'Ferry McFerryface to be name of new Sydney ferry after public vote'

Reading this title, you'd think that the vote must have been only open to people ages five or under, but such is not the case. An open competition for the name of a new ferry in Sydney, Australia. Despite the Minister for Transport and Infrastructure Andrew Constance urging people at first to "Let's really generate some of the best names possible", the trolls went all out, with 'Ferry McFerryface' garnering hundreds of votes.

The real kicker? 'Ferry McFerryface' didn't even receive the most votes. It came second to 'Boaty McBoatface', but Constance said that name was taken by a British research vessel, they should go with the runner-up.

'Ferry McFerryface to be name of new Sydney ferry after public vote'
'Michael Bay to Produce Live-Action ‘Dora the Explorer’ Movie'

They said it couldn't be done. They said you couldn't take a loveable Nickelodeon children's show and put it in the hands of one of the most over-the-top action directors today.

They were wrong.

Michael Bay has signed on to produce the live-action version of 'Dora the Explorer', as part of Paramount's new 'Paramount Players' division. Story details right now are under tight wraps, but what is known is that film will be centered around a teenage Dora living in the city with her cousin Diego. A release date right now is projected for sometime in 2019. One can only assume the movie will be filled with epic Dora stunts and massive building explosions.

'Michael Bay to Produce Live-Action ‘Dora the Explorer’ Movie'
'Pope Francis admits: "When I pray, sometimes I fall asleep"'

If you ever fell asleep during Sunday service and felt guilt, fear no more; napping during prayer goes all the way up to Pope Francis.

"When I pray, sometimes I fall asleep," Pope Francis admitted in an episode of a Catholic TV2000 television programme. Quick to throw other saints under the bus, he followed up with, "Saint Therese did it too", showing the 19th-century French nun in a new light.

Pope Francis explained that during prayer, Christians were called to feel like children lying in their father's arms. The feeling is incredibly close to the feeling of going for a nap.

To be fair, Pope Francis has an incredibly busy and fast-paced schedule, especially at the ripe age of 80, so a little cat nap is more than justified.

'Pope Francis admits:
'Japanese police arrest 74-year-old ninja thief suspect'

The art of ninjutsu does not discriminate against age, as evidenced by the arrest of a 74 year-old man who's been suspected of being an incredibly prolific thief dressed as a ninja.

The so-called 'Ninja of Heisei' has carried out more than 250 break-ins and has been charged with thefts that are estimated to be worth around 30 million yen.

Police were surprised that the thief, who has been burgling for over eight years, was such an older man, expecting it to be someone in the prime of their youth. The thief displayed amazing physical ability, including running on walls instead of the streets in Japan.

The thief, after being arrested, as alluded to retirement from being a ninja, confidently saying, "If I were younger, I wouldn't have been caught. I'll quit now as I'm 74 and old enough."

'Japanese police arrest 74-year-old ninja thief suspect'
'There's Now an App That Tells You If McDonald's Ice Cream Machine Is Broken'

This is it. The future is now. McDonald's has finally released an app called 'Ice Check' which lets customers check the working condition of their local McDonald's ice cream machine. Apparently, there were enough complaints that the soft-serve machines were out of service too often, so to avoid a potential nation-wide riot, McDonald's released the app that will let them know the status of the machine before they even leave their house.

Gone are the days of marching into a McDonald's, with full intent of getting stuffing ourselves full of of soft-serve and brain freeze, only to be turned away with a cold 'Out of Service' sign.

'There's Now an App That Tells You If McDonald's Ice Cream Machine Is Broken'
'2 accidentally shot at church during church shooting discussion'

In one of the more cruel cases of irony, two people were accidentally shot at a church while discussing the church shooting that had occurred in Texas.

As the story goes, someone asked if anyone had brought a gun to their church, and a man spoke up saying he did. He removed the gun's magazine and chamber, and then passed the gun around. When the gun came back to him, he put the magazine back in the gun but accidentally pulled the trigger, firing off a round that hit a man in the hand and a woman in the abdomen.

Both victims survived, but our faith in gun laws have not.

'2 accidentally shot at church during church shooting discussion'
'"Don't block my drive" note left on ambulance'

It doesn't matter if you're saving lives, you can still piss somebody off with a bad parking job.

West Midlands Ambulance Service responded to a call of a man who was in critical condition and was vomiting blood in the ambulance before being rushed to the hospital as an emergency case. While the ambulance was only at the scene for 30 minutes, that didn't stop a disgruntled person from leaving a mildly aggressive note in the ambulance's windscreen that read:

"You may be saving lives but don't park your van in a stupid place and block my drive."

Not a group to let this act go unnoticed, the West Midlands Ambulance Service shared the note in a photo on Facebook with the hashtag '#patientscomefirst', drawing over a thousand reactions condemning the person who wrote the note.

'
'Apology after Japanese train departs 20 seconds early'

In one of the more extreme cases of an unnecessary apology, management on the Tsukuba Express line in Japan apologized on social media for a train that left 20 seconds earlier than it's scheduled departure time. The company said the train had been scheduled to leave at 9:44:40 local time but left at 9:44:20. The mistake is reported to have happened because the crew didn't check the timetable prior to departure.

It added that no customers had complained about the early departure.

'Apology after Japanese train departs 20 seconds early'
'France Is Running Out of Butter for Its Croissants'

The kind of headline that might be a signal for the apocalypse, the butter prices in France have soared in recent times and because retailers are unwilling to spend more on the dairy product, butter producers have begun to sell their gold bars across the border. This has created a crisis where France - the world's biggest consumer of butter - is dealing with a shortage of this crucial ingredient.

Agriculture Minister Stephane Travert, wanting to avoid a butter-fuelled panic, said in an assembly, "I want to reassure all the consumers that soon butter will find its way back to shop shelves and consumers won't be deprived of this French commodity that does honor to French tables and is the pride of French dairy production." May the wonderful people of France soon be able to stuff their faces full of buttery croissants without fear!

'France Is Running Out of Butter for Its Croissants'
'Man rescued from Taliban didn't believe Donald Trump was President'

In 2012, a Canadian man, Joshua Boyle, and his wife were kidnapped by a Taliban-linked group and were held captive for five years. They received next-to-no information of the outside world during this time; they didn't even know Justin Trudeau was elected Prime Minister of Canada until they were rescued in October of 2017.

So when Joshua was informed by his captors that Donald Trump had been elected President of the United States, the absurdity of the statement made him shrug it off as a joke. "It didn't enter my mind that he was being serious," Boyle told the Toronto Star. That Boyle would think his cruel captors would crack a joke like this says something about Donald Trump's perceived reputation.

'Man rescued from Taliban didn't believe Donald Trump was President'
'Alt-Right White Supremacists Claim Papa John's as Official Pizza'

Papa John's CEO John Schnatter landed in hot water recently when he claimed that Papa John's sales have suffered as a result of NFL players protesting police brutality (Papa John's being one of the official sponsors of the NFL). Amongst all the criticism, Schnatter found support from members of the controversial alt-right movement.

The website The Daily Stormer announced that Papa John's is the official pie of the alt-right, even going so far as to post a photo of a pizza with a swastika made up of pepperoni slices.

Other businesses aren't safe from the alt-right either; last November, white supremacists declared New Balance shoes to be 'official shoes of the white people' and also declared Wendy's to be the 'official burger of the Neo-Nazi Alt-Right movement'.

All of this is just in poor taste.

'Alt-Right White Supremacists Claim Papa John's as Official Pizza'
'Man fed up with nagging wife hides in forest for 10 years'

Many husbands complain about their wives nagging about things, but almost every man just toughs it out for the greater good of the marriage.

Not this guy.

Malcolm Applegate, aged 62 and realizing that he didn't want to spend the last years of his life in a fight-filled marriage, got up and and left his home in Birmingham to travel all the way to London. He started out on his bike, but when his bike was stolen, he completed the rest of his journey on foot - a casual three week walk.

"For three years it was alright, we got on with one another and the gardening got too much for her." Applegate explained. "She said, 'Why don't we have more time together?' I said, 'How can I? I have been recommended to people'. I just upped and left, I got fed up with her because we used to get so many arguments."

Applegate camped out in the 'thick woodland' just outside of London while he gardened at a community centre. He did not emerge for ten years and lost complete contact with all friends and family, including his sister whom he was close with.

"I think she assumed I was dead."

'Man fed up with nagging wife hides in forest for 10 years'
'The world's oldest living land creature is a gay tortoise named Jonathan'

Jonathan is a 186-year-old tortoise living on the island of Saint Helena. The oldest living land creature had seemingly been enjoying the last 26 years of his life with his female tortoise companion Frederica, however researchers were confused as to why the couple didn't have any children.

This was all explained with a recent examination that showed that Frederica was actually also a male. In light of such a discovery, Frederica has been renamed Frederic.

'The world's oldest living land creature is a gay tortoise named Jonathan'
'Rick Perry suggests fossil fuels help prevent assault'

Two negatives don't make a positive in the case of Energy Secretary Rick Perry pushing for fossil fuels by suggesting it helps prevent assault. A recent trip to Africa led Perry to declare during an energy policy discussion that "from the standpoint of assault, when the lights are on, when you have light that shines, the righteousness, if you will on those types of acts."

The Department of Energy insisted that Perry's statement was meant to highlight the positive effects and improvements to the quality of life for the people in Africa.

'Rick Perry suggests fossil fuels help prevent assault'
'Viral Chinese video game measures which players can clap fastest for President Xi Jinping'

How do you get your entire population to blindly applaud a speech you've made? Simple make it into a fun, addicting mobile game!

A Chinese tech company called 'Tencent' has released a game where you applaud President Xi Jinping's three and a half hour Communist Party congress speech, the game being aptly titled 'Excellent Speech: Clap for Xi Jinping,'

The game is quite simple: you 'clap' by tapping the screen as many times as you can in 19 seconds. Before being able to clap, however, a snippet of Xi's speech is played for users to listen to, with topics he touched on including economic reform and a new era of 'socialism with Chinese characteristics'.

The game has been extremely popular, being played more than 400 million times and generating over a billion 'claps'.

'Viral Chinese video game measures which players can clap fastest for President Xi Jinping'
'Arizona man selling ranch for $5M due to constant alien attacks'

John Edmonds is fed up with aliens. The Arizona native is selling his 9.67-acre ranch because he cannot deal with the constant paranormal activity he insists he has to deal with.

Edmonds claims that he, himself, has slain 19 aliens with various samurai swords, and he and his wife have lost count of how many alien kidnapping attempting they have endured.

"They actually levitated her out of the bed in the master chamber and carried her into the parking lot and tried to draw her up into the craft," Edmonds told NBC-affiliate KPNX.

He shouldn't have too much trouble selling the place though; aside from the constant threat of extra-terrestrial terrorism, the house contains five bedrooms, four bathrooms, and a pool!

'Arizona man selling ranch for $5M due to constant alien attacks'
'Einstein note about happiness of a modest life sells for $1.5m'

The irony in this story is richer than the guy who bought the note.

An auction in Jerusalem contained a note that Albert Einstein had written to a Japanese courier, and the note sold for $1.5 million to a European who wished to remain anonymous.

The note, which Einstein gave to the courier in lieu of a tip, says in German that "a quiet and modest life brings more joy than a pursuit of success bound with constant unrest".

Wise words indeed; so wise, in fact, that they cost a million and a half dollars.

'Einstein note about happiness of a modest life sells for $1.5m'
'DOT reminds drivers deer can't read signs'

If you had any faith left in humanity, it's about to leave you forever.

The Iowa Department of Transportation says that people asked why the department doesn't put up signs for the deer to let them know where it's safe to cross roadways. They got this question enough times to put out a public statement that read:

"Question: Why don't you put these signs where it is safer for the deer to cross?

Answer: Deer can't read signs. Drivers can. This sign isn't intended to tell deer where to cross, it's for drivers to be alert that deer have been in this area in the past."

This news may be a bombshell, but it is unfortunately fact; deers cannot read signs. We hope this new knowledge will help improve driving conditions, as in Iowa from January 1 to October 23 there have been 3,344 crashes with animals, according to the DOT.

'DOT reminds drivers deer can't read signs'
'Man given $149 ticket for singing 90s dance song while driving'

Singing and enjoying yourself in your car is now against the law.

Taoufik Moalla was driving along in Montreal, jamming out to the song "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)", when he heard sirens.

"I was thinking they wanted to pass, but they called on the speaker 'Please go to the right side,'" said Moalla. "I stopped and four police came, two on each side, and checked the inside of the car. Then they asked me if I screamed. I said no, I was just singing.

Police checked his license and registration, and then came back with a $149 ticket for screaming in his car and a fine for disturbing the peace.

Moalla kept cool and plans to contest the ticket. He is currently awaiting a court date which could take up to a year. So next time you plan on singing in your car, bring it down to a whisper!

'Man given $149 ticket for singing 90s dance song while driving'
'Cards Against Humanity buys plot of land on U.S./Mexico border to block border wall'

'Cards Against Humanity' are notorious for pulling off big-scale pranks around this time of year. From getting people to donate $5 to them for literally nothing in return to raising $100,000 to just dig a giant hole in the ground, they had to do something big to up the ante this year. What could be bigger than ruining President Trump's dream of building his infamous wall?

"We've purchased a plot of vacant land on the border and retained a law firm specializing in eminent domain to make it as time-consuming and expensive as possible for the wall to get built," the company said on their website.

It'll be tough to top this joke, that's for sure.

'Cards Against Humanity buys plot of land on U.S./Mexico border to block border wall'

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