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Doctors are professionals doing a serious job. They hold lives in their hand on a daily basis. However, between all the life or death situations they sometimes encounter some duds. There are some patients that have landed in the hospital for the weirdest, most ridiculous reasons. The Doctors in the following stories share the cases that made them laugh, left them confused, and sometimes made them angry.
(Stories have been edited for clarity.)
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"There are several close calls. There was the patient who fixed an appointment for a pedicure the day after open heart surgery. He said that he'd just sneak out of the ICU and that nobody would notice.
Then there was the patient who had an amputation of half of his foot and decided that it would be a good idea to walk to the toilet after returning to his room, covering the floor in bloody footsteps because the suture ripped open again.
Then the patient who said that he didn't have any previous operations, but was covered in scars. When asked about each of them, he suddenly remembered having about 15 surgeries for various accidents.
The patient who forgot that he had his kidney, spleen, and part of the colon removed (because of a tumor).
There was one patient who decided that he'd never take more than three pills a day (because obviously taking more than three pills a day is going to kill you). He was on four or five different meds at that time, and just chose at random which meds he was going to take which day."
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"I'm a general practitioner, and the most outrageous thing I've heard was from a boy who was something like 20-22 years old. He was from an impoverished, illiterate family. The boy had a bad case of tonsillitis and refused to take any medication because all he needed to do was 'bite the sun.' Basically, at noon, he had to look up to the sun, open his mouth as wide as possible and 'bite' the sun several times so it would 'burn' his tonsils and cure him over the course of a couple of weeks. When that wouldn't work, plan B was to do the same at night but only under a full moon."
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"I had a marine once who came to me complaining of a rash to his right forearm for two weeks. This was his first visit for the issue and hadn't had anything like this before. He was worried since he reported worsening symptoms since initial onset.
When asking about prior skin issues, he told me he had ringworm just before THIS rash.
I look at his arm, it looked like a mild second-degree chemical burn in a rather circular shape, with blisters on the edges. What got me was the exact definition in the burn edge. Asking the young LCPL how he got that he replied, 'Well that's the burn I got from the bleach I poured on my arm.'
When I ask him WHY he poured bleach on his arm he says, 'Well, how else was I going to kill the ringworm?'"
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"I have the grandma, the mom, and the teen in the room. The teen is pregnant, but this apparently is a good thing. There are no fathers/grandfathers/boyfriends/jobs in the picture, but everyone decided it was about time a new generation was added to the family lineage. Apparently, the teen did not appreciate the fatigue, full bladder, back pain, etc., that go along with being pregnant and is also experiencing some cramping pains. She demands that we do a C-section because she's tired of being pregnant (even though she's still not far enough along) because then we can just hook up the premie in an incubator to finish growing and the government can just pay for the (incredibly expensive) ICU stay. My jaw just dropped.
Then there was the lady wearing short shorts and no underwear who raised her leg and showed me the puss-filled wound on her labia ... while in the middle of the waiting room.
I don't miss rural OB/Gyn experiences."
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"Turns out using cement as a DIY cast for your broken (but not reset) leg is a bad idea. Turns out the chemicals in the cement irritate and dissolve your skin. A patient became septic and almost died by the time he presented for medical care.
Emergency Medicine - preventing natural selection one stupid person at a time."
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"As a med student, myself and another student took a history from a guy who drank several (10+) cups of tea a day with six sugars in each one 'for my thirst' and had six meals a day of four bacon sandwiches, with butter, 'for the energy.'
That's all he had every day. That's it. He couldn't understand why his heart disease wasn't getting better, why he'd put on weight, why he was now showing high blood sugar and was borderline diabetic."