"I worked at a grocery store. I was stocking Instant Noodles on a big sale display. All I had was a cheap, small, two-step stool. You know the one with the bar that runs across the top step? Now in order to get down, I had a 60% chance my foot would land on the top bar and collapse the thing. I asked a coworker to use his shoulder as a support as I got down. My supervisor called me a 'princess' for getting assistance.
Soon after, he was stocking the 2-liter Coke bottles on a sales display. He tried to get down but he hit the top bar. The step ladder collapsed. He broke his arm and took down half of the display. I just clocked out and left before they told me to clean up the soda he'd spilled all over the place."
"I was at a Major League Baseball game one time and there was a vendor with a horrendous speech impediment. It was so bad that I could barely understand him when he screamed out, 'COLD DRINKS!' I heard a kid about two rows behind me begin to giggle and mock the vendor. I'm not sure if the vendor heard this going on, but he was definitely in earshot. I just ignored the brat's jokes and went back to watching the game. The next batter popped the baseball straight up in the air. When it came down, it nailed the kid right in the knee. This was probably one of the most satisfying moments I've had in my life so far.
Later in the game, a batter let go of their bat by accident and it flew into the stands. It ended up hitting some dude right in the chest. I can't even imagine what he did to deserve that one."
"I was just starting at the gym a few years back, trying hard to work off the fat that my office job had packed onto my frame. I was on the bench doing my workout (low weight, high reps) and some juicehead walked by and scoffed when he saw me sweating my butt off, struggling through my reps. 'So champ, bro. So champ.'
He went over to his own bench and loaded it up with weights. He pushed out a few reps. I could see him sweating it while I drank some water, taking a break. After three reps, he couldn't push it up anymore and the bar fell on his chest and started crushing him. He was flailing around, kicking his legs ineffectively like a roach that's been flipped on its back. I slowly walked over to him and looked him in the eyes. He had this crazy, dying-animal desperation on his face, and his veins were practically exploding out of his neck. I took pity on him and helped lift the bar off of him and back onto the rack.
As I was walking away, I looked over my shoulder and said, 'Champ, bro.'"
"A few years ago, I was a relatively new nurse working night shift on a medical-surgery floor. The night in question was fairly busy, but what made it worse was one particular patient, a 19-year-old male who was two days post appendectomy. He was just such a jerk. To make matters worse, his girlfriend insisted on spending the night with him, despite my polite reminder that visiting hours had ended over an hour ago.
If this guy was a jerk, then his girlfriend was Queen of the Jerks. Everything I said to this couple was met with a rude reply and an eye roll. Not one thing I did for them that evening was good enough. And trust me when I say that I was bending over backward trying to be nice to them. They just seemed to have it out for me from the moment they laid eyes on me. They were just being generally horrible enough to make me lock myself in the bathroom and cry.
So fast forward a few hours. They had been hitting the call bell constantly, most of the time for stupid little things like another glass of ice or a washcloth, things that the girlfriend was perfectly capable of retrieving herself (since most of the time she was ringing the bell asking for things for HER! Remember she was not the actual patient). But like I said, I was really trying hard to be nice, so I did what they asked, all the time with a smile.
Finally, around midnight, they settled down to go to sleep. The GF decided she was going to sleep next to him in his hospital bed. I very politely suggested that might not be in his best interest. What if she rolled over in her sleep and accidentally hit his surgical wound? She could cause him a lot of pain and at worst dehisce the wound. I basically was told 'Eff you, we'll do what we want.' Ok whatever, goodnight.
An hour later, the call bell came on again. Well great, my peace and quiet didn't last very long. But being the dutiful nurse that I am, I immediately went to their room and said, 'Hi, may I help you?'
The patient and his GF were both standing at the side of the bed. He wouldn't look me in the eye and she had a look of utter disgust/rage on her face. Finally, she spat out, 'He had an accident.'
I flipped on all the lights. The kid has massive, nasty, explosive diarrhea. In his bed. While they were both sleeping in it. And yes, she got some on her.
I managed to keep a straight face and say, 'I'll be right back,' before rushing out of the room. A few minutes later, I came back with some clean linens, which I handed to the GF with a big smile. And yes, I made them clean up the mess. No further cares were given that night. Thanks, Karma Gods!"
"One time, during one of my baseball games, I went up to bat and the other coach was being very obnoxious and saying things like, 'COME ON! SHE'S A GIRL! SHE CAN'T HIT! JUST STRIKE HER OUT ALREADY!' The next pitch, I hit a foul ball directly at his face and nearly broke his nose.
I hit a double on the next pitch. Girls can hit a baseball too, dummy."
"When I was 8, I flew off of a rope swing, landed on my butt, and got a deep purple, football-sized bruise. Naturally, I cried and my 30-year-old cousin started laughing at me. A bird pooped right on his head. No joke. Mid-laugh. It was the one time I almost believed there was a god."
"It was midwinter in Michigan. I was at work at the bar and it was a mildly busy night. My manager asked me and a coworker to go out and salt the cement steps that lead up to the entryway.
Before we could begin, though, two other bouncers forcibly 'helped' a man find the door. The man then proceeded to stand up in the entryway, presumably waiting for his ride or what have you. This actually goes against the bar's rules; he needed to wait on the sidewalk. The guy was already just fuming at the fact that he'd been removed from the bar, so when we told him to go down the stairs, he blew his top.
The wasted guy was yet again 'helped' on his way to the sidewalk, whereupon he immediately turned around with his middle fingers up and, dredging up all his mighty wit, began to call us gay slurs. 'If you like it in the butt, go here!' he screamed to the passersbys.
At this point, I was walking down the steps toward the man, salting to and fro as I went. He began to 'encourage' me with such gems as, 'Yeah, salt those steps, you homo, I think you missed a spot!'
I looked him dead in the eye and said, 'You have a nice night, sir,' and went back to work. I was rewarded when he kept on his routine and started backing up into the street, still on his tirade about us being gay for each other.
We were laughing at this point because a police car had rolled up and stopped right next to him, as he was standing in the street, blocking his path. They told him to get out of the street. He said, 'Whatever officer,' in a rude tone. One cop got out of the car and told him to go home.
'Eff you, officer!' Then he ran...about ten feet. Then he was promptly tackled into a snowbank by both officers. There was a sizable crowd by now and everyone was laughing and jeering at the guy, even the cops, who told us through their chuckles not to laugh at him until they had him securely in the squad car.
Yeah, that one felt good."
"I used to ditch school a lot in high school. However, I was good enough at taking tests and writing essays to get decent grades even though I wouldn't show up to class for days on end. All my classmates disliked me because they assumed I was just a slacker and an idiot (which, ok, given how much school I missed, I would agree with them on this one).
Anyway, I missed a test in our AP US History class because I showed up late to school. Fortunately, the teacher allowed me to make up the test later in the day as it was the only test I'd missed thus far.
The morning that he was passing back the graded tests, he told the entire class that he was disappointed with how we all did and had decided to give us a curve. He explained that he will take the highest scoring test and add however many points they missed to their test so that they will instead receive a 100% and the rest of the class will have this many points added to their final score as well.
He then told the class that he would even give them the opportunity to choose whose test would be the test he uses. He said, 'Rachel got the highest score out of those that took the test on testing day and Kyle (me) got the highest score of those that took the test later.'
Without any hesitation, everyone in the class said, 'Kyle's test!'
That signaled to me that they obviously thought that I missed more. I instantly felt like crap. So my teacher smiled, handed me my test, and said, 'Congratulations Kyle...you didn't miss anything.'"
"Someone broke into my wife's SUV in the middle of the night. They took her Louis Vuitton (which of course shouldn't have been left in there). We called the police at 8 am when we noticed the broken window. It took the police about an hour to show up. The officer apologized and said that she was late because most of the cops in the area were working a huge car crash nearby. She took our info and left. We weren't expecting much.
Later that day, we got a phone call saying they had recovered the purse, along with a few other things that were taken. It turns out some teenagers from a rough part of town stole a car and were breaking into all the cars in our neighborhood. As they got on the highway to go back home, they cut off an 18-wheeler, lost control, and flipped. Two out of the three died, and the third was in critical condition, the last I heard. It was really eerie..."
"The best instant karma moment I was ever a witness to was in high school gym class. The class was over and we were all gathered around to go to our next classes. A huge guy got bored and started mocking the mentally challenged kid that had the class with us. He called him all sorts of predictable and awful names. The kid understandably was upset and that just encouraged the bully more. He started saying, 'You want to hit me, idiot? Go ahead. Hit me.' So, after a few minutes of these taunts, the kid did - a beautiful uppercut that sent the bully to the floor, where he hit his head and had a seizure."
"My ex-girlfriend was an abusive piece of crap. We'll call her Marcy. She cheated on me with two girls, one who she moved in with and another who she was seeing on the side. When we finally broke up, the girl she was living with found out about me and how badly Marcy was treating me, so she immediately kicked her out. Marcy moved in with the other girl she was seeing and let her have access to her bank account. The other girl cleaned the entire thing out and kicked her out. Marcy lost her car, her scholarship, and had to move back in with her mother. She dropped out of college after completing only 14 credits in three years. Then she got arrested for possession and couldn't find a job after that.
Every year since we broke up, she leaves a message on my phone from an unknown number on my birthday telling me how her life has gotten increasingly worse since I broke up with her."
"It was my class's graduation night and everyone was in their dresses and suits getting lined up on a fancy staircase for a group photo. My mom was the photographer taking the photo (for free because my school needed a volunteer and she had been a photographer for 10+ years). When my mom was getting everyone positioned, these two girls in my class were talking crap about her, saying, 'This bimbo doesn't know what she's doing.' And, 'God she's such a dummy, I'm going to take over if this bimbo can't get her act together,' and other rude, very undeserved statements, especially considering the fact that my mom was being very professional and friendly. Once the group photo was taken and everyone was leaving the stairs, one of the girls lost her balance, grabbed onto the other girl and they both went tumbling down the staircase in their big, poofy grad dresses. Karma delivered."
"I was working at a theme park food stand and I was telling this lady we didn't have sodas because our CO2 tank was out. I poured her a big cup of water instead and set it in front of her. She got upset and started ranting at me about how I'm a slacker and how I suck for not having sodas. She picked up the cup and made to throw it at me, but she sucked at throwing and ended up pouring the whole cup all over herself."
"An ex of mine was working as a lifeguard at the ocean and was throwing sticks at a seagull. He had his keys on one of those springy bracelet things and when he threw a stick, it snagged on the bracelet and pulled off his keys. He had to jump into the ocean to gets his keys back before they sank. The seagull watched from the top of the water slide. I like to think it was laughing."
"Once, at Target, my brother was bragging about how he had gotten a large coke flavored Slurpee but he had hidden it in a regular soda cup so he didn't have to pay full price. It was like not even a $1 difference.
About five seconds later, the bottom of the cup gave out and his entire shirt/pants got ruined."
"My brother and I were in the backyard throwing one of those foam three-pronged boomerangs. It was fairly new and we were just learning how to use it. The boomerang had hard plastic edges that whistled if you threw it just right. My brother and I played around for a while and eventually, he said, 'Wow, you suck at throwing this.' Then he turned around to go do something and I threw the boomerang as hard as I could up and to the right. When it hit its peak, a huge gust of wind took the thing and launched it 70+ feet across the yard, hitting my brother in the side of the head, hitting him in his ear and dropping him to the ground, crying."
"I had a friend in high school who was always negative. She would complain about her hair, the weather, her mom, her nails, it didn't matter what, she would find something about her day to complain about. We had just gotten to school (I used to drive her) and our first class was in the science building which was down two sets of stairs. Well, she was having a bad hair day and complaining about EVERYTHING. I was always laid back, never really fixed my hair, wore T-shirt and jeans all year and she would always make backhanded comments saying that I was lucky because I never had to worry about fixing myself up. And on this particular day, we were nearing the stairs and she said, 'I wish I could just not worry about my appearance like you.' I opened my mouth to say something, but instead, I just watched as she slipped on the top step and slid all the way down the staircase."
Clipd is a magnet for the most outrageously viral content on the web!