If these people ever revealed their secrets, their whole lives would change. Some people are keeping secrets from the people closest to them while others are living a total lie in order to keep their secret safe. Desperate to tell someone about the dark weight that hangs on them, these people turned to Reddit to spill their guts. We searched through all the responses and compiled the darkest, most jaw-dropping secrets here. Content has been edited for clarity.
"I refuse to be intimate with my girlfriend until I'm married. She thinks I'm a hardcore Christian even though I find something to do every Sunday (get high) instead of going to church. The truth is that my junk was severed off in an accident when I was 5, and I have about 1/2 inch of it left. I have no idea how to tell her. I'm so in love and I know the moment it comes out, I'm finished. I've been with her for 1.5 years and she (somehow) respects my choice to wait until marriage for any interaction other than kissing."
"A very long time ago my mother died of AIDS. She contracted it when I was 8. We were victims of a home invasion and she was violated. My mother and father were still together when she died and it completely devastated him--I've never seen a more happier, open, in love couple than my mother and father.
He couldn't bear to be alone, so he remarried an old family friend. I like her a lot actually and I want him to be happy.
This is terrible, but to people I actually know in person, I couldn't even begin to tell them my mother died and how she did. So I just say my stepmom is my biological mom if it ever comes up in conversation. I'm a piece of crap, I know. I've since moved to a new city and I just don't think it's anybody's business--especially since I spend most of my time in a professional environment.
I accept that I haven't fully dealt with this yet."
"When my wife and I first met, she had an addiction problem. I was coming out of a really nasty relationship in which I was cheated on many, many times, and when I met her, I suppose I was looking for someone to just take care of. So, I had sympathy for her and worked very hard to help her get out of her situation and (I thought) clean. In the process, I fell in love with her. She did eventually get clean when she got pregnant.
I always suspected that she was sleeping around behind my back, and later confirmed that, indeed, she had been sleeping with four guys that were supposed to be my friends. This was before I got her pregnant.
After my son was born, things were better for a while, but she began to fall back in to that same trap, the chemical rush which held so much allure, something I couldn't wrap my head around. Don't get me wrong; I smoked my share of pot, and I had kicked a Lortab habit (pretty nasty car wreck, first time taking pain meds, took me three months to wise up), but the things that she was in to...I couldn't grasp it.
So, we finally got married. Over the course of the next three months, things got really bad. She began staying out all night, intentionally avoiding me, and keeping my son away so that I couldn't spend any time with him. I would get up to work in the mornings, and would be gone from 6:30 until about 5 pm. When I got home, she would normally be sleeping hard on the couch, and our son would be running around the house making a mess, like unsupervised kids will do, so I would have to clean up and cook dinner, bathe my son, and put him to bed. I knew she was up to something, but I wasn't sure what, exactly.
Finally, I had enough and I confronted her. She came home and told me that she was going to leave and take my son, and I kind of lost it. I did everything I could to take my son from her, because I'll be darned if some addict is going to keep him from me. We were back and forth for about ten minutes before I finally just gave up and she left with my son. A few minutes later, the police were at my door. She had gone back to her friends and used their phone to call the cops. She told them that I was beating her. After the arrest, the officers actually apologized to me and told me the deal.
When they responded to her call, they took a look at her and found absolutely no sign of abuse: not a bump, a scrape, a bruise, missing hair, nothing. She pushed for a citizen's arrest and I landed in jail, and later was convicted of Simple Assault - Domestic Violence. That is a story in itself.
Anyway, I got kicked out of my home, stripped of custody and visitation, and was totally isolated from my son for 9 solid months.
Her dad died about three months after we separated, and in our brief conversations at that time, she started making very strange references to her brother, things which got me wondering how 'close' they were really getting. It started with her admitting that the two of them were sharing a bed. That was weird enough, but when she began to talk about him as though she were worshiping him, I began to truly suspect.
Many things happened in the mean time, and they later moved to another house, and they continued to share a bed. Same deal everywhere they moved. Always slept in the same bed, and at one point, entirely unprompted, they separately made it a point in conversation (to my parents, for some reason) to make sure that everyone knew that their relationship was 'strictly platonic.'
It was even later, still, after I got custody of my son again (yet another story, for yet another time), that he admitted to me that his mother and her brother had sworn him to secrecy that it was 'okay for brothers and sisters to be boyfriends and girlfriends,' an admission that haunts me. There were many graphic and disturbing descriptions that my son, three at the time, gave to me which are disgusting beyond comprehension, things which that poor child witnessed.
I also have found found letters that she wrote to her brother which absolutely sicken me, and also chanced upon a video, believe it or not, of her filming her brother in the shower.
I'm sorry, but I have to stop for now. I can't keep writing."
"My daughter isn't mine. My fiancee went away for a tough mudder (mud run) the weekend 'my' daughter was conceived. I took the baby to get a DNA test one day when my fiancee was at work and I was at home with her and sure enough, just like on Maury, I was NOT the father. I went to a doctor and it turns out I am sterile. I can't tell anyone because I love the little girl like she's my own but it hurts when people comment on how much 'she looks like her mom' but never how much she looks like me. I could never bring myself to say anything to her though because I don't want to NOT be in the little girl's life...as far as she knows, I am her father and she loves me unconditionally and I can't ruin that.
"I wish my brother was dead.
I know this makes me sound terrible, but there are reasons behind it. My brother was born three years before me. He was born with a malformed brain, which causes him to act like a 6 month old for the rest of his life, meaning he screams at night, always wants to eat, and is very temperamental. Currently he is twenty and he still lives with me and my parents. He also, since his birth has developed man things: diabetes, a gimp leg, legally blind but can see very, very poorly. He also, due to his malformed brain, has an immune system deficiency. Which means when our family gets a slight flu, he gets so sick we have to bring him to a special hospital. For example, when I was 9 and he was 12, we went to visit family for Christmas where my whole family got sick. We had to leave early because he started having serious seizures and went into cardiac arrest.
But I digress. The reason I want him to die is because he has no sense of deep emotion, only vague tones of happy, sad and confused; he has no style of life in his current situation and he is a terribly large burden on both of my parents. The only reason I was born was because he was born messed up and my parents wanted my other brother to have at least one normal sibling. I would happily chose to have never been born if it means my brother would be normal, or not born at all. My brother stays up most of the night screaming and crying, keeping my whole family up trying to watch him, which means each of us have a three hours of sleep most nights.
But my main reason I want him to die is to end his suffering. He can't communicate with anyone, just like how we can't communicate with him. I can't imagine how lonely, lost, and scared he feels every day. I love my brother and if there's a reason beyond any other I want him to die because of that protective fraternal love I have for him. I know for a fact that my darkest day on earth won't come near to the sense of confusion and fear he feels on his average. I know that if I could do so legally, I would have killed him many years ago. But this is not out of selfish reasons, it's out of love for my parents and wanting them to have the happy life they're owed after dealing with two kids, one of them a mentally challenged kid.
I want my brother to not have a constant isolation from the world that causes him misery and dreariness, I want my brother to die due to love."
"I don't love my wife anymore. She's pregnant with a child I wasn't ready for. The child, in my mind, is nothing but a financial burden that we can't afford. I'm too afraid to divorce her because the state that I live in always bowls over the father with very high child support."
"I did something terrible as a kid and it eats me up to this day.
I went to school with this kid who used to bully me. He was awful: he would shove me down the stairs, hit me with a baseball bat, basically give me bruises and broken bones. He also used to do other awful things to me. I got a brand new NFL coat for Christmas and was wearing it in class. He wrote a gay slur on it with a sharpie, ruining it. No one did anything about it because:
1) I went to a private religious school,
2) His father was the head pastor and school principal, and...
3) The school told my parents I used to self harm. It wasn't true at all but when you are ten and every adult in the system tells your parents that there is something wrong with you, it is difficult to get them to see any different.
Sometime later, my parents put me in a different school for unrelated reasons. I start to excel, make lots of friends, no more broken bones etc. About a year later, the guy shows up because my old school had to shut down. He starts taunting me, telling me he is going to make my life a nightmare again. But then later that afternoon, one of my friends starts freaking out. They brought a sniffer dog to start doing locker searches and he has A LOT of weed on him. I knew immediately that I wanted to set that guy up. I had the whole class period to think about it. After the bell rang, I caught up to him in the hall and stuffed my friend's stash in his bag. We could have just flushed it, threw it out, but I wanted to get back at him. I didn't actually get to see it but after lunch, he was arrested, expelled and I had no idea what happened to him until years later.
His parents were forced to send him to a boarding school. While he was there, he contracted a serious infection in a minor cut and had to have his leg amputated. While he was at the hospital, his father died in a car accident on his way there to see his son. A friend of mine dated his sister during their senior year when all of this happened.
I decided, against my better judgement, to look up his sister on Facebook to see how he is doing these days. I graduated over 10 years ago and don't really talk to many people from back in the day.
After high school, she said he struggled with a lot of the lingering effects of the amputation. His health never made strides and she always suspected his guilt over what happened to their father had something to do with it. He is in constant pain, every day, and refuses to walk with crutches or a prosthetic and has confined himself to a wheelchair. In the wake of his father's passing, he has become even more of a fanatical religious zealot. He has become vice principle of another private school in the area. She doesn't speak to him much anymore because he is just too depressing and, since his arrest, has become an unapologetic bigot. He blames blacks for his arrest, infection and for his father's accident.
She married one of the guys that we went to middle school with when she was 19. They have a daughter together and she is a stay at home mom who seems endlessly devoted to her little girl. Their mother passed away from cancer the same year she got married."
"I have an eating disorder not because I want to be thin or lose weight. I have an eating disorder because I want to disappear.
My body is already showing signs that it is shutting down as a result of my anorexia. I don't have any family close by, my spouse is out of the country for several months. I've stopped going to the doctor. I have a sizable life insurance policy and I am worth more dead than alive.
I have an eating disorder because it is slow and subtle suicide."
"I have a long distance girlfriend that I love very, very much.
My single and ten years older (than me) roommate asked me to impregnate her because she desperately wanted a baby. A fertility clinic would have cost her thousands of dollars, which she didn't have. She promised that she wouldn't tell anyone who the father is. I had previously said no to her hitting on me - but she begged for a baby so many times that I finally gave in. It's the right thing to do, right? Nothing can go wrong, right?
She is pregnant now and the realization slowly starts to sink in that:
1. (a) Either I will have to lie to the love of my life for the rest of my life or (b) I will have to tell her - but I know for sure that she will leave me then.
2. Someday there will be a young guy or girl asking who his/her Dad is. My flatmate will say it. And then I will get a call, 16 or 18 years from now, no matter where I am or who I am with or whether I have children of my own: 'Hey, I'm your child. You're my Dad. You knew that. Why were you never there when I needed you?'
3. My roommate feels lonely and constantly tries to cuddle/sleep in my bed with me/get it on with me/spend time together, all of which makes me feel like a horrible cheater if I do it and like a horrible person if I don't do it.
4. Until I have enough money to move out 3 will always make me feel bad.
5. I will feel guilty for 1 and 2 for the rest of my life. For the rest of my life."
"I didn't have the best of childhoods. I was bullied - but not for the same reasons that everyone else was bullied (having glasses, braces, being short or tall). I was bullied because I was adopted and because I was a different race than everyone. Being Asian, growing up with bigotry in the Midwest has created a lot of ill feelings towards people who were bigoted to me when I was younger
I would get phone calls from random people that would call and say, 'NOBODY LIKES YOU, GO BACK TO CHINA!' ...I'm not Chinese.
'YOUR PARENTS NEVER LOVED YOU!' I would always write these numbers down and told myself if I ever found out who these people were I would have my revenge. I never told my parents until many many years after the fact - recently actually. They aren't the same race as me and, as silly as it sounds, I didn't think they would understand - nor did I want to sound like a tattle-tale when I was younger.
All those people that gave me crap growing up - it's still messing with me. I have major social anxiety, I have depression issues. I know those people don't give a hoot about me now, and have no idea what they did to me - but I am here to say to all you bullies out there - you messed some of us up really really bad.
I never had any urge to go to college or continue schooling, not because I'm an un-intelligent idiot - but because I have this fear that some bigoted nonsense is going to be said to me that might flip my switch. There are three large universities within three hours of my location. I have had anti-Asian crap to me said at universities multiple times whenever I go visit friends, and no, I don't go around looking to start fights.
With all of those school shootings that have happened in the U.S. - it might surprise a lot of you, but it doesn't surprise me. I can say that there were times when I was so down and angry off that I am surprised that I never created some sort tragedy."
"I know everything my father has done to my mother and everything else about him. He's always been and still is a hardcore drinker. He constantly tries to tell me he's been sober for years but I work in a local grocery store and I've WATCHED him come in and buy drinks before. Once, in an argument that got out of hand, he punched my mother numerous times and when she threatened to go to the cops, he forced her to get in the car, drove her to the police station and said,'Go ahead. I dare you to get out.' She was so scared that she stayed in the car.
He's been trying to get back into my life for a couple years now since I've distanced myself from him. All he does is make empty promises and lie. Whenever he used to make plans with me, I would get all excited to hang out with my father and then he'd never show up or never call back until a couple days later and he'd always have some excuse like his car (that he doesn't even have) broke down on the highway. I know that probably sounds like a legitimate excuse to you guys and I'd probably believe it too if he didn't do this every other week when I was younger and recycle the same 3 or 4 excuses every time.
I ignore his phone calls constantly but when I do, he always finds some other phone to use so that I won't recognize the number and I'll answer, or he'll come to the grocery store I work at in hopes that I'm there. And whenever he shows up at the place I work, he always makes sure to bring my grandmother and/or grandfather so that I can't blatantly ignore him without feeling like an jerk myself. I refuse to say I miss him or I love him anymore. He still lives with my grandmother (his mother) and he's 45. And she loves him so much that she refuses to see how messed up he is and because of that all she does is enable him to be a muck up. He hasn't held a job for more than a year and hasn't even had a job in the past 5 years or so, so all the money he gets is given to him by my grandmother.
But despite all of this and how much I want to tell him how much I hate him for what he did to my mother, me and my sister and how much I want to tell him to buzz off and stop calling us, I can't."
"I hate my mother with every fiber of my being but I still can't tell her no. I'm tired of taking care of her financially and it's putting a burden on me and my husband. He thinks I am careless with money (wife spending money on frivolous things) but in reality I give it to my mom so that she can get her fix because I am afraid that the one time she says it's for food or rent and I don't give it to her she'll end up dead and I don't want to live with that guilt. It's been going on since I was a teenager and I'm 30 now."
"I'm a biological woman who has to shave every day like a man. I won't let anyone touch my face for fear that they'll feel my stubble and if I stay over at a friend's house, I hide a razor and shaving cream in my bag, wake up at some insanely early hour and go shave in the bathroom while everyone is still asleep.
I've done laser hair removal, but a lot of my hair is too light to really react, yet too dark to go unnoticed if I let it grow. And I've yet to ever find an electrologist that actually makes my hair go away. I also have hair on my stomach all the way up to a few inches under my chest.
I've been tested for hormone imbalances, and all the levels come back normal. They assume I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome, but can't get the numbers to back the diagnosis up. All of that has lead to anxiety over intimacy where someone would be touching areas I shave. I get so nervous that I tense up, and intimacy is extremely painful for me.
Finally while talking to a close friend about my personal issues, he offered to help me get past the pain. We slept together once, and he gave me herpes. He was the 4th person I'd slept with in my entire life. I was 22 at the time, I'm 30 now. I haven't slept with anyone since, because I fear that there is no one out there who will want to deal with an insanely hairy woman who can't get it on with anyone, and might give them an STD.
All in all I feel pretty disgusting and like my lady parts are a toxic area that I'm trapped with on my body.
Yes, I'm in therapy."
"I am in an insane amount of debt from supporting my boyfriend through medical school. I had to pay for his meals and some day-to-day supplies such as toiletries with my credit card and use inheritance money since he had no family to support him and he had student loans that barely paid his rent, books, and transportation as well as some food. Now I owe $30k on student loans on top of car, car insurance, gas and everything else for my bills. I am now employed but still not out of the woods as I need to pay for the $5k on my credit card that was spent for the years I helped him so far, with 1.5 of them being unemployed and 2 years being only part-time while in school myself. I pay for my own student loans as much as I can, at least. I had to apply for a car loan recently for only 500 dollars and was turned down because that stupid credit card. That was a harsh reminder of my dirty little secret. He graduates in May, though, so he will finally be able to support himself pretty soon once he gets into his residency and gets paid."
"I left a cult, but my entire family is still in. If I tell them I truly don't believe, I will lose them forever. No, I'm not kidding, they will cease to communicate and associate with me and my wife. My parents, brothers, sisters and 20 years worth of friendships, gone. Some of them, including family have already expressed that I am no longer welcome in their lives.
I am/was one of Jehovah's Witnesses."
"I'm a renowned chef (to an extent). I don't have my own TV show or anything but I have been featured on a few FoodTV shows as well as a few shows on The Cooking Channel. Anthony Bourdain has stopped by one of my restaurants in the early days of No Reservations.
My Secret: I absolutely HATE most of the food I cook. I cater to the rich snobby crowd and it's amazing how sheep-like these people can be. I could take a pile of dirt but as long as I say it's been 'braised' and finished off with some 'truffle oil' served with a tbs of 'caviar' they'll 'LOVE' it because of those random key words thrown in there.
These people are so pretentious. They only buy name brand items and their minds work the same way with food. As long as I've got certain key words on the menu and certain ingredients in the food they'll claim to love it. Most of these people who claim to have high class taste and an advanced palette are full of crap.
I'm trying to sell my share of my two restaurants to my business partner or other investors and get out. I just want to have a small joint making fried chicken wings, not goose liver and fish eggs."