His best man encourages him to sleep with his ex-girlfriend, who has somehow been invited...he does it, and confesses it all to my friend the next morning.
It was really awkward. The wedding was on, then off again, then on, for a few days. They did end up married but are now divorced. I remember sitting there during the ceremony thinking, "They won't last," and he confessed that he'd never actually been in love with her, marriage just seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't remember the rest of the night, but they told me I had fun.
My dad and I arrived at the apartment I shared with my soon to be wife, puked all over the bathroom, were very loud and passed out in the hallway.
My wife was not amused at our loud arrival, the mess we made or my insistence that I did not puke but I still wifed her up anyways.
Stopped along the way for seafood, listened to Bon Jovi and Scorpions all the way down, and had a blast. We got to the Hard Rock (of course), and immediately started partying. We went down to the pool, and my buddy yelled out, "Here's the bachelor!!!" That was it. I don't remember much after that.
At one point I was in a hot tub.
Then I remember I couldn't find my friends.
And a girl was taking me back to the elevators.
And then my friends were in the room, too, and I was missing my pants... And all the rest of my clothes.
The realization of what just happened sobered me right the up and I completely freaked out. I was jumping up and down in the room, butt naked, screaming at my friends that they just let me cheat on my fiancee and this was all their fault.
They would not. Stop. Laughing.
Apparently what actually happened is that I got really out of it and started to pass out in the hot tub, so my friends escorted me back to the room to sleep it off. The "girl" I remember was one of my buddies who had found a wig during his partying, and thought it was hilarious. They then showed me the wig. It was totally one of those blue and yellow Chargers wigs they wear at the football games... and was absolutely the "hair" of the "girl" I had just followed back to the room lol. After leaving me in the room, they all went back to the party to let me sleep it off, and I'd been in the room for about three hours, sound asleep.
Afterwards, we decided it was best if we all just got dressed for dinner. It's important to note that, at this particular instant, everyone in the room, myself included, believed that I had merely slept during the three hour interlude whilst I was in the room and my friends were at the pool party. This, as we soon learned, was not the case.
In preparation for the pool party earlier that day, we had all changed out of our normal street clothes and into pool attire in the room. Among the many items left in the room as a result of the changing process were my friends' $400 pair of fine leather boots. Boots which, at the precise moment that we all decided to get dressed, were on the floor, next to my bed. I put on my pants, my best man put on his shirt, another groomsman put on his suit, and our last friend stuck his foot into the first boot and discovered that it was full, to the brim, of vomit.
I believe he screamed, "WTF?!?" as he kicked the boot off of his foot as hard as he could.
Please, dear reader, take a moment to imagine how one physically kicks a boot off of one's foot. Does it shoot straight off in a lovely arc whereby any liquid - however unlikely - that may be inside of it, would remain in the boot? Or does it, in fact, spin like a helicopter's stabilizing rotor, end over end, spraying goo upon the floor, beds, ceiling, and - of course - the person who kicked off said boot?
Spoiler alert: It's the latter.
The rest of this story is all downhill. I was spared purchasing a new pair of boots for my friend (the other boot was also full), but I did have to clean the entire room. A task, for which, I somehow felt that a pile of bar coasters was an adequate tool. My friend changed out of his vomit covered pants, showered again, and put on his jeans with his shirt and sports coat, which were miraculously un-fouled. We all went out for dinner, which I was not okay to eat given the state of my stomach, and I went back to the room and slept until morning, at which point much ceremony was made of everyone checking their shoes to see if I had thrown up again (I had not).
I do regret that I missed what was, by all accounts, a great party, but I'm glad that I had what I consider to be a "true" bachelor party experience. Namely, I had a party so absurd that it removed from me, for quite some time, the urge to party (or even smell alcohol) again, thereby keeping me home, with my wife, and happily within the confines of my marriage bed. A sanctity which I have never, to this day, violated.
We hit a couple of pubs before going for a meal in Chinatown (London). Afterwards we got into a nightclub.
Long story short, my colleague disappeared. Got close to midnight and we still couldn't find him. He wasn't in the club, nowhere around it, wasn't answering his phone. We gave up in the end and I went home.
Get to the church the next day and there's the bridesmaid and the best man, turning people away. Our colleague had apparently chatted up a girl in the nightclub and gone back to her place.
He didn't return to work as his now ex-fiancée also worked with us in the same department (how they met). At least he didn't make things difficult at work.
Announced I was taking the castle and tried to fight a few knights.
I was marched out the gate. My kingdom in ruins.
After 8 hours or so of heavy drinking all day, we were at a baseball game and the groom punched a police officer in the back of the head and knocked him out for a few seconds. I watched it happen in slow motion, and thought to myself, "Welp, this wedding isn't going to be happening this weekend".
Bride to be is sitting at home with the iPad getting all of the iMessages from the girl.
She canceled the wedding that day.
Understandably the bride wanted the groom to try to limit her partying. The afternoon before the wedding the bride arrives to see groom's mom smashed and the groom himself partying with her. Next thing my cousin knows (she was there to oversee preparations) the bride and groom are in a straight up FIST FIGHT which leads to an Anchorman-style street fight between members of both families in the parking lot.
Apparently they recently scheduled a new day for it. I can't imagine the tension there.
Cue the bride screaming and sobbing shouting "The weddings off!!!" while storming out the place followed by the groom covering his nether regions with his hands apologizing profusely.
Turns out she caught the mother of the bride and the groom shagging.
Safe to say we had an easy shift the next day as we didn't have a wedding to cater for.
I was going to come later in the evening as I was flying in late for the bachelor party and wedding. Got a call right before take off that the groom had fallen from the upstairs in the vip section and they believed had severed his spinal cord. Turns out he actually had severed his spinal cord.
Amazingly the wedding did happen, almost a year later. It puts things in perspective that she still stayed.
Like three days after.
Worst part was that it was a destination wedding/honeymoon and he couldn't get a refund so we all went anyway and he was super depressed the whole time.
His family was all there too.
Groom was furious, called off the wedding an hour before it was set to happen, but still let us enjoy the food and bar that had already been paid for at the venue.
He dodged a bullet and I got to eat and drink for free. Win-win.
Except, he was the one in for a surprise, as he walked into his new house to hear sounds coming from their bedroom.
He walked in to find his bride in bed with another man... His dad.
We tried to talk him into doing a big screw you party because we'd never fill the space and there was no refund, but he declined.
The slopes were very steep and their car came down rolling for 80 meters down the slopes.
Groom got taken to hospital by helicopter and spend his supposed to be wedding day in the hospital.
Way more people ended up there than we wanted. But during the bachelor party, he kept saying "I get a free pass tonight boys!" We thought he was kidding. He was obviously pretty out of it. We all were.
Later the next day we found out that he was not kidding and slept with one of our friend's sisters that night. Needless to say, the wedding was cancelled. He came over the next day pouting because he thought that's what a bachelor party was for.
To sleep with someone else one last time before getting hitched. He's an idiot.
He had been passed out, and the future in-laws got woken up by his horrified screaming at 6 AM.
The wedding still went off a few hours later.
Another groomsman 'helped' him up and broke his ankle in the process. It was black the next day and he was on crutches for the wedding 4 weeks later.
At the end of the night his friends dragged him up the path unconscious to his house at 3am, opened the front door with his key, then dumped him on the front room sofa.
One of his 'friends' didn't think he looked quite right sprawled on his back on the sofa, so went into the kitchen and found a sausage in the fridge. Returned to the living room, undid his zip, inserted sausage hanging out of the gap, did zip up. They closed the curtains and disappeared into the night.
In the morning, the grooms Mum walked into the room, which was still dark. Went to the window, threw open the curtains, turned around and... there was the family cat eating the sausage.
Mother fainted, hit head on stone fireplace, missed the wedding - and had to explain why there was a bandage on her head for the following week.
The groom was never allowed to forget it.
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