopped in traffic and I just happened to look down at the parked car next to us. There she was just going to town. She happened to look up as the bus was pulling off. We made eye contact. She had a guilty look on her face.

Guilty indeed.
The pen is mightier than the sword.

This happened midday. A fight between two gentlemen spilled out of a coffee shop. Your average cursing and fist throwing. Then, all of a sudden, one of the guys pulls out a pen and stabs the other in the eye multiple times.

The pen is mightier than the sword.
When you gotta go in the morning.

I was on the bus in a busy street in Melbourne. We rounded a corner and saw a woman squatting next to her bike on the bike path. She'd stopped to do her business and all I saw was her squatting next to the bike with her bare butt in the air.

I nudged the person I was sitting next to because I honestly didn't believe what I was seeing.

After a few seconds she pulled her pants back up and went on her way. This would have been around 10am.

When you gotta go in the morning.
Cold and cruel.

I once witnessed a sex worker in the Amsterdam red light district throw out a client in nothing but his socks. It was mid-December so it was pretty cold, too. I didn't get a chance to find out the story as I was working and just driving by.

Cold and cruel.
This is just inappropriate on every level.

I work at an outdoor public pool in the summer, and two summers ago I had to ask two dudes to stop going to town on each other IN the pool during family swim.

This is just inappropriate on every level.
Strut your stuff.

I was on a school bus. I look out the window and there was a large, naked man in heels strutting down the town's main street while other pedestrians gawked in confusion/horror.

I was not expecting that.

Strut your stuff.
The worst thing. The worst.

This happened in a Denny's parking lot. A homeless woman pulled down her pants and began cleaning her private parts with wet wipes she'd stolen from a KFC. I'll always remember the look on the faces of the family in the minivan with Ontario plates. They'll never forget that vacation.

The worst thing. The worst.
Two thumbs up.

I was working as a security guard years ago and had an awkward experience. I was doing my patrol in a Verizon utility vehicle lot next to a downtown area. There was an event going on near the lot so the street was packed with cars. A car drove on the premises and since it's a private property area I had to tell them to vacate the area. As I walked slowly to the car I saw a man with his eyes closed and his head reclining on the drivers seat. I thought the guy was trying to get some rest. As I walked right next to the vehicle I took out my flashlight and lightly tapped the window to wake the man. At that moment I peered down and saw a moving clump of hair moving up and down from the man's crotch.

Not a second later the man opened his eyes and stared in fear as I looked at him with a stare of awkwardness. I did what any self-respecting guy would do at that moment. I turned around, gave the dude a thumbs up, and walked way. Got to my post and sat there for a couple minutes, laughing so hard. A few minutes later the same car drove right next to the post and the guy rolled down his window and gave me a thumbs up sign. I've never felt more like a true bro than I did at that moment.

Two thumbs up.
I'd like to know the story to this one.

I was in town with my dad when I was about 9 years old. We were going about our business when suddenly a man and a woman, completely naked, streak down the street right by us. They were being followed by police officers. I didn't know what to think.

It's a fond memory.

I'd like to know the story to this one.
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