A Maddening Affair
A Maddening Affair

"About 10 years ago I worked as a manager at Victoria's Secret and the band Good Charlotte came in. Joel Madden demanded that a manager help him, so 20-year-old me had to walk him around, listening to him talk about how hot his girlfriend would look in crotchless panties and how expensive this stuff was considering he was just going to rip it off of her.

He ended up picking the trashiest bra/panty set we sold, then asked me to box it up really nice and wrap it with wrapping paper. I told him we don't have wrapping paper, but the bows and the gift box should suffice.

He disagreed, wanting me to run to Rite Aid to go get him wrapping paper and was rude when I said I couldn't leave the store to go do that.

This was back when you still had to sign paper receipts when using credit cards, so after he signed for his purchase he made some snide comment about how I better not try to sell his autograph now that I had it. Then he crossed off his credit card number while telling the other guys in the band how he makes more in a day then we make all year, so he understands the temptation to steal his credit card info.

The other 3 guys with him gave an apologetic, knowing look towards me, as I was clearly biting my tongue. One of them actually came back in like an hour later to ask if he could use our bathroom because he didn't want to use the public one and draw attention. He apologized for Joel twice, told me which hotel they were staying at, and invited me to come 'have a drink' with him there later that night. I politely declined."

Why The Frown, Mr. Brown?
Why The Frown, Mr. Brown?

"When I was 17 or so, I used to supervise this car wash in Alpharetta, Georgia. It was right down the road from one of the most affluent neighborhoods in Georgia, so we had our fair share of celebrities and athletes coming through to get their cars detailed and washed.

One of our regulars was Whitney Houston. She would come in once a month and get her Porsche washed or sometimes detailed. She was always very pleasant, albeit eccentric.

One day she came in with her husband, Bobby Brown. Now, over the past few months, I had gotten to be on a first name basis with Whitney. This particular day I had worked up the courage to finally ask her for a picture on my new LG camera flip phone. She said sure, and we started to take the picture.

That's when Bobby Brown freaks out. 'What do you think you're doing? No photos!' I didn't even try to explain, and Whitney looked incredibly embarrassed.

They got in the car and started to drive away, and he screamed, 'Hey bro!' When I turned around he threw a towel in my face and she drove off. He was arrested two days later after someone saw him in a restaurant. Apparently, he was on house arrest!"

Trump The Chump
Trump The Chump

"When I was 7, my dad and I got really good seats to watch the Mets. In the row next to ours, there was some man wearing a suit with a beautiful woman sitting next to him. My dad insisted that I walk up and ask for an autograph. I was too shy, so we headed toward him together.

I was standing an arms length away from Donald Trump. I was waving at him, but he purposely decided to not acknowledge me. Even when Melania elbowed him to try to get him to wave he just continued to glare at the field. After a few seconds, she stopped trying, and my dad and I headed back to our seats."

Food Frenzy Freakout
Food Frenzy Freakout

"Krysten Ritter threw her English breakfast at me because one of the baked beans was darker than the others. I told her I didn't even work there, but she was furious. She grabbed the sausages and broken plate pieces from the mess on the floor, and threw them at a guy in a wheelchair.

The owner tried to calm her down, but she tried to stab him with a butter knife. Then she ran into the kitchen, threw toilet paper in the oil fryer, and tried to escape through the A/C vents. The chef was shouting at her to get down, but she kept demanding he 'butter' her up because she couldn't fit.

I think the bacon the chef gave her had quinine in it. She is known to be allergic and went insane."

Full Ego Marino
Full Ego Marino

"A family member of mine who lives in Florida use to own a flower shop by the Miami Dolphins practice facility. Players would come into her shop and get flowers and other gifts for their wives, mothers, etc.

She knew I was a huge fan, so if they didn't seem in a hurry and acted polite, she would ask for an autograph. Every couple of months, I would get an envelope in the mail from her with a bunch of autographs.

I got some ranging from popular players like Zach Thomas and Chris Chambers, to not so popular players like Oronde Gadsden and Ray Lucas. It didn't matter because 12-year-old me thought it was awesome that some of my heroes took time to sign a piece of paper for me.

However, one player that I had always wanted and always asked her to get was the great Dan Marino. She said she never saw him much, and after he retired she saw him even less. So a few years go by, and I get an envelope from her that is unusually thin.

I open it up and it's a single piece of paper. In the letter, she tells me that Dan Marino came into her shop. My heart immediately begins to race, thinking I just got my holy grail of autographs. I continue to read. She states that she does what she normally does, and if they seem busy or impolite, she doesn't bother them.

But Marino was browsing her store and was very nice. So as he's checking out, she explains to him that she has a family member from Pennsylvania who is a huge Dolphins fan and that he's my hero. She asked if she could get his autograph for me. He mumbles and asks for a piece of paper.

As he's signing it, he tells her, 'Normally I charge $50 for these, but for you, $25, unless you can cut me a deal on my stuff.' She looks at him perplexed and says, 'Never mind. Sorry to have bothered you.' He ripped up the autograph, put the scraps in his pocket, and leaves, letting everything he was going to get on the counter.

I've heard from other people that have met him that he would try to charge people all the time for his autograph. I have also heard that within the past few years, he has changed and become a lot more humble. But to this day, I love Dan Marino as a player, but not as a person."

The Katt Is Out Of The Bag
The Katt Is Out Of The Bag

"I met Katt Williams while working at Starbucks. He ordered his grande nonfat mocha with 1 pump of hazelnut. I asked him how he was doing and he responded with, 'I don't see how that's any business of Starbucks.'

He then wanted a polar bear cookie and made me go through all of the cookies to find the one with perfect frosting. Any flaw or air bubble was unacceptable. He didn't even tip. Also, he was arrested a few days later. Karma for the win!"

Unfazed Fox
Unfazed Fox

"So, to preface this story, my name is Fox. My parents named me after Fox Mulder from X-Files. I didn't really like my name when I was younger, but my parents have always been excited about it.

When I was 13 or so, my father surprised me with Comic-Con tickets. I'm not really into comics, but I played Magic the Gathering and have always been enthused by the tech demos and such, so I was pumped.

He also told me that we were going to get an autograph from David Duchovny (the actor that plays Fox Mulder) and I thought that was pretty cool. My dad was super excited since he was a big fan.

We waited in line for a really long time and spent $80 on a picture for him to sign. We get up to him and introduce ourselves. He's very unenthused. My dad is so excited to tell him that I'm named after his character.

His response: 'Oh. What's his last name?' My dad told him, and then David goes 'Well, that works too I guess,' and then we were escorted out. We weren't allowed to take a picture either."

A Total Hassle
A Total Hassle

"I was working at a fancy overpriced import store, and David Hasselhoff's daughter was going to start college in town. They came in and got a bunch of stuff for her dorm. I was the department manager of the furniture section, so I was helping them select items, accessories, lamps, whatever.

The whole time he's walking around like he owns the place, and it struck me as almost a defense mechanism to any attention they might get. She seemed normal, but aware of the attention people were paying.

We get to the end, they spend thousands like it's nothing, and then it comes time to load all their stuff into the car. I help, he takes the lightest items he can, and his daughter and I load the furniture.

Once it's all in, I turn to tell them to have a good day and enjoy college, you know, typical customer service material. He cuts me off and says he 'doesn't do autographs,' and I laughed and said I didn't want one. He seemed miffed.

This was not long after the 'cheeseburger incident' video, so maybe his ego was fragile. I really didn't care, I had things to do. Oh, and he also had these uggo teal moccasins and that just kinda pissed me off too."

Good For You, Buddy
Good For You, Buddy

"I met Ron Perlman at an exotic nightclub, he was sitting next to me on the stage and told me, 'I could have any woman in here like that,' while snapping his fingers. Not sure why he said that to me since I was pretending not to know who he was so he wouldn't be bothered.

He then picked the worst looking girl in the club. This was hard to do since all of them were gorgeous, so I'm not sure why he went with that choice. Anyway, he was with this author Pierce Brown, and I had completely forgotten who he was.

He looked really uncomfortable being there drinking his water, and Ron left him there for 2 hours by himself. I tried talking to him for a bit but my friends and I left for a house party so he just stayed there even more lonely. Sorry author guy."

You're Welcome?
You're Welcome?

"I met LaVar Burton at Dragon Con. I had paid for and received his autograph. My younger brother-in-law who was with us at his first big convention said to him 'I used to watch Reading Rainbow every day after school, it meant a lot to me.'

This guy looks at him and asks, 'Oh, is this the part of our interaction where you compliment me and I say thank you?' Just a huge jerk."

Twitchy Tom
Twitchy Tom

"Back in the late 80's, my friend Joy and I were shopping at the Tower Records on the Sunset Strip late one Saturday night. It was the night I bought an LP copy of the Sugarcubes 'Life's Too Good.'

Anyway, this guy started making a scene. He was obviously on some stimulants and was roaming up and down the aisles, grabbing merchandise right and left. He was knocking things over and looming over the other customers. He was real twitchy and sweaty, too.

He kept shouting, 'It's all right, my fat wife will pay for it! She's got money coming out her butt!' His wife had a scarf and glasses on, and was trying to hide her face when she backed into me and my friend. She gave us an embarrassed smile, and we realized it was Roseanne. The guy on the shopping rampage was Tom Arnold."

A Real Stand Up Guy
A Real Stand Up Guy

"You know when you open the door to a public bathroom and there's someone in the doorway about to walk out at that exact same instant? I was in that situation, and the guy coming out of the bathroom was John Mulaney.

I opened the door, and we both stopped in place. I held the door open, said, 'Excuse me," and stepped aside. He did not look at me or acknowledge that I was holding the door for him. He just looked straight ahead until I was out of his way, and then walked past me.

It was a situation where a person of average politeness would at least give you a head nod. If it was any other stranger I would have thought, 'That was a little rude,' and forgotten about it entirely. However, his stand up persona is rooted in his assertion that he's neurotically nice and polite in social situations...that was not my experience."

Trouble In The Outback
Trouble In The Outback

"I was working as an Aviation Screening Officer (same thing as TSA) in a major Australian airport. A colleague of mine pulled over a guy for a random explosives check (I can assure you that they are 100% truly random).

I heard all this commotion, with this American voice yelling out, 'This is racist! I hate this country! Australia is racist! I'm never coming back here again! You're just picking me because I'm black!'

My colleague kept his cool for as long as possible, but the moment the black comment came out, he started arguing back, saying to the guy, 'You don't know me, I'm far from racist, you're just saying that because I'm white.'

I can tell you that my colleague is definitely not like that. Anyway, I realized the guy who was going off on this tirade was Jason Derulo. I used to enjoy his music, but after seeing what I saw, I'll switch off his song if it comes over my radio. Absolute jerk."

Drink And Dash, Pretty Brash
Drink And Dash, Pretty Brash

"My dad ran into Gene Simmons in a bar in Baltimore in the late 70's after a show. My dad wasn't a huge KISS fan, but appreciated their music and told Gene something along the lines of 'Awesome concert, thanks for the show.'

Gene looked at my dad and then promptly replied, 'I hope the next time you're kissing butt to impress someone, you pucker more,' and then walked off. My dad was angry and went to tell his two friends he was with it was time to go, and the bartender stopped them on the way out.

Gene and his entourage told the bartender my dad was paying for their drinks, and left. Cost my dad almost a hundred bucks for the bill they stuck him with. So growing up, every time something by KISS came on, my dad would rant about how Gene Simmons can suck one and go die somewhere."

A Tinge Of Cringe
A Tinge Of Cringe

"So when I was waiting on John Cougar Mellencamp (I didn't recognize him, some guests pointed it out to me), he was fine but I got the distinct impression that he was trying to be noticed, slowly looking around, making eye contact with people at other tables.

Upon leaving, he decided to slowly stroll through the restaurant and, coming up to a family with a child in a high chair, said to them, 'Cute kid, I'll buy him off ya for 200 bucks.'

Now, this is an exceedingly weird thing to say, but to make matters worse, the family was from Germany and had no idea who Johnny Cougar was. Just seemed like a stranger offering to purchase their child. Looking back on it, I think that as someone who used to be more famous than he is now, he was craving some recognition."

Hasta La Vista, Jerk
Hasta La Vista, Jerk

"I used to work camera production for an international television station. We had celebrities in weekly to plug movies. Nearly all of them were awesome or just normal people working their jobs just like we were.

Arnold Schwarzenegger came in stone-faced and didn't say a word to anybody. Just had a terrible attitude all around. He shamed the audio guy for not putting the earpiece in for him.

He didn't talk to any of the show's hosts before the interview. Then the cameras started rolling and he was Mr. Personality, telling funny and such. As soon as the taping ended, he was back to the stone face and walked off. Also, despite what the Internet claims, he's really short."

Bum Rushed By...Cher?
Bum Rushed By...Cher?

"I once ran into Cher, literally. My sister wanted to hang out in front of Radio City Music Hall to see the stars go into the MTV music video awards. I wasn't that into it, so I hung back from the crowd.

Cher was very late, and for some reason showed up on foot rather than by car. She bumped into me and decided the best thing to do was to plow through the crowd to get to the front door.

Three thoughts went through my head: First, she's not as tall as I thought. Second, why didn't she walk out in the street and go around the crowd. Third, plowing through that many people, there was no way all those feathers were going to survive the crowd."

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